I would like to preface this post by stating that this is in no way intended as a criticism, a challenge, or an offensive strategy of any sort.
I'm writing this because I feel it is important to have a safe space for QUILTBAG individuals, and not just here, but everywhere. Recently, as the vast majority of you know, there has been a lot going on in the Glitch community that could easily be considered controversial. Personally, I must say that I sincerely and genuinely felt that Glitch was no longer a safe space for me as a gay biological male and genderqueer/unidentified individual.
"Why is this such a big deal to you?," you might ask. Personally (and again, this is only my experience and I can't say all other QUILTBAG individuals have experienced the same thing), for my entire life, I've been made to feel like I was lesser than everyone else because of who I love and who I was attracted to, regardless of the fact that I could not change that and that, innately, there was nothing wrong with that. I was threatened to be kicked out of my home at a formulative age because my mother was too ashamed of who I was, as well. When I held hands with the person I loved, in public, I had people flat out tell me I was "disgusting" and had families pull their children closer as my love and I walked by (presumably because they could either "catch the gay" or become victims to pedophilia). And worst of all, I've personally known others who also felt as though they were lesser because of who they were, and internalized this, and ended up taking guns to their heads or wrapping ropes around their necks or jumping off of buildings to not have to feel that way anymore. And no, none of those friends survived. And yes, I had, once upon a time, considered following suit. And did I mention when others have attacked us? Not just verbally, but physically. I've seen the black eyes, the bruises, and the resulting broken bones given to my friends by strangers and loved ones alike, because they were somehow abominations to the rest of humanity (and by "somehow" I mean "illogically").
I'm tired of being told that I'm too sensitive. I'm tired of being told that I should grow a pair. I'm tired of seeing the same complacency, antipathy, and apathy that I see in the real world. I'm tired of the way it makes me feel, and the way it has made so many of the people I love feel. I'm tired of being told to stop "playing the victim" and having blame (and shame) thrown on me for sincerely fearing for my livelihood and having the courage to say something. I'm tired of not feeling safe. I'm tired of losing friends to self-harm, self-injury, and suicide because of it. I know many people have difficulty seeing this as even remotely close to a life-or-death issue, but that is, in fact, what it is to me. I'm also tired of not being afforded enough protection to not have to worry about being bullied and harassed. And I know I'm not alone.
I in no way intend to be a spokesperson for all QUILTBAG individuals, because I am not presumptuous enough to deny that everyone, whether within the QUILTBAG communities or outside of them, has completely different experiences. I cannot say that we all experience the same thing. I cannot say that we all have horror stories or that we are all victims. But many of us do, and many of us are. Many of us truly, irrefutably are.
And for those of us that are seeking a safe space, I want you to know that it's there. I want you to never have to feel alone, or to ever have to feel like there's nothing you can do and that there is no hope.
A couple of months ago I created the QUILTBAG (Queer, Questioning, Unidentified, Intersex, Lesbian, Transgender, Bisexual, Asexual, Allied, Gay and Genderqueer) group here at Glitch. As an administrator of the group, I will do my best to ensure that this is the safest space possible for all included. Allies are much more than welcome to join and participate. Unfortunately, if individuals involved with the group become a threat to the safety of the space, they may be invited to leave. Also, clearly, this is not a therapy group nor a crisis resource and should not be treated as such.
"What makes you so qualified to run a group like that and ensure people feel safe?" Well, I feel I must say that, again, everyone may define safety differently and that I alone cannot monopolize control of the group and dictate what happens there and what doesn't (nor do I want to). But I can safely say that anyone that were to ever feel unsafe would be more than welcome to talk about it and that we, as a group, can define what happens within the group. If it is important for anyone to understand what my background with the QUILTBAG communities is like, I want people to know that I do have extensive experience working with and advocating for the allied QUILTBAG communities. I am the former co-Editor-In-Chief of one of the largest student-run QUILTBAG newsmagazines in the nation, which was published at a very reputable public university. I was also a writer and advice columnist for that publication. Luckily, I was accepted back into that same university for their graduate program and earned a Master's in Social Work, which requires extensive training in cultural sensitivity (and, yes, the QUILTBAG communities are all considered to have their own culture). Not only that, but while in that graduate program, I was freshman representative for the LGBTQ Caucus within the department and then went on to being one of the head executive Co-Chairs for that same organization; also, because of this position I was also asked, along with my co-chair, to give presentations about what it means to be an LGBTQ individual to incoming graduate classes also studying social work. And finally, as a social worker and clinical therapist, I have worked first-hand with QUILTBAG individuals who have struggled with their identities and also come from a diverse array of backgrounds, have different stories to tell, but have all struggled somewhere along the road (including struggling with suicidality). At my last agency, I also provided everyone with purple ribbons to wear on the day of remembrance honoring QUILTBAG youth who were victims of suicide, and at my current agency I am being utilized for similar outreach.
I know I have not been the most diplomatic individual on the forums. In fact, I would consider "rabid" to be an appropriate description of my behavior, recently. I can attribute that to my fight-or-flight response, but that's not to say that I don't also accept responsibilty. However, when it comes to this group, I know when and how to put that aside and I truly, genuinely, and whole-heartedly want people to feel safe there without having to worry about drama and arguing and bullying and bigotry and hatred.
But, if you still do not feel comfortable there, there is another group which was started even earlier than the QUILTBAG group, and where I know anyone is also welcome: the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender) group (run by Storm). You are also more than welcome to join both.
Again, this is not an attack or confrontation on anyone. I am just passionate about making it easier to simply be QUILTBAG, and about helping others not have to feel alone, dejected, hopeless, etc. Of course, again, this doesn’t mean all QUILTBAG individuals feel this way. But many do. And even one that does is one too many.
tl;dr: On Glitch, there are at least two LGBT or QUILTBAG-oriented groups, and I also neglected to earlier mention the group dedicated to transgender individuals. I admin the QUILTBAG group and would like to welcome everyone into the group, and for all to know that I will do my best to ensure it is a safe space for social support.