Topic

As a Shaker, I am massively, inconsolably, offended by the over-reliance of technology in this game.

In my own natural life, I make strides to avoid technology whenever possible.  I ride a mule along the path to work, where I harvest strips of bark and weave them into baskets (clockwise, naturally) for barter with my local brethren and sistren. I do not own a tele-vision, a tele-phone, or a radio-device, and I will only glance at the cover of a newspaper if it happens to be lying spread-eagled like a corrupt heathen in front of my burdening beast.  I eat only peaches and beans I have canned myself, and I always finish everything on my plate.  I find the modern world  cold, isolated,  unfriendly and a corruption of the Higher Power's Holy Will.  

And now, in Glitch, I am inundated with the sinful tools I have striven to abstain (from).  Radios of DD, DB, CD! Fruit changers (Bedeviled things!) and electronic spice grinders (woe betide the lowly pestle), headphones (doubtless insinuating Satanic ditties into my heretofore mercied ear-spaces), so-called "sub–way" systems for transportation against the natural order (walking/mules) and – most offensive of all – a wardrobe reliant on buttons. 

What fate befell the humble hook-and-eye closure? I demand the developers accede to my demand, however bizarre they may feint to find it, that all technology and buttoned-clothes be removed from the game.  I demand they desist the disrespect of my noble tradition, that they create a space sympathetic for the holy worship of my highly individualistic ideals, and cease their relentless, unyielding drive toward a universe out of sync with nature and the Higher Power's Plans.  In righteous fury let them reduce the Subway system to a humble root-celler full of bottled herb tinctures, canned cherries, and lattice-crusted pig-flesh pies.  Let us make unto this new space a world free of the shackles of the mechanical devils, a place where Man can live apart from Machine in adherence to the strictest will of the powers above.

Let us Rise together against this Mockery of my Tenants, and stride toward a glowing sunset where we, citizens of Glitch, can live together without the whips and chains of the technological conspiracy. 

Posted 16 months ago by Doctor Barf Subscriber! | Permalink

Replies

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  • You have obviously never seen the castle of my family. The ducks never made it outside the walls. They were ripped apart by our knights when my Father's dying scream was heard.

    Feathers everywhere.
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • no no no bored - all of this is for you.  i just assume that you'll go to hampster heaven if this murri daughter of a duck shoots you. 
    Posted 16 months ago by little peep Subscriber! | Permalink
  • bored, i'm glad you showed up to defend your defender.  i'm thinking we should sneak up behind her when she's at the river and just do her in.  she has so many issues anyway..... 
    Posted 16 months ago by little peep Subscriber! | Permalink
  • screamed like a duck
    Posted 16 months ago by little peep Subscriber! | Permalink
  • why do her in ourselves when the cows can do it for us?
    Posted 16 months ago by bored no more Subscriber! | Permalink
  • how do we pay them?
    Posted 16 months ago by little peep Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I heard that!

    That's it!
    I'm hiring a trio of minks to kill both of you in your sleep, you honor-less wretches .
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @Doctor Barf, are we off our medication again ! What have I told you. Your fanciful diatribe is most amusing but...I have seen Shakertown near   Louisville Kentucky and you, Doctor Barf , are no Shaker !
    Posted 16 months ago by napabeth Subscriber! | Permalink
  • bored - get up to the seckrit cave and bring lots of  prisencolinensinainciusol.  i'll be there as fast i can.  we can do this!!
    Posted 16 months ago by little peep Subscriber! | Permalink
  • little peep- with ninja stars, of course
    Posted 16 months ago by bored no more Subscriber! | Permalink
  • napabeth - can you get up to the cave with bored and prepare the  prisencolinensinainciusol?   this is getting CRAZY RAZY CRAYz.  we all have to work together to contain this contagian. 
    Posted 16 months ago by little peep Subscriber! | Permalink
  • yes - of course, ninja stars.
    Posted 16 months ago by little peep Subscriber! | Permalink
  • *decides to play it safe and hires a couple dozen minks, a dozen raccoons and a certain very experienced wombat to organize the whole thing. Is confidant that her enemies will be dead shortly. Probably in their cave with wounds that look self inflicted.*
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • ok - sorry - i have to rl now.  i love you!
    Posted 16 months ago by little peep Subscriber! | Permalink
  • murri - you are pushing me to my limits.  i really must rl so please lay down and play dead for now. 
    Posted 16 months ago by little peep Subscriber! | Permalink
  • *notices that most of the other posters have quit responding. this is no doubt the work of the minks*
    Posted 16 months ago by bored no more Subscriber! | Permalink
  • *waits for reports from the minks and cackles softly to herself*
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • You have all lost it, officially.
    Posted 16 months ago by Innie✿, Obviously Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Very funny dr barf, maybe in the near future humor will be a criminal offense. So in the meantime...let the good times roll! (choosing to make the offended invisible) :)
    Posted 16 months ago by Priscilla Parsley Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I am a minx. I am offended.
    Posted 16 months ago by g33kgurrl Subscriber! | Permalink
  • As a member of "People offended by Offended People" (P.O.O.P), I'm offended. ;)
    Posted 16 months ago by c0mad0r Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Mink, not minx.
    One is made of fur and evil, the other wears fur and little else.
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Then I'm offended by the exclusion of minx from the conversation! 
    Posted 16 months ago by g33kgurrl Subscriber! | Permalink
  • You can't be. Minx are now included.
    FTFY
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I am a Manx and
    I demand equal time!
    Posted 16 months ago by Zev Bellringer Subscriber! | Permalink
  • *tries to pull your tail and fails*
    Ok, you really are a Manx.
    You're in. Coat check is to your right, weapons check to the left.
    Be sure to tip your waitress.
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Murri - Pulling on a Manx tail? Hmph! You must have tiny hands!
    Posted 16 months ago by g33kgurrl Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I did say I failed to pull the Manx's tail, thus ensuring it was a Manx.
    If I had been able to pull it's tail, it would have been merely a cat, and thus would have been sent to sit with you at the bar.
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I see said the blind man to the deaf dog as he picked up the hammer and saw!

