Topic

A safe space for QUILTBAG (Queer, Questioning, Unidentified, Intersex, Lesbian, Transgender, Bisexual, Asexual, Allied, Gay and Genderqueer) individuals.

I would like to preface this post by stating that this is in no way intended as a criticism, a challenge, or an offensive strategy of any sort.

I'm writing this because I feel it is important to have a safe space for QUILTBAG individuals, and not just here, but everywhere. Recently, as the vast majority of you know, there has been a lot going on in the Glitch community that could easily be considered controversial. Personally, I must say that I sincerely and genuinely felt that Glitch was no longer a safe space for me as a gay biological male and genderqueer/unidentified individual.

"Why is this such a big deal to you?," you might ask. Personally (and again, this is only my experience and I can't say all other QUILTBAG individuals have experienced the same thing), for my entire life, I've been made to feel like I was lesser than everyone else because of who I love and who I was attracted to, regardless of the fact that I could not change that and that, innately, there was nothing wrong with that. I was threatened to be kicked out of my home at a formulative age because my mother was too ashamed of who I was, as well. When I held hands with the person I loved, in public, I had people flat out tell me I was "disgusting" and had families pull their children closer as my love and I walked by (presumably because they could either "catch the gay" or become victims to pedophilia). And worst of all, I've personally known others who also felt as though they were lesser because of who they were, and internalized this, and ended up taking guns to their heads or wrapping ropes around their necks or jumping off of buildings to not have to feel that way anymore. And no, none of those friends survived. And yes, I had, once upon a time, considered following suit. And did I mention when others have attacked us? Not just verbally, but physically. I've seen the black eyes, the bruises, and the resulting broken bones given to my friends by strangers and loved ones alike, because they were somehow abominations to the rest of humanity (and by "somehow" I mean "illogically").

I'm tired of being told that I'm too sensitive. I'm tired of being told that I should grow a pair. I'm tired of seeing the same complacency, antipathy, and apathy that I see in the real world. I'm tired of the way it makes me feel, and the way it has made so many of the people I love feel. I'm tired of being told to stop "playing the victim" and having blame (and shame) thrown on me for sincerely fearing for my livelihood and having the courage to say something. I'm tired of not feeling safe. I'm tired of losing friends to self-harm, self-injury, and suicide because of it. I know many people have difficulty seeing this as even remotely close to a life-or-death issue, but that is, in fact, what it is to me. I'm also tired of not being afforded enough protection to not have to worry about being bullied and harassed. And I know I'm not alone.

I in no way intend to be a spokesperson for all QUILTBAG individuals, because I am not presumptuous enough to deny that everyone, whether within the QUILTBAG communities or outside of them, has completely different experiences. I cannot say that we all experience the same thing. I cannot say that we all have horror stories or that we are all victims. But many of us do, and many of us are. Many of us truly, irrefutably are.

And for those of us that are seeking a safe space, I want you to know that it's there. I want you to never have to feel alone, or to ever have to feel like there's nothing you can do and that there is no hope.

A couple of months ago I created the QUILTBAG (Queer, Questioning, Unidentified, Intersex, Lesbian, Transgender, Bisexual, Asexual, Allied, Gay and Genderqueer) group here at Glitch. As an administrator of the group, I will do my best to ensure that this is the safest space possible for all included. Allies are much more than welcome to join and participate. Unfortunately, if individuals involved with the group become a threat to the safety of the space, they may be invited to leave. Also, clearly, this is not a therapy group nor a crisis resource and should not be treated as such.

