Topic

When Alph Imagined Time: A Story of the Calendar (completed & available for download)

EDIT: Here is a much easier to read and proofread PDF copy downloadable via Media Fire. LINK.

[As a silly silly side project, I've been making up an 'astrological' chart for the world of Glitch. Due to the curious nature of the Glitch calendar and the placement of certain holidays, it has gotten a bit wonky and complicated. This is fine. Astrology should be a bit wonky and complicated. In my head, I began to come up with justifications for some of the choices I was making. And then it started to become a story so I started to write it down. Since it looks like we'll have a relatively long break between tests right now, seems like a good time to start posting it.]


Table of Contents:

PART ONE
PART THE SECOND
PART THE SECOND POINT FIVE
PART TRES
PART GO FORTH 
PART A FIFTH OF HOOTCH
PART FIVE SUBSET B
PART LEONARD PART SIX
PART SE7EN
PART HENRY THE EIGHTH
PART MINER FORTY-NINER
PART X, the first
PART X, the second
PART X, the last aside
PART ELEVENTY


PART ONE
in which Alph imagines something and other Giants figure out what to do with it
     Some time after the Giants imagined existence, a thought occurred to Alph. “We don’t even know how much ‘some time’ it has been since we imagined existence because we haven’t imagined ‘time’ yet! Hell, can we even have existence without time?” (Interestingly, when (if there was even a 'when' if they didn't have time) Alph thought this, ‘Hell’ had not been imagined yet. That is another story however.)     So Alph gathered together the other Giants and said, “I’m going to imagine something so that we can keep track of how long something has been and how long it will be until the next thing.”
    “What do you mean by ‘how long’?” asked Mab.
    “What do you mean by ‘has been’?” asked Spriggan.
    “What do mean by ‘until’?” asked Humbaba.
    “What do you mean by ‘something’?” asked Cosma, who was a bit slow on the uptake but still wanted to sound like she had been paying attention.
    “Look,” exclaimed Alph, “this will make more sense if I just do it, okay?”
    “What do you mean by ‘will’?” the ten Giants asked in unison.
    “Time!” yelled Alph. And then he imagined time. “Boom. There it is. Deal with it.”
    “Ooooooooo,” said all of the Giants (except Cosma who had become distracted by a slight breeze).
    Now, Alph enjoys the whole fun of creating things but rapidly gets bored with everything that comes after. So he wandered off to get on with the business of imagining, leaving time sitting there in front of the other ten Giants.
    They all looked at time and then looked at each other. This lasted awhile, in part because they weren’t sure what to do with this new thing and in part because they just enjoyed the experience of having an ‘awhile’ for the first... um... time.
    Eventually, Tii gave a small ahem. “It appears to me that time is tricky business. I’m not sure how much of it we have. It may be infinite. It might be finite. Or It might be both. Or neither. That is the nature of these sorts of things. But in the name of fairness, we should break it up into pieces so that we can share it equally.” And with that Tii cut up time in years and years into months and months into days. (Only later were days separted into hours and hours into minutes and minutes into seconds. Again, a whole other story.)
    Tii continued, “I have broken time into years so it is manageable. And I broke each year into eleven months, because there are eleven Giants. And each month I’ve broken into days because months are still too big to carry in a bag.” Pot smiled at this because bags were his idea. “I made three hundred and seven days because that is a nice prime number. Each month has a different number days since having each month with an equal amount of days would be, well, boring. So now we should just decide which of us gets which month.”
    The Giants began roll the problem round in their big giant heads. Friendly, always one to peer through murk and see to the heart of a situation, rolled the problem quicker but with more care than the others. “Tell me,” he said to Tii. “I see that one month has three days and one month has seventy-three days and all the other months have a different number days in between three and seventy-three, correct?”
    “Yes,” Tii beamed. “And all of them fine, good prime numbers.”
    “Yes, yes. Very nice,” consented Friendly. “But if we split it straight by months, some Giants will get many days and some Giants will get very few. That does not seem very fair, now does it?”
     All the Giants looked to each other, unsure of whether it was fair or not. You see, the whole idea of fairness was a very new one. In fact, not much old than time. If such things had existed yet, fairness would have been created on Twoday and time was created on the very next Hairday. But they didn’t exist, so we are talking metaphor. (Of course, ‘metaphor’ wasn’t created for another week and a half, metaphorically.) With all of this in mind, the Giants were not sure what to do.
    Finally, Friendly spoke again. “The fairest thing would be to split the days evenly. Tii, how many days would each of us get?”
    It took Tii no time at all to figure it out. “Twenty-nine point nine zero nine zero nine zero nine zero nine zero nine–”
    “Good enough,” interrupted Friendly.
    “It keeps going,” said Tii. “Quite fascinating.”
    “This may all be fascinating to some,” snapped Grendline, “but that number seems like a very difficult one to deal with. Especially for those of us who are still confused by what numbers are in the first place.”
     Friendly said, “Then we shall make it simpler. We’ll each get twenty-seven days. Alph can have the first twenty-seven since it was his idea and all. And then, in turn, we can each have twenty-seven days, until the year is all gone and we start a new one. That seems fair, yes?”
    All the Giants nodded enthusiastically as Friendly’s idea seemed to exactly fit the very idea of fairness, as well as they understood it. 
    “Who shall get the twenty-seven days after Alph?” asked Zille who rarely spoke up unless it seemed like the obvious next thing to say.
    “Oh, we have twenty-seven days to figure that out,” said Friendly with a smile. “If I understand this whole time thing, that will be plenty.”
    And with that, eight of the Giants went off to imagine new things to fill the world. Only Friendly and Tii remained. Tii raised a tentacle (which, being wrapped around his/her/its central eye, was as close to an eyebrow raise Tii could get) and said, “Your plan sounds fair except for one thing. When all is done, there will still be ten days left over. What will become of them?”
    Friendly made something with his face and mouth and eyes that may have been a knowing smirk. Perhaps it was something different. “Something tells me that, in the end, it will all sort itself out. Yes, I believe it will.”
    Tii was not sure what Friendly meant or what the look on his face meant, but nodded as that seemed like the simplest thing to do.

