Topic

As a Shaker, I am massively, inconsolably, offended by the over-reliance of technology in this game.

In my own natural life, I make strides to avoid technology whenever possible.  I ride a mule along the path to work, where I harvest strips of bark and weave them into baskets (clockwise, naturally) for barter with my local brethren and sistren. I do not own a tele-vision, a tele-phone, or a radio-device, and I will only glance at the cover of a newspaper if it happens to be lying spread-eagled like a corrupt heathen in front of my burdening beast.  I eat only peaches and beans I have canned myself, and I always finish everything on my plate.  I find the modern world  cold, isolated,  unfriendly and a corruption of the Higher Power's Holy Will.  

And now, in Glitch, I am inundated with the sinful tools I have striven to abstain (from).  Radios of DD, DB, CD! Fruit changers (Bedeviled things!) and electronic spice grinders (woe betide the lowly pestle), headphones (doubtless insinuating Satanic ditties into my heretofore mercied ear-spaces), so-called "sub–way" systems for transportation against the natural order (walking/mules) and – most offensive of all – a wardrobe reliant on buttons. 

What fate befell the humble hook-and-eye closure? I demand the developers accede to my demand, however bizarre they may feint to find it, that all technology and buttoned-clothes be removed from the game.  I demand they desist the disrespect of my noble tradition, that they create a space sympathetic for the holy worship of my highly individualistic ideals, and cease their relentless, unyielding drive toward a universe out of sync with nature and the Higher Power's Plans.  In righteous fury let them reduce the Subway system to a humble root-celler full of bottled herb tinctures, canned cherries, and lattice-crusted pig-flesh pies.  Let us make unto this new space a world free of the shackles of the mechanical devils, a place where Man can live apart from Machine in adherence to the strictest will of the powers above.

Let us Rise together against this Mockery of my Tenants, and stride toward a glowing sunset where we, citizens of Glitch, can live together without the whips and chains of the technological conspiracy. 

Posted 16 months ago by Doctor Barf Subscriber! | Permalink

Replies

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  • ROFL.

    So what are you doing on the internet?? <3
    Posted 16 months ago by Arii Subscriber! | Permalink
  • LOL
    Posted 16 months ago by bored no more Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Also, +1 for lattice-crusted pies.
    Posted 16 months ago by Arii Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I only play Glitch for the writing.  Accessed on my horn book tablet. 
    Posted 16 months ago by Doctor Barf Subscriber! | Permalink
  • lmao!!
    Posted 16 months ago by goodstory Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Ooh, I didn't know they had horn-patterned tablets! How stylish and fashionable of you! Do you wear those shoes with buckles?  Devs should add buckle-shoes to the wardrobe. I would wear them *every day*.
    Posted 16 months ago by Arii Subscriber! | Permalink
  • There's just one teensy problem: Namely, the machines you will use to get access to your fly-covered pork pies.  
    :-(

    Wait.

    Horn book tablet? Bosh.
    Posted 16 months ago by Nanookie Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Doctor Barf, I am honored to have you among my fellow Glitchen. And I am with you. Down with buttons!
    Posted 16 months ago by Aleph Zero Subscriber! | Permalink
  • you are not a shaker, neither, and i don't think you have an understanding of who they are (present tense), let alone the TENETS of their belief.

    while we're at it, why don't we open up threads to ridicule people of any and every faith?
    Posted 16 months ago by flask Subscriber! | Permalink
  • +1 for well-written humor, Doctor Barf.  :)  May your fruit trees flourish and your piggies productively plop.
    Posted 16 months ago by Lelu Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Doctor Barf, LMAO!!!!! Of course you forgot to beg them to stop the madness of butterfly milk collectors so that we can churn our butter by hand, as intended. :)
    Posted 16 months ago by RM Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Dearest flask, 

    "In the United States there is one remaining active Shaker community, at Sabbathday Lake, Maine, which as of January 2011 has only three members: Sister June Carpenter, Brother Arnold Hadd, and Sister Frances Carr"
    Posted 16 months ago by Doctor Barf Subscriber! | Permalink
  • silly wabbit lol
    Posted 16 months ago by gimmegames Subscriber! | Permalink
  • i am aware of who they are and where they reside.

    i am also aware of much of their faith and culture and i do not enjoy "humor" written to lampoon people's faiths or cultures.

    and i am not your "dearest" anything.
    Posted 16 months ago by flask Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Making fun of a religious group that you are not even a member of is probably not a truly good idea in a community.  Perhaps substituting "I'm a Luddite" would have gotten the  point across without ridiculing a specific religion.
    Posted 16 months ago by WindBorn Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I find it hilarious that someone actually tried to get offended and claim that the OP was making fun of the Shakers.