"What makes you so qualified to run a group like that and ensure people feel safe?" Well, I feel I must say that, again, everyone may define safety differently and that I alone cannot monopolize control of the group and dictate what happens there and what doesn't (nor do I want to). But I can safely say that anyone that were to ever feel unsafe would be more than welcome to talk about it and that we, as a group, can define what happens within the group. If it is important for anyone to understand what my background with the QUILTBAG communities is like, I want people to know that I do have extensive experience working with and advocating for the allied QUILTBAG communities. I am the former co-Editor-In-Chief of one of the largest student-run QUILTBAG newsmagazines in the nation, which was published at a very reputable public university. I was also a writer and advice columnist for that publication. Luckily, I was accepted back into that same university for their graduate program and earned a Master's in Social Work, which requires extensive training in cultural sensitivity (and, yes, the QUILTBAG communities are all considered to have their own culture). Not only that, but while in that graduate program, I was freshman representative for the LGBTQ Caucus within the department and then went on to being one of the head executive Co-Chairs for that same organization; also, because of this position I was also asked, along with my co-chair, to give presentations about what it means to be an LGBTQ individual to incoming graduate classes also studying social work. And finally, as a social worker and clinical therapist, I have worked first-hand with QUILTBAG individuals who have struggled with their identities and also come from a diverse array of backgrounds, have different stories to tell, but have all struggled somewhere along the road (including struggling with suicidality). At my last agency, I also provided everyone with purple ribbons to wear on the day of remembrance honoring QUILTBAG youth who were victims of suicide, and at my current agency I am being utilized for similar outreach.

I know I have not been the most diplomatic individual on the forums. In fact, I would consider "rabid" to be an appropriate description of my behavior, recently. I can attribute that to my fight-or-flight response, but that's not to say that I don't also accept responsibilty. However, when it comes to this group, I know when and how to put that aside and I truly, genuinely, and whole-heartedly want people to feel safe there without having to worry about drama and arguing and bullying and bigotry and hatred.

But, if you still do not feel comfortable there, there is another group which was started even earlier than the QUILTBAG group, and where I know anyone is also welcome: the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender) group (run by Storm). You are also more than welcome to join both.

Again, this is not an attack or confrontation on anyone. I am just passionate about making it easier to simply be QUILTBAG, and about helping others not have to feel alone, dejected, hopeless, etc. Of course, again, this doesn’t mean all QUILTBAG individuals feel this way. But many do. And even one that does is one too many.

tl;dr: On Glitch, there are at least two LGBT or QUILTBAG-oriented groups, and I also neglected to earlier mention the group dedicated to transgender individuals. I admin the QUILTBAG group and would like to welcome everyone into the group, and for all to know that I will do my best to ensure it is a safe space for social support.

Posted 17 months ago by Cerulean Subscriber! | Permalink

Replies

  • Kudos to Cerulean for this post and also for the *great* QUILTBAG acronym
    Posted 17 months ago by Kumi Kuhr Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Big belated "Thank you"s for this thread, Cerulean, coming to you from this inhabitant of the "B" and "A" sectors of the QUILTBAG galaxy.
    Posted 16 months ago by Vortexae Subscriber! | Permalink
  • What about us plain ol hetersexuals?
    Posted 16 months ago by xoxJulie Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I like to sew and quilt as a hobby, and I love QUILTBAG as an acronym for your group :) I visualize this beautiful work of metaphorical art made up of all the kinds of people who fit somewhere in the spectrum of the acronym. I'm not sure what letter would best apply to me but since I don't tend to think too deeply on labels that's okay. My little patch is sewn in there somewhere. My heart breaks for your experiences with hatred, and for everyone else's too. I haven't been a Glitchling for very long but so far my experiences within this community have all been positive...and you inspire me to do my part to help others feel safe here too.
    Posted 16 months ago by SuziMio Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Heterosexuals can carry quilted bags too, honey.
    Posted 16 months ago by Lilypad Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I agree for this type of groups. I'm speaking from a homofobic country (I am not). Those type of ppl. are very marginalised by heterosexuals, so they need a group of ppl. that are the same.
    P.S. I am not gay. (No offense)
    Posted 16 months ago by AddyC Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Excellent words Cerulean! Although I never suffered any homophobic attack I would like to share a story that recently happened here in Brazil: A homophobic group attacked a FATHER and his SON confusing them with gay people and the father simply lost a part of his ear! So cruel.
    I found a link with this matter in english for those who wanna check it: http://www1.folha.uol.com.br/internacional/en/dailylife/946134-father-and-son-say-they-were-beaten-by-homophobic-group.shtml