[to be continued]

Posted 19 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink

Replies

Previous 1 2 3 4 5
  • Wonderful!  More please!
    Posted 19 months ago by Brib Annie Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Great story, Lord Bacon-O! The asides about Cosma were highly amusing! XD

    Sorry to be a grammar Nazi though, I spotted a few typos and such: 

    "It was so time later that days were broken into hours"
    So = some?


    “Who shall get the twenty-seven days after Apha?”
    Apha = Alph?
     
    "Tii raised a handful of s/he’s many eyebrows" 
    Since Tii possesses the eyebrows, s/he should be his/her.


    Thank you for sharing your story and please do post more! :)
    Posted 19 months ago by Lush Subscriber! | Permalink
  • :)  This is great!  Love the characters!  Looking forward to the continuation...
    Posted 19 months ago by Lelu Subscriber! | Permalink
  • This is awesome...
    Posted 19 months ago by Taral Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I don't think 308 is a prime number. Is that a deliberate joke?
    Posted 19 months ago by Taral Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Taral, oops! You are correct and that is a typo (and a plot point). I meant 307. (Yes, the calendar has 308. But... well, it will be explained.)
    Correcting now.
    Also, thank you, Lush! I am bad at that (especially writing on a bit tipsy on a Saturday night). I also went to the alpha trailer and check what Tii looks like. No eyebrows! Tentacles!
    Posted 19 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Love it... when can we expect the next installement?  I hope we don't have to wait till the next long gap between tests ;-)
    Posted 19 months ago by nao Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Love it... when can we expect the next installement?  I hope we don't have to wait till the next long gap between tests ;-%
    Posted 19 months ago by nao Subscriber! | Permalink
  • What an imagination - you are so creative and talented - as a good Glitchy you are making us wait - boo hiss!!!! Please continue ................. Thank you for creating this and sharing it, I was curious and still am........merci
    Posted 19 months ago by PEKES Subscriber! | Permalink
  • This is terribly clever, Bacon! More please.
    Posted 19 months ago by Lianne Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I will try to get some more installments in the next couple of days.
    Posted 19 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • PART THE SECOND
    in which Lem plans and studies and perhaps makes a mistake
          The first twenty-seven days flew by as days are wont to do. Especially when no one is really aware of what days are in the first place. After the initial excitement wore off, most of the GIants paid days little mind. Even though the days were Alph’s, he had little use for them. And the Giants, who now had time to spare, were off imagining the things that Giants tend to imagine when left to their own devices (like imagining devices). 
          All the Giants except Lem, that is. Lem was jealous that Alph had thought up time. You see, Lem was the first one to think up space. Before he had, everything was all mish-mashy, all in one place. Or no place. Before Lem thought up space, there was no distance or height or width or thickness or way to tell the edges between things. Everything in a single point smaller than a dot smaller than a mote. A tiny speck, if you will, but even more so. And Lem was quick to realize that time was very similar in nature to space, if also extremely different. He was pretty sure that mixing space and time together would be great fun. And he wanted it for himself. 
          Which was very tricky business, what with this whole fairness thing everyone was going on about. In Lem’s ideal world, he would have imagined it first instead of Alph... and he was trying to come up with a way of making that happen. He wasn’t sure that was even possible now since, with the imagining of time, everything seemed to happen in one direction. It was like being able to only walk one way down a street and not two directions. Or like falling only down and never being able to fall up. But if anyone could figure out how to do it, Lem was pretty sure it was him. 
          First thing he had to do was get his hands on time so that he could really study it. That meant he needed to get the next twenty-seven days after Alph. And to make sure that happened, Lem needed a plan. A devious plan. The most devious plan ever planned. 

