Topic

Crazy Made Up Rumors About Next Test (for entertainment use only)

Make up something up.

• They've added alarms and LoJack tracking devices to machines.
• Jumping now costs credits.
• Rube is now a playable character.
• Glitches can now have babies.
• Pigs are now ridable.
• There are now Nut Trees but nuts can only be carried in special sacks. You can guess what they are called.

Posted 19 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink

Replies

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  • • Cave-ins have been introduced to Ilmenskie Caverns. +XP bonuses to rescue parties.
    • Teleporting glitches result in items of clothing being swapped for random other bits.
    • Eggplosions.
    Posted 19 months ago by Stevie Prickles Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I actually found myself laughing out loud. Had to cover my own mouth so I didn't wake up the kiddies....LOL! Those are quite the rumors!
    Posted 19 months ago by Miss Muffett Subscriber! | Permalink
  • The Rook will eat someone, and that person will have to find their way out of it's labyrinthine innards.
    Posted 19 months ago by Tofu Casserole Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Pigs and chickens now get even.
    Posted 19 months ago by 1padme Subscriber! | Permalink
  • beach party's in alaskol... that you get paid for being at
    Posted 19 months ago by spindrift Subscriber! | Permalink
  • • If you die due to No-No Powder you no longer go to Hell. You go to Rehab have to stay at least 10 game days.
    • The game is now 3D and includes being attacked by creatures at night. It is also now called Minecraft.
    • The subway is now more realistic and includes delays for track work.
    • There is a new category in the wardrobe: Codpieces.
    Posted 19 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • LMAO at these.  LB, your last one is a gem! ;)

    Owing to the sunlight housing shortage, all players under level 15 will be given 1st refusal on the new Alakol luxury housing.
    Posted 19 months ago by ♥joby♥ Subscriber! | Permalink
  • • They've included product placement. All food items have been replaced but please try the new Green Lantern Turkey Bacon Avocado Sandwich from Subway!
    • All projects are now mandatory.
    Posted 19 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • They're deleting it all 
    Posted 19 months ago by shhexy corin Subscriber! | Permalink
  • * Jellisacs can be squished for green slime
    * Green slime can be used for 'sliming' similar to splanking
    * Alakol residences turn out to be expensive rehab facilities only available to those who have used at least 200 flaps of no-no
    * There are money trees, but no one has ever found one.
    Posted 19 months ago by Tricky Woo Subscriber! | Permalink
  • * All players must attend a daily ritual service to worship Stoot.  
    * Epic fight-to-the-death between Stoot and Notch, tickets available, event starts on 50th Fever, year 15.
    Posted 19 months ago by Hburger Subscriber! | Permalink
  • • There is now a keyboard shortcut for "That's what she said."
    Posted 19 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • * Peat bogs can suck you in when you are low in mood - you end up in hell
    * Read more than 1000 notes and your avatar gets glasses
    Posted 19 months ago by Tricky Woo Subscriber! | Permalink
  • * A profanity filter is installed that replaces all profanity with 'Stoot' - stoot damn you, you stooting stoot.
    Posted 19 months ago by Tricky Woo Subscriber! | Permalink
  • From now on Lord Bacon-o shall be the Royal Jester of Ur. Henceforth all glitchens taking things too seriously will be required to shadow him until they reach the appropriate mood level.
    Posted 19 months ago by Riverwalker Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Someone will poison a tree and someone will moan about it.....oh hold on, you wanted something made up!
    Posted 19 months ago by Bob Apple Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Hburger, "Stoot and Notch" sounds like a 1890's vaudeville comedy duo.

    Tricky Woo, I would support that filter.

    Riverwalker, no no. First, last thing I want is Glitchens who take things too seriously following me around! The horror! Second, (my name choice not withstanding) there is no monarchy in Ur. It's a constitutional anarchy.
    Posted 19 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • bad luck day - unlucky player will have bad luck for an entire glitch day - walking and jumping backward, teleport and subway rides to random locations, all text is backward, butterflies mob and try to intercept selection attempts, spirit vendors are out of stock, player can hear ravens and doesn't know if/when they may attack. gods refuse all donations except for pig plops. tools work at half speed. teeheehee.