    So I stand corrected and sit offended!
    Posted 16 months ago by g33kgurrl Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I would like to think this community is above making a joke out of other people's deeply held beliefs as a cheap way to silence criticism. Am I wrong?
    Posted 16 months ago by Pinot Myrmidon Subscriber! | Permalink
  • You've been included and given a seat at the bar.
    How can you still be offended you half-naked fur-wearing minx?
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Pinot -- I can't speak for anyone else but that isn't/hasn't been my intent.

    Murri -- Pour me a drink and we'll talk.
    Posted 16 months ago by g33kgurrl Subscriber! | Permalink
  • The only thing cheap about this is the humor. It's positively bottom dollar.

    But if the staff doesn't think we're funny and can't tell a lighthearted joke from something cruel and vicious, we can certainly go elsewhere for a drink and a shot of silly.
    Because let's face it, I'm never above being silly, and the only criticism was for the folks trying to force their views down other people's throats by demanding that this game change to please them when they had to go to some trouble to play it and aren't being prevented from leaving. 

    But then, if the intent here is that being silly won't be tolerated, no one is preventing me from leaving either.

    *pours the Minx at the bar a drink, shaken, with sparkle powder*
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Thanks Murri.

    I'll be silly with you anytime, anywhere. 

    Silly is in my genes. And my jeans.
    Posted 16 months ago by g33kgurrl Subscriber! | Permalink
  • But you aren't wearing jeans. *wink*  Just all that fur.
    *sips her drink*
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Question: Do trolls actually even WEAR clothes?
    (and for the record I understood the intent of this post but agree with those that say religion should stay out of such posts in the future)
    Posted 16 months ago by Holly Waterfall Subscriber! | Permalink
  • never mind minx and manx - what about us munx?

    www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgY...
    Posted 16 months ago by Cassandria Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Seriously Holly? Did you just suggest that my lovely Minx is a troll? Wow.

    Munks and Monks are both welcome here.
    Heck, the drunkest I've ever been was on ale made by Trappist Monks, so monks are certainly welcome.

    (Not joking. Chimay is excellent stuff, has 9% alcohol and comes in a bottle that it turns out should be shared, no matter how smooth it goes down.)

    Also, to the Minx:
    If mail of electrons you should ever wish to send,
    In a cauldron carefully tend:
    My name as seen,
    Night's color at it's darkest,
    And a long and noble blade to carve the path.
    With a yodeling yell, send it on, and it should reach my door.
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Not you Murri-a case of bad internet post-timing *sigh*
    Posted 16 months ago by Holly Waterfall Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Goodness gracious people, have you never encountered satire before?  

    I'm not making fun of anybody.  Except mules, possibly. Stubborn bastards.  

    The joke – and absurdity – of the entire premise is that a member of the Shaker faith would not be playing a computer game.  The post was a little foolish riff on the self-seriousness in which we all get bound in protecting what's ours in a forum related to a virtual world.  And to caricature an admittedly idiosyncratic and largely-defunct religion (whose membership is declining because the members don't procreate) for humor's sake is like lite NPR-Dad humor.  Like the Garrison Keillor joke:  "How do the Amish catch a deer?" "Sneak up and build a barn around it."  

