Potions:
Amorous Philtre:
A sensual-and highly infectious-blend of natural ingredients that stimulate the positive mood memory receptors of the Glitchate Brain. Smells like macaroons. *10% mood bonus that you pass on to another glitch as you pass.
Bruja says: “Bask in the 10% mood bonus you receive from the magical pink heart hovering directly above your mile-high fro. Then seek out a nearby emo glitch. Your mere touch will will help to patch up that bleeding heart and bring a smile to his pale, tear-streaked face.”
Ancestral Spirits:
Steadies the nerves and steels the soul against the onset of Ancestral Nostalgia. *Refills the Overwhelmed by Ancestral Nostalgia buff
“Getting kicked out of the Ancestral Lands is a major bummer. You could have sworn that last vacuole you picked up was going to see you through until you reached the paper tree in Distant Drag B! How will you ever get those T.S. Eliot poems you’ve so meticulously cut and pasted into Word out to the masses? Calamity! Relax, my ancestrally-overwhelmed glitch. More time is what you need, and more time is what you will get when you quaff this potion. Refills your buff and makes it easy for you to keep dropping obscure, witty quotes on each and every street in Andra. And again, think of all those drinks and vacuoles you’ll be walking away with!”
Charades:
A classic 'Parlour Potion', this benefits those surrounding the quaffer more than the quaffer themselves - but only if they can guess the word that unlocks the effect.
“Glitches with social anxiety will undoubtedly Love (capital L!) this game in a bottle. But only if you’re the type of socially anxious glitch who enjoys being suddenly and without warning surrounded by other glitches, who will then hurl nonsensical words your way as they attempt to guess the word you had probably long ago forgotten amongst the mellee. Everyone else will have a total blast, though.”
Door Drink:
The most bewildering of all potions, the dark alchemical secrets brewed into this potent brew can produce (and destroy) mysterious doors to far-off lands. You'll find yourself leaping from place to place, never knowing when the next leap could be the leap home.
“ ‘Bewildering’ doesn’t cut it in describing this potion. I didn’t figure it out until one of my neighbors popped through the last door i’d opened, wondering if perhaps the subway would have been a better way to get to Groddle. The phrase ‘When one door closes, another one opens’ applies here. I think. Let’s see if I can get this straight / explain it in a reasonable, feasible, logical manner. When you create a door and then enter, you will enter a street at the location where another glitch (or possibly you) last opened a door. Yeah, now you’re more confused than me right?”
Elixir of Avarice:
A natural blend that increases one's appetite for Quoins. Dosage: effective up to one potion per day. *allow you to collect +50 quoins for the day (150 total).
“Woo Hoo, 50 quoins richer each day! Eat THAT, Ikea-box mansion dwellers!”
Keycutter Tonic:
With a sharp metallic taste and acidic fizz, this is a concoction so strong that the fumes given off it when quaffed carve keys into the shape of other keys.
“Magically turns a Blue-Yellow Circle Key into a Teal-White Triangle key. Maybe.”
Potion of Animal Youth:
Animals, anxious about aging and longing for childhood, can be soothed by application of this potion: the only effusion with the proven ability to turn back time.
“Ya know those annoying butterflies you have to click through every time you try to feed a batterfly in your favorite cave? This lil’ number will make it so you never again accidentally Sing when all you really wanted to do was give the freakin’ batterly a couple (of hundred) eggs (all at once). And you get to keep the caterpillar. So fuzzy. I always keep a bottle or two handy.”
Rainbow Juice:
Where is the end of the rainbow? Apparently, in this bottle. Warning: may produce curious disruptive effect on air around it. Thus the term, 'Anti-Gravity Rainbow'.
“(Peter Griffin voice) Wheeeeeeeeeeee-eeeeeee-eeee-ee-e. e. e. I don’t know who this Pychon fella is but he sure makes a wicked-cool RAINBOW. Wheee-eeeee”
Rook Balm:
Originally marketed under the less classy RUK-B-GONE, this potion, post-rebrand, does precisely the same job - emergency full healing of any rooked critter or tree.
“Poor Mr. Tiddlywinks! The Grim Reapers of Ur have struck you low to the ground and you are meat out, dude! Alas, I will pour this magical balm upon you and you shall rise to greet another rooster call! Perhaps you would like to join me then for...shall we say...brekkie?”
Tree Poison:
Thick glass conceals a dark truth: the death sentence for five trees. But really, since the inevitable broom of death clears the way for new life, isn't it actually just "a life sentence for five NEW trees"? No, it's mainly just tree poison.
“For as long as there shall be the Spice/Gas wars, Herbalists will sell Tree Poison for 6000c. So it is written by the great Pot.”
Tree Poison Antidote:
The only known reprieve for the mostly dead tree (there's a big difference between "mostly dead" and "all dead"). Contains five sips at the last chance saloon for five lucky trees.
“Oops. You accidentally poisoned the life-giving cherry tree instead of that soul-drenching bubble tree that’s been mocking you since move-in day. Pour this on the cherry, then get back to sending that bubble tree to where it belongs.In Naraka.”
There ya have it!
All Hail Mab and Pot!