    + for stoot filter !!!!
    Posted 19 months ago by coolbettycakes Subscriber! | Permalink
  • *The Rube goes to hell when you trade him Tree Poison
    *Focus Off actual stays off
    *Holding Alt and clicking Focus Off  automates your avatar to squeeze chickens
    *Focusing Orb creates a forcefield so no one can Plank you
    Posted 19 months ago by Gomez Addams Subscriber! | Permalink
  • The stoot filter would work for everyone except stoot himself, who'd say "Bees!" instead.
    Posted 19 months ago by glum pudding Subscriber! | Permalink
  • seriously you guys, I swear I heard somewhere that they are about to open a flowtending* spa, with accompanying iphone mini-game app!

    * all y'all GNE'rs know what I'm talkin' 'bout...
    Posted 19 months ago by katlazam Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Lady Gaga achievement: nibble 75079 pigs, and your costume disappears, permanently replaced by a meat dress.

    Mad Tea Party Housing Game: whenever someone squeezes a chicken, everyone moves one house to the left.
    Posted 19 months ago by glum pudding Subscriber! | Permalink
  • • Shrine donations are no longer tax deductible.
    • To stop the problem of people mining rocks you are mining, every Glitch will be assigned one and only one rock.
    • Glitch is now directed by Michael Bay.
    • Gllitch IS open. It's YOU who is not.
    Posted 19 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Pigs can Fly! Later,
    Posted 19 months ago by Mater Subscriber! | Permalink
  • • All global chat is now handled through Frog Delivery so expect delays.
    Posted 19 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • The fruit trees come to life after you pet them and swear at you while throwing cherries
    The wood trees turn you over their branch and splank you
    Your pet pig pets and nibbles you and you loose your mood at an alarming rate
    And, you start spilling your beans...
    Posted 19 months ago by Miss Muffett Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Glitch does not exist, it's all been a mass dream!
    Posted 19 months ago by PittyPat is sad Subscriber! | Permalink
  • • Community Gardens have been replaced with parking lots.
    • Music cubes can now only be purchased through iTunes.
    • Game now includes 33% more ghosts.
    Posted 19 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Teleportation 6 allows you to travel to the Farmville game being played by the lizards in Bureaucratic Hall.
    Teleportation 7 lets you play the secret boss round and win the game!
    Posted 19 months ago by glum pudding Subscriber! | Permalink
  • They paved paradise....
    -- Food items now have associated nutritional information.
    -- Overeating results in your glitchy self putting on weight.
    -- There are now Internet cafes where many glitchizens can be found staring at screens the way some of the bureaucrocs have been observed doing.
    -- Sitting in said cafes causes one to lose weight and require ingestion of a new line of junkfood, to which one can become addicted (similar to No-No Powder).
    Posted 19 months ago by Eleanor Rigby Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @eleanor rigby- a parking lot would be pretty cool :)
    Posted 19 months ago by greenkozi Subscriber! | Permalink
  • It's in 4D. You wear special glasses and you have to install hardware into a USB port that attaches to your screen and shoots out sprays of jellisac goop and scents of bacon every time you nibble on a pig.
    Posted 19 months ago by Cerulean Subscriber! | Permalink
  • New items: toothpick and fancy toothpick.
    Posted 19 months ago by glum pudding Subscriber! | Permalink
  • • New skill set - BT I - BT III (Beta Testery). Unlocks the new item - "Computer Open to Glitch.com"


    BT I allows player to spend all of their free time waiting for the game to open. BT II gives player ability to search the ENTIRE internet for any mention of the game opening. BT III increases mood exponentially in the 5 hours leading up to the opening. BT III then activates the "Real World" buff which requires the player to leave the computer to go to "work," "socialize," and "not play." Mood crashes. Repeat!
    Posted 19 months ago by That Kid Tyler Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Mater, I have my heart set on that one; they will be known as Pigasus.