          As the twenty-seventh day was coming to an end, Lem tracked down where Alph was. ‘Where’ was Lem’s speciality so this part of the plan was easy. Making sure the other Giants were nowhere nearby was a touch more difficult. (Only a touch more since none of the other Giants really cared who got time next.) 
          As the final breath of the last day waned, Lem floated up to Alph. Alph had recently imagined noses and was trying to think up as many different noses as he could. He’d thought up twelve and was getting a bit stumped at coming up with a thirteenth. 
          “Hey, Alph,” said Lem as casually as he could. 
          “Howdy, Lem,” said Alph. “Does this one look like a good nose? I can’t even tell anymore.” 
          “I don’t know. It might look better on the side of a head.” 
          “Erumph,” grumbled Alph and set that one aside to dabble later. 
          “Sooo,” said Lem, “you remember that time thing? And days? And how each Giant would get twenty-seven of them?” 
          “Sure,” said Alph. “What of them?” 
          “Well, this is your twenty-seventh day and it will be over in just a moment and I was thinking....” 
          “You’re right! Here, you can have the next ones.” And with that the twenty-eighth day began and it was Lem’s. (Okay. The plan was not really that devious by our current standards. You have to understand, everything was new and everything is relative.) 
          Lem quickly gave his thanks and made some half mumbled excuse about having to get on with things and made his exit. Alph barely noticed, what with his attention on the pile of schnozes.  

          Lem found himself a quiet isolated spot and began to study time. He looked at it and felt it and listened to it and smelled it (noses were handy) and tasted it (tongues were not a thing yet so how Lem ‘tasted time’ is best not pictured). Lem used up two whole days just getting a sense of what it was, how it reacted, how much of it there really was. Lem understood that the more you knew before you started to really go at something, the better you’d be when really started going at it. He referred to it as “better learning.”  And he was beginning to discover that better learning took more time than one might expect. 
          At the end of Lem’s second day, Lem felt something shift. He realized that the first month was over and the second month had started. The feeling of his days slipping by filled Lem with new urgency and he buckled down harder.
           He tried stretching time. He tried putting a stitch in time. He tried sticking it in a bottle (with very little success). He put time after time in neat rows. He compared present time with past time and with future time and discovered that, yes, there was no time like the present but there was also no time like any other time so it was a pretty empty thought. 
          Another three days passed and he again had the feeling and realized that another month had gone by. “Already?!” panicked Lem. “Time keeps slipping away and I still have no idea how to make time go in any other direction! I need more time!” 
          As the Lem’s sixth day started, he shifted gears and tried to see if he could make more of time. But this wasn’t his area of expertise. He knew about the lengths of things and the measuring of things and how far one thing was from another, but making more of something was a bit beyond him. After a day and a half of trying, he realized he needed some advice from Pot. Pot was good at abundance and the like. But Lem had to be sneaky about it and not give away all his plans.  

