In my own natural life, I make strides to avoid technology whenever possible. I ride a mule along the path to work, where I harvest strips of bark and weave them into baskets (clockwise, naturally) for barter with my local brethren and sistren. I do not own a tele-vision, a tele-phone, or a radio-device, and I will only glance at the cover of a newspaper if it happens to be lying spread-eagled like a corrupt heathen in front of my burdening beast. I eat only peaches and beans I have canned myself, and I always finish everything on my plate. I find the modern world cold, isolated, unfriendly and a corruption of the Higher Power's Holy Will.
And now, in Glitch, I am inundated with the sinful tools I have striven to abstain (from). Radios of DD, DB, CD! Fruit changers (Bedeviled things!) and electronic spice grinders (woe betide the lowly pestle), headphones (doubtless insinuating Satanic ditties into my heretofore mercied ear-spaces), so-called "sub–way" systems for transportation against the natural order (walking/mules) and – most offensive of all – a wardrobe reliant on buttons.
What fate befell the humble hook-and-eye closure? I demand the developers accede to my demand, however bizarre they may feint to find it, that all technology and buttoned-clothes be removed from the game. I demand they desist the disrespect of my noble tradition, that they create a space sympathetic for the holy worship of my highly individualistic ideals, and cease their relentless, unyielding drive toward a universe out of sync with nature and the Higher Power's Plans. In righteous fury let them reduce the Subway system to a humble root-celler full of bottled herb tinctures, canned cherries, and lattice-crusted pig-flesh pies. Let us make unto this new space a world free of the shackles of the mechanical devils, a place where Man can live apart from Machine in adherence to the strictest will of the powers above.
Let us Rise together against this Mockery of my Tenants, and stride toward a glowing sunset where we, citizens of Glitch, can live together without the whips and chains of the technological conspiracy.