    Brazil is suffering hard homophobic attacks since the "homoaffective union" was legalized. And this time even straight people got hurt. The thing is that if they were not straight this story would not be showed massively as it was. So what's the deal? If they were gay then it will be ok attack them?
    Posted 16 months ago by acreditando Subscriber! | Permalink
  • There does seem to be something of a backlash happening around the world against Homosexuals having equal rights. Hell in Uganda they're talking death penalty just for being Gay. I think a large part of this has come down to the increasing pressure put on Governments to allow same-sex Marriage / Civil Unions and the fact that this has stirred up the hornets nests of right-winged religious nut cases who seem to believe their all kind and forgiving God wouldn't permit two people in love to be married.
    Here in the UK Civil Unions are legal and it is law that it to be recognised as equal to marriage by Employers and Goverment Agencies ... so basically any benefits an employer or Government would offer a spouse they have to offer to a Civil Partner. It's a step forward and one I know many haven't taken yet but I'll love the day same sex partners can "Marry" in a Church. Then I'll believe society is finally moving in the right direction.
    I do find it ... disenfranchising that Civil Unions are ONLY available to same-sex couples though so they continue to be marked as "other". If "Marriage" belongs to the Chirch then all Civil Ceremonies that happen in Registry offices or other locations outside of Church should be considered Civil Unions IMO.
    Posted 16 months ago by Angel Slocombe Subscriber! | Permalink
  • wait you made a post to promote your group for people who are in short "gay" i'm not gonna write out all the different types. It just seems a bit over the top if someone wants to join a group for "gay" people then i'm sure they can find it a forum post telling us about it seems a bit unnecessary. I am 100% sure that if i made a post about a group for "straight" people then i would probably get told that i am a bigot and that it's rediculous to spam the forums with a promotion for a group that is based off segregation, which is exactly what this is but it's ok because it is for "gay" people. Equal rights my ass
    Posted 16 months ago by Kev Kliner Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I hope this group is open to straight people as well who want to help promote gay rights.  Can I join up?  I've sometimes thought about being a lesbian, but only cause men make me angry lol
    Posted 16 months ago by Laurali Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Hmm, I so want to start a ranting thread as a "Safe place for 'right-winged religious nut cases' to post", but to me, ranting discussions like these are better left in private groups, and not in open forums...
    Posted 16 months ago by b3achy Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @Laurali  I believe you fall in to the A-Allied Part of QUILTBAG

    @b3achy I did not intend to lump all people who either believe in Right-Wing Politics or in a specific Religion under the banner "nut cases" and you quite rightly called me out on that because I phrased myself very badly. (nobody's perfect) I do believe people have a right to believe whatever the heck they like, my only requests are they that don't impose their beliefs on others and that they don't harm, physically or mentally, other people.  My point was that with LGBT groups lobbying heavily for Marriage and other equal opportunities there are certain extremists who TEND to claim they speak the word of whatever God they worship who have as a result come out all guns blazing and apparently determined to throw us all back into the closet. I was raised Catholic, I believe in God, I believe God is loving and that God is accepting and I believe God would have no issue with Homosexuality, simply because if he did, it wouldn't exist, in humans and in animals. Therefore I believe God would accept and approve of two people of the same-sex falling in love and choosing to commit to eachother for life in Marriage. It's tragic to see in our supposedly progressive era people being demonised and seperated simply because of an attraction they have no control over whatsoever. I don't believe we deseve special treatement, I just believe we deserve the SAME.