    For the record:
    As a Witch of eclectic Pagan Faith, I do give you, the posters on this forum, free License to make fun of my Religion and Mythology, both in it's persons, stories and traditions.
    You may freely ridicule my Gods and beliefs as much as you like, for any purpose.

    Anyone who cannot bear the idea of the questioning of their beliefs or the idea of their deities being made fun of is a person so hostile to friendly, civilized culture that I do not wish to know them. They are the sort of person who starts wars and throws Molotov cocktails at people they don't like. These are the people who think their views are more important than the rights, freedoms, opinions and happiness of others, and who do not understand that you must first pillage, then burn.
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Dr Barf - you're brilliant! I loved this... Very well written. You should be a writer / reporter for the Weekly Ur.  *hint hint*
    Posted 16 months ago by CoffeeSnob Subscriber! | Permalink
  • LOLROTFL, Doc Barf!!! Yes - very well written! I will be bartering for your canned cherries, myself! Poor, poor flask! For heaven's sake, someone frog him a sense of humor, or some purple at the very least!!! ;)
    Posted 16 months ago by Hab Subscriber! | Permalink
  • (Oh, for the record: WindBorn, Luddites are an actual religion with a LOT more than three active members. Everyone on the internet is just used to making fun of them. Also, chill.)
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Gonna say this and not reply when it starts hitting the fan. I thought your post was hysterical, doctor barf. I find it odd that someone got offended, but there will always be naysayers.
    Posted 16 months ago by bored no more Subscriber! | Permalink
  • For the record, I didn't find this funny at all. Nope, not even a smile. On the other hand, I wasn't offended by it, either. It's just a waste of space, as far as I'm concerned.
    Posted 16 months ago by MicklePickle Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Murri!  :D  I <3 you now. 
    Posted 16 months ago by Feylin Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Yes Murri! A bazillion times yes! A working sense of humor is vital to maintaining a healthy capacity for kindness.
    Posted 16 months ago by Aleph Zero Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Luddites are not and never were a religion.  They were an anti-technology social and political  movement in the 1800s. 
    Posted 16 months ago by WindBorn Subscriber! | Permalink
  • You know, upon re-reading the original post, I feel that it is needful to point out that hook-and-eye closures do not in my experience stay shut in windy conditions.

    Except on the backs of bras.

    LONG LIVE THE BUTTON!

    But +1000000 to lattice-top pies. Especially ones with pork.
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • if you wish to question my beliefs, fine. if you wish to enter into a civilized dialogue about faith and culture, i'm all over that.

    i do not consider the mocking of other people's cultures to be part of civilized dialogue and call it out when i see it.

    it doesn't take away anyone's right to be as rude as they wish to people on the basis of belief or culture, but neither does it take away my right to say it isn't ok with me.

    for the record, murri, when discussing YOUR faith i am much more likely to wish you a happy and blessed lugnasadh than i am to ridicule you or your beliefs. i think life is more pleasant that way and then we can laugh together at what's funny instead of lobbing potshots at people different than ourselves.
    Posted 16 months ago by flask Subscriber! | Permalink
  • "i think life is more pleasant that way and then we can laugh together at what's funny"

    And I think Murri was inviting you to laugh with her at the funny parts of her religion. :)
    Posted 16 months ago by Feylin Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I don't think he's mocking Shaker culture.  I think he's mocking the people who get upset about something in a game that isn't real and no-one is forcing them to play. 
    Posted 16 months ago by shhexy corin Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Further proof that there's always someone somewhere who is offended over something or even anything. People just need to lighten up when something, such as this, is done in good humor without tasteless or callus remarks. Comedy has little boundaries and this was a VERY funny innuendo to making fun of the fact that there are many threads on this board asking the devs to stop or change something in the game because *THEY* are offended by it.

    Well done Doctor Barf, well done! Gave me a smile this morning during my scone and coffee.
    Posted 16 months ago by c0mad0r Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Flask, there isn't much that is funny that doesn't actually laugh AT something or someone.
    Really.
    Find me ONE funny thing that isn't laughing AT something someone might care about.

    And you're making the assumption that I celebrate the festival of Lugh's Night, which is a vicious stereotyping of Pagan belief. You're assuming I follow a Celtic/Germanic path with no substantial evidence of this. If I were following a Dianic path, I would not even begin to celebrate festivals of the heathen Gauls. If I follow a Norse or Egyptian path, likewise.

    For the record, I am a Celtic/Egyptian mix with a 60% chance of shamanism and a 30% chance of either animism or rain. Possibly clearing late in the afternoon with light fog and bane hounds overnight.

    If you want to bring up your faith, I'll be more than happy to take silly pot shots at it, and/or the fact that your mother was a hamster.

    If you want to continue being needlessly serious about subjects like religion, I will write you off as a troll and let you go have a humorless crusade elsewhere, far from me. 