    If you didn't find it funny, that's okay –– I'm not really a funny person.  I just scribbled down something when I woke up.  For kicks.  To paraphrase Roger Ebert, there are two things you can't argue people into or out of: a laugh and an erection.  But let's not call oppressive practices, spiritual intolerance, and religious criticism because of a piece of willfully satiric doggerel.   If the absurd and deliberate mischaracterization of Shakerism in the OP was not apparent on your first reading as absurd and deliberate mischaracterization, I can't convince you now.  Clearly, we don't share any of the same sense of humor.  And that's fine. But don't call me out for religious intolerance, or set up a straw-man "mockery of faith" argument and then knock it down.  If anything, I'll  cop to an ill-formed sense of humor, but it gets me through the night.  

    Frankly, I find religion kind of inherently funny:  I'm a real life Quaker, and if anybody's wants to take potshots at me, I won't say a word.  I'll keep mum. (See? Joke! It's Sensitive and Compassionate and Loving! Because we're a largely quiet faith).  
    Posted 16 months ago by Doctor Barf Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I never thought I'd say this to someone with the word Barf in his name, but....

    I love you, Doctor Barf. <3 <3 <3 
    Posted 16 months ago by NutMeg Botwin Subscriber! | Permalink
  • *sits quietly and eats her morning oatmeal*

    *hangs head* Yeah, Doc, that really was the best I could come up with right now.
    I've been up since 8pm yesterday. So it's late. That's my only excuse.

    *hugs a Holly, and hopes she's not as prickly as her namesake*
    Posted 16 months ago by Murri Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I'm sorry you had to explain yourself, Doctor Barf. Anybody who ever watched TV or hung around other kids when they were a kid knows there are far worse jokes out there. I think you're clever.But then again, I have a sense of humor.
    Posted 16 months ago by Shepherdmoon Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Thanks to all who created the second half of this thread.  It gave me more laughs than anything else I have read recently and did a wonderful job of defusing the overly-serious, often-negative postings in the first half.
    Posted 16 months ago by Hawkwell Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Well I love this conversation, and I did chuckle at the OP, I wouldn't want to make anyone feel like they can't speak up if they are offended by something. I will always disagree with that person, and I have mentioned I am against censoring content. but my only problem with this thread is that it may make other players feel scared to speak up about their opinions!

    That being said, I worship the ice cream god named Misaunti. He is a great god and lets me eat all the ice cream I want without gaining any pounds
    Posted 16 months ago by Laurali Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Pinot, I'm not sure who your comment was directed at, but if it was at me, I apologize. I had no intention of making fun of others' beliefs. If was taken as such, I am sorry.
    Posted 16 months ago by bored no more Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Doctor Barf, who were you attempting to satirize?
    Posted 16 months ago by striatic Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Holly -- are you calling me a troll?? 

    My hair is not troll-fabulous. It is SEXAYYYY! Which is why I am a minx and not a troll.

    Oh Laurali -- make mine gelato and I'm there!
    Posted 16 months ago by g33kgurrl Subscriber! | Permalink
  •  The post was a little foolish riff on the self-seriousness in which we all get bound in protecting what's ours in a forum related to a virtual world.  
    Posted 16 months ago by Doctor Barf Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I just read this whole thread and only have one thing to say:

    ho snap
    Posted 16 months ago by Ho Snap Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I am offended by any and all attempts to fill the world of glitch with "jokes" and off color references. This humor of yours will only drag us all down into the gutter.

    Your friend,
    Kantlips
    Posted 16 months ago by Kantlips Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I have an idea. If you are offended, you can say, "I can see you are trying for satire (unless, of course, YOU MISSED THAT PART), but it's a bit offensive to me (I think that TO ME is really important)" rather than go all ad hominem and say, for example, "while we're at it, why don't we open up threads to ridicule people of any and every faith?" 

    So you're offended. On behalf of someone else. That's commendable. But you don't get to be the arbiter of offense. In MY opinion, there was no ridicule of people. Dr. Barf was posting as a character, and pretty clever, too. 

    Other sources for "characters" include: plays, novels, short stories, songs, poems, movies, theatre, opera. Oh, and games! You may wish to study.
    Posted 16 months ago by Mac Rapalicious Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Hey guys, gonna have to close this thread down. Though we all love some good old-fashioned satire, (and yes, the device of a computer-using Shaker was clever) I'd rather not see that sharp wit directed at other players who are making honest suggestions about how they think the game could improve. If you disagree, respond with that candor we love but also with respect. These forums should be about making Glitch better, and trust that the devs have *all* of your wishes in mind when we consider making changes. The test is open people, go have fun!
    Posted 16 months ago by Blanky Subscriber! | Permalink
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