    @Kev Kilner the group is not just for "Gay" people. Transgender, and Intersex for instance have NOTHING to do with sexuality and are about Gender Identity. I believe the group is to support groups of people who have been marginalised by society due to a genetic predisposition they have no control over. Make a group for "straight" people if you wish, I have no issue with that. Straight people are welcome in this group as "Allies" if they support the people who are marginalised.
    Posted 16 months ago by Angel Slocombe Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @Laurali: Of course, one of the things "A" stands for is "ally." :)
    Posted 16 months ago by Sheepy Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Some of our friends who play Glitch have experienced severe discrimination in RL simply because of who they are. Being exposed to the attitudes and beliefs that have encouraged that discrimination can be upsetting, and the general forums are sometimes an unsafe space, though they are much better than what you find elsewhere on the internet.

    The post is advertising a group that is meant to be a safe space, and was posted specifically at a time when the forum felt unsafe. The group is open to anyone who would like to support those with different sexuality/gender identifications from what is considered the norm, and includes "straight" identified people as well. None of the posts here or in group forums have been attacking straight people in any way, only showing support for people who are often marginalized and/or overtly threatened.  
    Posted 16 months ago by crowdedsky Subscriber! | Permalink
  • +1 for the whole explanation/exploration of QUILTBAG.  I knew it was used and generally why, but not all the details. 
    Posted 16 months ago by Feylin Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I don't understand why people come onto forums and complain about the threads, they have a title so that you can see what you want to read and what you don't want to read, and if you find something that you don't care to read, you can just pass over it and move onto one that interests you.
    Posted 16 months ago by Laurali Subscriber! | Permalink
  • +1 Laurali

    If you're just reading it to upset yourself... why read it at all? There are lots of other threads, or start one about a topic you DO want to talk about! ;)
    Posted 16 months ago by Heyoheya Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I agree that some people don't understand the difference between being oppressed and not being oppressed. It would be stupid for anyone that's oppressed to say "well I'm going to pretend like I'm going to be treated equally when I, historically, have not been." Some may say I'm highlighting our differences. I choose to acknowledge the truth in that we are targeted and treated differently FOR NO GOOD REASON and that people like me -- and people like us -- need a safe space.

    EDIT: And if you wanted to create a group to further advance a group that is not oppressed, marginalized, or typically discriminated against, I suppose that's your prerogative. Oh! I see someone already did create a group like that... well, kudos to you. Exercising your equal rights. Wtg.
    Posted 16 months ago by Cerulean Subscriber! | Permalink
  • By the way, everyone, the last pink triangle survivor passed away this weekend. For those of you that don't know, gay (and generally QUILTBAG individuals) were targeted during the Holocaust, along with Jewish individuals. While Jewish individuals were made to wear stars of David, QUILTBAG folks were made to wear pink triangles. You know, before they were gassed.

    Do people realize that people around the world are still being killed on a daily basis simply for being QUILTBAG? In many countries, it's forbidden by law and punishable by death. Even in the U.S... hate crimes against QUILTBAG individuals occur several times a week and many do result in death. I find it appalling and, frankly, disgusting, that there are still people that don't support causes like ours. Well, it's the same cause that many others are motivated by: equality. Though we are already equal, we certainly aren't treated that way.

    ETA: "You have enemies? Good, that means you stood up for something." - Eminem
    Posted 16 months ago by Cerulean Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Asking to be treated equally is not oppressing those who have thus far never been marginalized.
    Posted 16 months ago by Heyoheya Subscriber! | Permalink
  • PERFECT. That's a perfect statement, Heyoheya. My friends at Tumblr will love it and I'm going to have to quote you, lmao.
    Posted 16 months ago by Cerulean Subscriber! | Permalink
  • :D
    Posted 16 months ago by Heyoheya Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Bravo, Heyoheya.  I would also add that equality does not bring the privileged down.  It raises all of us up.
    Posted 16 months ago by jasbo Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Indeed. "Where's my right to continue oppressing others?" is a rather silly question.