    Live Help will be replaced with a hot key operator named Ernest.

    After mining and hoarding 501 walloping diamonds you get a crown which can only be worn by piggies.These will become the more equal piggies. They give extra meat but can only be nibbled by Level 43 or higher.

    Any player who ingests  23 Earthshakers  all at once is sent to the Alakol Colonic Clinic.
    Posted 19 months ago by caley dunn Subscriber! | Permalink
  • After drinking 13 Flaming Humbabas, you take off all your clothes and become invisible.

    Oh, wait. You just thought you were invisible.
    Posted 19 months ago by Lelu Subscriber! | Permalink
  • • The "We're currently closed" sign is now a wearable item. However, it is subscriber only.
    Posted 19 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • A new animal species, the Spotted Llama, will be discovered in Alakol (and Bortola).  When you pet a llama you gather fleece which can be used in new tradeskills to make cloth.  Whenever you pet a llama, there is a chance the llama will spit at you, causing a mood decrease, unless you have the proper Animal Kinship skill.
    Posted 19 months ago by Merek Subscriber! | Permalink
  • To go with Lord Bacon-o's keyboard shortcut for "That's what she said."  there is now also one for "...and so did her friend who was also a slut."

    I thought the "We're currently closed sign" was going to be the default wearable item for non-subscribers!

    Glitch will also become an OS for your phone.  Simply root your Android phone (sorry, iOS users, not yet for you...) and install the new ROM for Glitch-Y.  The phone will automatically have apps for Glitch, a clock (styled for Glitch), and will only call other Glitcharians.
    Posted 19 months ago by WhizGidget Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @Whizgadget: Boo, misogyny and slut shaming are not good jokes.
    Posted 19 months ago by knitmeapony Subscriber! | Permalink
  • So I think I heard about a new quest in which we must act like a rock!

    Bacon-o, may we kindly have a demonstration of how to succeed at this quest?
    Posted 19 months ago by katlazam Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Jetpacks!
    Posted 19 months ago by Shwan Subscriber! | Permalink
  • katlazam, you need to 'pick' your battles and always look for a 'gem' of truth. Look at the basic 'elements' of what is being said 'ore' you'll find yourself 'crushed.' And... um... 'moonstone.'
    Posted 19 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • knitmeapony: can you pick on Lord Bacon-o as well who inspired me because of the "that's what she said" joke (which falls under that same slut shaming and misogyny category, as far as I'm concerned)
    Posted 19 months ago by WhizGidget Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Bravo! *gets caught up in the moment and accidentally mines Bacon-o, just a little bit*

    Wasn't there also something about a quest that can only be played on a Tuesday?
    Posted 19 months ago by katlazam Subscriber! | Permalink
  • • Now, as a bonus feature, all forum threads lead to controversy. ;)
    Posted 19 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I pity those whose remarks reek of prudery
    Posted 19 months ago by napabeth Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @WhizGadget: That's what she said doesn't say anything about 'sluts'.  That's what she said implies some sexual agency on the part of the woman, and as a joke it often even hints that a woman having sex is a good and fine and excellent thing. (And to be clear, I think women having exactly as much sex as they want, be it 'none' or 'everything they can get' is a good and fine and excellent thing.)

    Your joke implies that all women who have a lot of sex are 'sluts' which is a negative, ugly word in our society.

    Apples and oranges.
    Posted 19 months ago by knitmeapony Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @napabeth: I pity those whose remarks reek of jumping to conclusions :)
    Posted 19 months ago by knitmeapony Subscriber! | Permalink
  • The Deeps in Chakra Phool is now going to be equipped with an elevator to accommodate the keyboard challenged. 
    Posted 19 months ago by Riverwalker Subscriber! | Permalink
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