    One Man's religion is another Man's bellylaugh. - Lazarus Long
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • my mother was a hamster, you insensitive duck
    Posted 16 months ago by bored no more Subscriber! | Permalink
  • In case there is anyone here who couldn't tell, there was no way that I could type "vicious stereotyping of Pagan belief" with a straight face.
    /disclaimer
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I AM NOT A DUCK!
    Ducks killed my Father, you insensitive brute.

    I will see you at dawn, by the river.
    With pistols.
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • "I don't think he's mocking Shaker culture.  I think he's mocking the people who get upset about something in a game that isn't real and no-one is forcing them to play. "

    YUP
    Posted 16 months ago by Nanookie Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @Nanookie: Whether or not we agree with someone else's feelings and opinions.. they still have a right to have and to voice them.

    I agree with Windborn.. it's sort of in poor form to make fun of someone else's religion (in an attempt to make fun of someone who is merely voicing an opinion).

    That's actually why I like Glitch.. the fact that people will argue in good spirit most times and, despite not always being in agreement, generally don't hold it against each other. I don't think a post set in this manner really promotes that sort of spirit in the forums.
    Posted 16 months ago by Zeezee Subscriber! | Permalink
  • *sigh* ok, it's dead, Jim.

    This is a new record, I think, for fastest time till silly funny was killed by PC bullshit.

    Really hoping this trend doesn't manage to affect the Dev's willingness to keep the game silly.

    ALSO: Bored, I still expect you to show. I'm bringing the pistols, be sure you bring a second.
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @Murri -- AWESOME. So, how many fluffy-bunny Wiccans does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Answer: "None! We just think happy thoughts at our quartz crystals and they glow~~ *giggle*"
    Posted 16 months ago by Arii Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I'll be there, Murri. Anyone that hates ducks deserves to die
    Posted 16 months ago by bored no more Subscriber! | Permalink
  • *thinks happy thoughts at Arii's crystals*
    We should probably be good and not start picking at Greek and Roman Paganism, too much to work with there, and too many roads to Priapic humor.

    Bored: Any duck lover who dares show their face in public deserves to be eaten by weasels, but I will be willing to accept shooting you at least twice at thirty paces as a substitute, you lousy half-hamster beast.
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • geeez - hasn't anyone noticed that ol dr barf loves to stir it up?? as do many, many, many, many, oops - sorry - keys stuck -of us.  it's probably because of the birds in his beard or something like that.  don't we all really have birds in our beards?  let's be honest here because it's a glitch thing to be honest, right?  there's something in every forum that can offend someone.  just as if we were talking at the mall and someone overheard us and gets their panties in a wad.  is it their fault for listening? i say YES!  and i don't like witch stuff either, but i don't blame murri for having a duck for a father.   i love youuuuuuuuu all, ducks shakies, hampsters incl.       
    Posted 16 months ago by little peep Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @bored - i will be your second.  i really love ducks.
    Posted 16 months ago by little peep Subscriber! | Permalink
  • My Father was NOT a duck!
    He was fowly murdered by duckish assassins.
    Probably paid off by the Hamsters, now that I think about it.
    The knife they left DID smell of elderberries....
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • murri - you protest too much.  it is done.  your father = duck.  just learn to live with it, or go ahead and shoot bored.  but after you shoot her, i'll shoot you, so what's the point? 
    Posted 16 months ago by little peep Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Shame your father did not duck when the hamster assassins came for him!
    Probably did not see them hiding in the shrubbery I guess.
    Deepest sympathy to your family.
    Garlic will remove the smell of elderberries.
    Posted 16 months ago by Cassandria Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Little Peep, it is obvious you do not understand the point of a second in a duel.
    Therefore, my second will have to shoot you while I'm shooting Bored as a precaution.
    Terribly sad that it's come to this....but it must be done, if for naught other reason than your repeated slandering of my honorable Father at the hands of fowl assassins. 

    Cassandria, it is true that the shrubbery was quite thick, and also that garlic was required to remove the smell. Happily, bleach removed the stain as well.
    Thank you for your sympathy.
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • i second that! but, i thought i could fall to the ground behind bored and pop off the two of you.  i think that will work. 
    Posted 16 months ago by little peep Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Hmm. Sounds like I'm going to need a third with a pair of coconuts and a sniper rifle.

    This is getting complex.
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Possibly expensive. From the sound of things, my third will need to have a FAST pair of coconuts...
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • and of course, bleach is needed to clean up duck mess.  you keep tripping yourself up murri.
     
    Posted 16 months ago by little peep Subscriber! | Permalink
  • little peep, so you are against me now?
    Posted 16 months ago by bored no more Subscriber! | Permalink
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