    Funny, someone mentioned "right-wing" individuals in this thread. I showed the estrogen thread, and this one, to a close frind of mine who happens to identify as Republican. She also disagreed with the other thread and is fully supportive of our cause. Too bad she doesn't play Glitch, but she has a good point when she says it doesn't make sense to discriminate against people who are equal to you and aren't doing anything wrong, lol.
    Posted 16 months ago by Cerulean Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @Sheepy

    High fives for describing yourself as peoplesexual! We should start a Peoplesexual People movement, or something.
    Posted 16 months ago by Seylah Subscriber! | Permalink
  • So is it safe to say this group is "gay"?

    *if anyone takes offense to the above statement it's a safe assumption that you probably should not be on the internet... or even leave your house for that matter because you are too sensitive.
    Posted 16 months ago by Kev Kliner Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Hey, if I've correctly caught on that you've created a group for this, could you invite me?
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • It's my belief that there are not so many people that are too sensitive as there are those that are too insensitive. And your judgment about our sensitivities, regardless, is essentially meaningless.

    @Murri -- The link is in the OP. Anyone is free to join. :D

    ETA: Haters gonna hate.
    Posted 16 months ago by Cerulean Subscriber! | Permalink
  • calling attention to yourselves in a game only leads to further segregation.  I dont need a straight group to enjoy glitch, I don't think you need a QUILTBAG (unless your actually storing a quilt in a bag) group unless you enjoy being an identifiable minority.

    Just my thoughts.
    Posted 16 months ago by fouroh4 Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @fouroh4 -- That argument has been presented before. And it simply isn't true. Creating a resource for people to utilize when they have been discriminated against doesn't create further segregation unless the oppressor chooses to take it personally. Which usually happens, but you can't blame the oppressed group for that.

    If what you have said were true, there would have been no need for Dr. Martin Luther King in the 60s. He didn't further segregate African Americans. He provided a voice for them, and out of it came many groups, like my QUILTBAG group, that have stuck around to ensure safety.

    Does a Christian going to church further create segregation? How about a veteran going to the VA?

    To pretend that we don't need protection or safety more than "manstream" individuals is a fallacy. What about Matthew Shepard? Gwen Araujo? Lawrence King? And the many more that lose their lives simply for being one of many who choose to do the right thing by not letting others oppress them and by simply being themselves.

    My group isn't out of spite. It's not "us against them" unless you want it to be. My group is for people that are looking for other people that can relate, that have seen our struggle, and can be fully supportive. And anyone that's been in there the past few days can already see the good coming out of it. :)
    Posted 16 months ago by Cerulean Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Maybe I'm a minority of one, in the fact that I don't register what peoples preferences in sex are unless they flat out tell me and I don't really give a damn.  If I like that person I like that person no matter what.  Why should it bother me one way or the other who people want to have sex with.  That seems very personal and not a very good reason to judge anybody.  I don't have time for really down to the core mean people, bullies or just plain stupid obnoxious assholes.  That goes for heterosexuals, bisexuals or even trisexuals.  I want to friends with people who are fun to be with.  When I was really young I learned that to have a friend is to be a friend, this idea has always worked for me.  It hurts my heart that so many people look for any reason to be so hateful to others who aren't a carbon copy of theirselves.  Diversity is the spice of life, just think how awful it would really be if each and everyone was exactly the same.   
    Peace
    Posted 16 months ago by xoxJulie Subscriber! | Permalink
  • and peace to you too xoxjulie I like that word.
    Posted 16 months ago by Phochai Subscriber! | Permalink
  • xoxJulie, you're not alone.  

    I remember when my stepbrother came out to me - I spent a really, really long time trying to compose an e-mail that said, "I support you" without seeming like I thought he needed my approval and "It's none of my business" without seeming like I didn't care.  I am not sure I worked so hard or so carefully on any other piece of prose in my life.  

