Topic

Discussion behavior and general courtesy..

Right now I am very offended and upset with Mr. Dawgg's response to Windborn in the discussion he started in the Ideas forum.  I hope someone at TS is reading and will do something because I feel that this kind of rudeness in not acceptable under any circumstances and has no place in the forums.  (See the response there to Windborn's comment).

Posted 17 months ago by Joni Mitchell Subscriber! | Permalink

Replies

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  • There now you done it serfer0 - the thread derailed to nazis, we lost it now.
    (According to that one rule that states that threads/discussions end up with WWII comments).

    Anyway, please people  don't forget this is WRITTEN communication and is misunderstood sooooooo many times. You don't see someones face. Windborns post was neutral to me, maybe because I'm in a neutral state of mind? If I would have been annoyed before or thinking about people who are always needing to comment on everything I would have found it offensive (or rude, whatever, english is not my native language) maybe. If I would be uncertain I would think it was helpfull. It's all in the eye of the beholder.

    Now, as I also stated in a thread about "unwritten rules written down" - when you perceive a post as negative/rude, try to find reasons why it isn't meant that way.

    Some earlier posts of Mr. Dawgg seemed.. condeceding (spelling? Talking down to...not taking seriously... cynical) of tone due to the uber politeness, while others seemed more sincere.

    However, do not judge others the way you judge yourself. If you have a thick skin doesn't mean everyone has, over everyone SHOULD have. (I don't have one).

    As I tried to point out in a sort of subtle (well maybe not so very subtle) way in the tread  "Where are you from and how would you tell someone has a bad hairdo"  there is no common way of behaviour. Reading the replies you see lots of different attitudes, what is perfectly normal and ok behaviour for one would be totally rude to another.
    Just keep our differences in mind, and give every post a bit of slack and turn it in your mind to the most postivie post you can.

    (This post is not specifically directed at anyone, it is rather directed at everyone. I know, it is less effective that way because "everyone" doesn't exist... but that's another discussion.)
    Posted 17 months ago by Miriamele Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Personally I like to see a few people with horrible attitudes around the place. 
    It makes the more pleasant people stand out more.   Plus it gives everyone with any amount of common courtesy something to rail against.  
    Rather than thinking "That person has offended me", I just think of those kinds of posts as a community service. They show people what not to do and help to unite other players.

    (Plus, a rather large +1 @ what serfer0 said up there somewhere about the "holier-than-thou posts" from that particular user. ...oh dear, was that rude? My bad. )

    I do not like the idea of censorship on the boards. You start to do that and then we eventually end up not being able to post anything that could possibly offend anyone on earth, and people really do get offended by anything and everything. I'd rather be able to relax and post what I want to, than constantly think "Is this going to offend?".  
    Sure rudeness is... rude. But making rudeness not allowed would be kind of tough, without a clear idea of what everyone finds rude. For example, is the word "crap" rude? Not to me it's not, but to someone else, it could be just as bad as another four letter word starting with c.  
    Posted 17 months ago by Ebil Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Ok, no comment on the censoring thing or the rudeness, because I think everyone knows that I don't like either.

    But WindBorn, do you actually know what cisgendered means?
    (I'm wondering if that was an intelligence test you left out there, or a confusion.)
    For those who assumed that she meant some form of transgendered or a mental/physical gender mismatch, or a non-male+female sexual orientation, the term cisgendered actually means someone who's mental and physical gender match and are not in question at all. The term doesn't assume a gender normative environment, unlike "male" and "female", but does refer to someone of either male or female gender who prefers the opposite sex for relationships. More info: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cisge...
    Posted 17 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • A comment any mother could be proud of.  "I'm a crude person."

    Nothing more you can say after that is there?
    Posted 17 months ago by Leithwyn Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @Murri

    Yes, indeed, I know exactly what cis-gendered means. I used it deliberately.  You notice it was a comment directed at someone who was likely to already know the meaning.  Other people are free to ignore it or to let their curiosity lead them to finding out something new. 
    Posted 17 months ago by WindBorn Subscriber! | Permalink
  • It's sad to see the forums so full of negativity nowadays - the fact is there are some people that just have egos so big they look down on everyone else and some that just enjoy causing trouble..add that to the 'clicky' groups that are starting to appear now and it's very depressing some days. There are so many posts now that begin with a request for others to just move on quietly if they disagree with the OP instead of being plain nasty and rude...but of course that will never discourage some people. Bullies in the playground grow up to become bullies in the forums it seems and trying to teach out good manners and polite behaviour is just a waste of breath as they will only turn on you.
    Posted 17 months ago by Morticia Addams Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I think you all should read the last post of that idea thread ,at least it was placed int he right place.and his opinionated poster does this to everyone.a pain.
    Posted 17 months ago by Jellybelly Baby Subscriber! | Permalink
  • i can't help but wonder, if windborn and some of the others who seem to know how forum posts "really need to be" to "best" get ideas "considered by the devs when they start modifying the game" because "they're going to" do things one way and "no one is going to" do another, ever bothered to read *20 pages* of forum posts (going back farther than they have even been here in the game right now!) before posting, or if they have ever even put so much thought into contributing their ideas.

    also, passive-aggressive "helpfulness" is not the same as general courtesy.  just sayin'.
    Posted 17 months ago by katlazam Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Lately, I am enjoying thinking about the discussion forums as the "game", and the virtual world as just a ruse.