    It was deeply important for me to get that right because I love and respect him - he's the only brother I have and we're like two goofy peas in a pod: we look alike, we finish each other's sentences, and we have the same bizarre sense of humor - even though we don't share any DNA.  And when he is threatened, I feel like I could turn into something with sharp teeth and claws to defend him.  And I honor Cerulean for offering the same safety.

    But his sexuality has nothing to do with any of those feelings.  The fact that he has green eyes has nothing to do with those feelings.  His inexplicable lack of appreciation for Joss Whedon* has nothing to do with any of those feelings.  His insane artistic gifts have nothing to do with any of those feelings.  Those are all parts of who he is, so they are important to me, but they don't enhance or diminish my love for him - they just ARE him.

    Am I making any sense at all here?  

    *One of the few things we don't have in common.
    Posted 16 months ago by jasbo Subscriber! | Permalink
  • +1 jasbo
    +1 xoxJulie 

    A person's sexual orientation really doesn't matter to me. I do however respect the desire to have a group of similar friends. I love a night out with my women friends. It's different than when we're with our male partners. A group of women friends are not against men. They just want the comfort of others who understand the way they feel and think. It's a different energy not better or worse.

    I love people who are kind and considerate of others and who respect and invite differences. I also love people who choose to focus on the things that unify rather than divide. I'm proud that I've raised my children to be the same way. Diversity makes us stronger.
    Posted 16 months ago by Riverwalker Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @jasbo HOLY CRUMBCAKE! No appreciation for Joss Whedon? How could you like a person like that?
    Posted 16 months ago by crowdedsky Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @crowdedsky - let me tell you a story:

    Brother and his then-boyfriend M. were visiting us.  We took them to Virginia wine country.  M. was very much a city boy.  He looked out the window at a large, white ruminant and asked, "Is that a COW or a GOAT?"

    My brother turned to him and deadpanned, "That's a walrus, M."

    HOW COULD ANYONE NOT LOVE SOMEONE WHO CAN COME UP WITH THAT?!"
    Posted 16 months ago by jasbo Subscriber! | Permalink
  • well...  ok then, carry on
    Posted 16 months ago by crowdedsky Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I *heart* Whedon!

    And I completely agree with all of you. Technically, it doesn't matter who identifies as what, nor does it matter whom someone is attracted to (with the exception of abusers of children and the differently abled, of course). But since people make such a big deal out of it to the point where we're being killed for it, we need to at least have some defenses ready to keep us alive. Please note that defenses and offenses are different things, and I'm speaking more along the lines of protections.
    Posted 16 months ago by Cerulean Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Totally with you, Cerulean.  

    And it's too bad that there are always people who will assume that "protect" one group really means "attack" another.  It's stupid and small-minded and clearly not what you intend.
    Posted 16 months ago by jasbo Subscriber! | Permalink
  • And its called WAR
    Posted 16 months ago by xoxJulie Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @xoxJulie -- What's called war? War is when someone launches an attack and someone attacks back. But when someone attacks and you try to stave off the attacks with a shield or protection, that's just plain self-defense. It's not right for us to be discriminated against and simply let it happen. I'd like to see victims of domestic violence get blamed for being at war when they defend themselves against their abusers, and have the blamers see what the resulting backlash of that would be. Because the two situations are very similar.

    @Jasbo -- Exactly. Which is why it's so ridiculous when I hear "heteronormative" people say "what about my group?" I'm sorry, I didn't realize heteronormative individuals have been oppressed for centuries on end and that you are being killed weekly for being heteronormative. I didn't realize that your identity has been thrown around as a pejorative for most of your life or that there are laws forbidding you from not only loving who you want to but expressing that love. OH WAIT, that's because that's not the case.
    Posted 16 months ago by Cerulean Subscriber! | Permalink
  • +  a bajillion to this thread. Good work, Cerulean!

    I lol'd at 'peoplesexual'. Since I'm a cis-girl (ok more gender-fluid, but whatevs) in a straight relationship, I don't bother to 'out' myself as pansexual or omnisexual very often in large part because I hate the terms. 'Peoplesexual' seems more fun and lighthearted. 