    And then, we reach the logical conclusion: "The only way to win is not to play."
    Posted 17 months ago by clare Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @clare - you may well be right there!
    Posted 17 months ago by Morticia Addams Subscriber! | Permalink
  • yeah, i think clare is definitely on to something there...   at the *very least* it feels like it is high time for an off-topic forum for meta-discussions about courtesy and boredom and when the game is coming back on and pictures of your hot self and dev-player slash -- erm i mean, fanfic and the like!
    Posted 17 months ago by katlazam Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @Katlazam: lololol!  +1000
    Posted 17 months ago by Laurali Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Also Morticia: the same social rules that apply to the real world will probably apply to a game like this.  This game not only encourages social behaviors (ex: changes made to mining to encourage players to work together, new races and race tickets to encourage players working together, etc) but it also encourages bad social behaviors at times (ex: players being allowed to change the world as they please will be a breeding ground for people to come who want to start problems). 

    Anyways, my point is in this game there will always be cliques, there will always be negative people who enjoy causing problems and being rude.  I think we should prepare ourselves for the types of behaviors you don't like, because I'm guessing you will experience it.
    Posted 17 months ago by Laurali Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I am not taking sides in this discussion but I would like to point out that I hope we all want the forums to be a place where everyone can feel free to express their opinions. We aren't always going to agree (if we did it would be oh so boring I think) and there will be many times where someone might get offended at what someone else writes. The language might bother them or the tone that is used, but it is very easy to be misunderstood (I think) when the only clues you have to what the other person means is the words they have written down. I hope everyone can take a step back and agree that sometimes we disagree. I think that the intent of the original post was to express a personal opinion and the intent of the response was to suggest that perhaps there was a better way to be heard. But, having said that, in my opinion of the thread is that offense could be taken by both parties I don't think that that was the original intent of either posterand. I think WB meant to be helpful and MD was being blunt about his opinion of her help. I can only say that a forum post is a quick moment in time, people's feeling can get hurt, what is written can be misunderstood, I don't think any of us should take these forum posts too seriously.
    Posted 17 months ago by Gizmospooky Subscriber! | Permalink
  • +1 Gizmospooky.
    Posted 17 months ago by jasbo Subscriber! | Permalink
  • My brain just exploded at the thought of dev/player slash... (evil laugh)

    but +100 Gizmospooky
    Posted 17 months ago by Tradescantia Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @clare...I just had to pop in to say I just love your whole post:

    Lately, I am enjoying thinking about the discussion forums as the "game", and the virtual world as just a ruse.
    And then, we reach the logical conclusion: "The only way to win is not to play."

    And to add, we definately need smileys here. It could prevent a lot of misunderstanding of intent.
    Posted 17 months ago by Phoebe Springback Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I actually prefer my rhubarb under crumble. With or with out strawberries......just sayin :)

    It would be nice if we could ALL be nice. But that's never going to happen. At least these arguments give you a good idea on who to avoid during gaming :)
    Posted 17 months ago by Misha Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Leithwyn, you haven't met my mother. ;p    

    (She's also a very crude type of person.)
    Posted 17 months ago by Mr. Dawgg Subscriber! | Permalink
  • What's this about Nazi zombie attack dogs?
    Posted 17 months ago by Mahphisto Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Seventy posts. Three nods to Godwin's.

    All is well.

    Leithwyn, you haven't met my mother. ;p

    Oh wow...so...like...you actually know your mother?!? I feel...so very empty inside. And sad :(
    Posted 17 months ago by malo Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Wow.

    I cringed at Windborn's reply to Mr. Dawgg, though I did agree with the advice given.

    I cringed at Mr. Dawgg's defensive reply to the reply, though I understood where it was coming from.

    But neither of those are as cringe-inducing as this post. Seriously. That thread would have died. People could have moved on. The angst would have mellowed or been reserved to only those involved. Instead, we now have another example of where it's ok to call someone out by making a new post about how crappy they are... go look at the jerk! omg! bitch bitch bitch!

     This is hive baiting in hopes of activating a swarm and it's one of the most disruptive (and all too common) behaviors in online communities. 

    Princess Fi, I don't assume you meant to do this (I bet you intended to do good), but the next time you "hope someone at TS is reading and will do something", it might be better to go directly to them instead of creating a post to rally the troops against an individual.
    Posted 17 months ago by Vera Strange Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Imbri, you are correct.. I did not intend this.  Yes, I was offended by the behavior.  I do not know how to contact anyone directly.  I did not want to respond within the original post because I did not want to feed into it.  Instead, I feel like I created a monster.  I look forward to the time when TS updates the organization of the Forums as, if there were Mods, I would have expressed my feelings privately to whichever one might have been in place.  We don't have that option right now.

    I don't know Mr. Dawgg or Windborn (neither is in my friends list).  I should have given my feelings a cool down period.. or just typed something in notepad (what I do instead of sending an email I might later regret {smile's ruefully}).  That being said, my feelings about maintaining a courteous social environment remain unchanged.  The above trail of comments mostly just makes me sad as I don't understand why it is that anyone thinks it is ok to call people names.  
    Posted 17 months ago by Joni Mitchell Subscriber! | Permalink
  • If I agree with anyone here, it's imbri: this thread itself is inappropriate (sorry Princess Fi!) simply because two wrongs don't make a right and starting a thread to chasten another player is at least as "wrong" as calling another player a name. We do read (almost) everything and will take appropriate action when we think it is necessary. As a general rule, we're not going to jump into every minor squabble.

    Mr. Dawgg — I understand your point (and there's nothing wrong with "thanks, but I'll write my own idea suggestions however I want"), but I think you know you'll make that point more effectively by just leaving out the "jackoff" bit and avoid all this hullabaloo.

    And with that … thread closed!
    Posted 17 months ago by stoot barfield Subscriber! | Permalink
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