    In the event that I feel the need to identify with an orientation, I usually go with 'gender-blind'. If homosexuals can be gay or dykes or lesbians and heterosexuals get to be straight, I also want a term that drops the -sexual bit at the end and for me, 'gender-blind' fits the bill. I kinda dislike all of the -sexual words because I'd rather the relationships be the focus and not the sex. I feel like the un-allied straight world focuses too much on the sexy sexy sex parts and not enough on the love and respect parts so for me, having terms that feel more neutral makes me feel a little better and makes starting dialogues easier with straight people who might not get it or are a bit judge-y about it. 

    That said, I don't give a crap how other people identify/what words they use.
    Posted 16 months ago by leah Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @leah: Glad you liked it! What you describe is basically the intent behind the word. If I'm mentally/emotionally attracted to someone enough to want in their pants, it really doesn't matter what those pants actually contain nor what gender they present as. Er, the person, not the pants. Right.
    Posted 16 months ago by Sheepy Subscriber! | Permalink
  • There are many different kinds of WAR, but my very favorite quote:

    I am not only a pacifist but a militant pacifist. I am willing to fight for peace. Nothing will end war unless the people themselves refuse to go to war. 
    Albert Einstein 
    Posted 16 months ago by xoxJulie Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Leah and Sheepy - I'm reminded of a conversation I had with my grandmother when I was in my early 20's.

    I was living in Minneapolis, far from my family in New England, and home for a visit.  My grandmother asked if I was seeing anyone.  I said no, then enthusiastically talked about the things I had done recently with my friend Jennifer.  Gramie asked, "Do you think you might be gay?"

    I responded, frustrated, "You know - I know so many cool women and so few cool men.  In some ways I really wish I was."

    She responded, "I know exactly what you mean."

    One of many reasons why I miss my grandmother so very much.
    Posted 16 months ago by jasbo Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I have loved many people and have never really worried about what their gender was. If I loved them, that's all that mattered.
    Posted 16 months ago by Centaurea Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Sheepy, that pretty well sums up how I roll as well.  But does that mean it does matter what gender the pants present as?  Because I need to know if people are judging pants. 

    I've always thought that I shouldn't hold something out of someone's control against them. Since, to the best of my knowledge, people don't get to pick what's in their pants (extensive surgical procedures aside)...

    Wait, does that mean *I* judge pants? People do choose those. What if I've been secretly pants-judging this whole time and didn't know?!
    Posted 16 months ago by Magic Monkey Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Oh, I totally judge pants. Hate denim, love pockets.

    =)
    Posted 16 months ago by Sheepy Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I just now gave myself time to read this thread and think that Cerulean deserves a round of applause for it! As well as all the beautiful and thoughtful replies. I am definitely an Ally:) Hub's best friend is a gay man (I think is right word; all these new terms have me confuzzled LOL), and hub and I have this long-running joke about how I was probably supposed to be a straight man and he was probably supposed to be a gay man, so it's a good thing we aren't or might not have gotten together ;). Also, hub has been made an honorary woman many a time (poor thing gets dragged to wedding showers and the occasional "girls" gathering), heeeeee. So we are very playful about these things to an extent. But seriously, I truly cannot imagine how horrible it must be to deal with all the issues you folks all brought up. All I can say is, you are true survivors and I heart you so much. Bless you all.
    Posted 16 months ago by RM Subscriber! | Permalink
  • You all are wonderful. And for the record, I absolutely love denim, lol. Especially skinny jeans when I am thin enough to don them. :P

    And thanks, RM! I LOVE hanging out with "the girls," lol. In other words, cis women that identify as heterosexual. They are fabulous to hunt men with, if they're single, and we get to share cosmo-tinis and the like. xD
    Posted 16 months ago by Cerulean Subscriber! | Permalink