          He found Pot taking a nap.  
          “Pot, wake up.” 
          “Wha... what? What’s going on? Where am I?”  
          “You’re here.” 
         “Oh, Lem! So good to see you. ‘Here,’ you say. Mmmm. Yes, that feels right. I just had a lovely nap. So delightful.” 
         “I’m sure it was. Look, Pot, I was wondering—” 
         “You should try one! Naps are great! Just great. Maybe the best thing ever. Although I am fond of many things, really.” 
          “Yes, yes. So you remember time? That Alph showed us? And years and months and days? And what Friendly said—” 
          “Oh yes. Not sure how I feel about that. Seems like a whole lot of something about nothing. Can I be honest with you, Lem? Friendly is super nice and all... but he kind of creeps me out. You know, what I mean? Not in a bad way! Nope. I’m not saying anything bad about good ol’ Friendly! He’s the greatest. Just, you know, a bit creepy. Maybe if I showed him naps....” 
          “Pot!” snapped Lem before getting a grip on himself. “I was wondering if you knew of a way to make more time from a little time. Like make many days from just a few.” 
         “Mmmmm. Interesting question. I’m sure it could be done. Why, just the other day, Zille and I figured out how to make a mountain out of a mole hill. Now we just need Humbaba to make some moles.” 
          “Great! How do I do it?” 
          “Mmmmm. I’m not sure right now. I would have to think about it. And I’d have to really get a look at some time.” 
          Lem beamed. “I just happen to have time right now. Here. Take it. Take a look.” And with that Lem handed time to Pot.  
          Pot held time for bit, seemingly lost in thought and concentration. (In reality, Pot was thinking that he was feeling a bit hungry and how he could really go for a some flummery and maybe a too-berry shake or two.) Lem stood there expectantly, nervously rubbing together his dangly bits (don’t ask). 
          Eventually Pot looked up. “Lem! You’re still here. You may as well go for a walk or something. This may take a while. Don’t worry. I’ll figure it out. As soon as I do, I’ll give you a shout.” 
          Lem reluctantly moved off, with a nagging suspicion that he’d made a grave mistake.
          Pot put time down and stretched. “Alright. Let’s get down to business!” He picked time back up and then immediately put it back down. “But first, I think I’ll take another nap. No need to rush. I have all the time in the world.” And he quickly went back to sleep. 

    [to be continued]
    Posted 19 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Gonna follow in Lush's footsteps ;)

    'as days are want to do'
    'as days are wont to do'


    I was grinning the whole time I read, though, excellent work :)
    Posted 19 months ago by Cupcake Subscriber! | Permalink
  • PART THE SECOND POINT FIVE
    in which we take an aside
        This seems like a good point in the story to make something very clear: I have no idea how true this story is. 'Truth' tends to be slippery and wet and squishy at the best of times and when discussing Giants and the early days of things (things like days) it can be especially slippery wet and squishy.
        I heard this story from another Glitch one night in hell. It was after a long binge of no-no power and cosma-politans. The Glitch in question told me she knew the secrets of Ur astrology and told me this story in trade for a dozen emblems, a bag of loam, three wood tree beans and broken frying pan. I suspect she wasn't entirely of right mind and may have been huffing tree poison.
        She claimed she heard it from another Glitch who'd heard it from a street spirit who'd heard it directly from either Cosma or Friendly.
        Either way, this is the story she told me as we squashed hellish grapes. Just before midnight she finished her tale, handed me a stack of notes on how to make astrology charts and squashed her last grape. Weeks later I ran into her in Community Gardens where she was attempting to plant a piglet and she denied every having met me.
        Even if it is 'true,' we are dealing with the workings of Giants so it is probably all metaphorical. Sometimes metaphorical truth is much truer than solid fact truth. And sometimes a whole lot less.
        So take all of this with a pinch of salt. Or allspice if you are the type who waits to grinds spices when needed for a recipe.

    [to be continued with the actual story]
    Posted 19 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I love your narration! This story is great. Moar moar moar
    Posted 19 months ago by Yaoya Subscriber! | Permalink
  • This is so very brilliant! Thank you.
    Posted 19 months ago by Lianne Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I am starting to realize I have had a bad time with time, I hope the gods finally figure it out. 

    What a wonderful story and looking forward to next chapter, sure hope it isn't based on Glitch time for openings.  LOL

    Thank you Lord Bacon-o for keeping me entertained while the game lingers in space.  :)

    xoxJulie
    Posted 19 months ago by xoxJulie Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Completely awesome.
    Posted 19 months ago by Folderol Subscriber! | Permalink
  • “What do you mean by ‘something’?” asked Cosma who was a bit slow on the uptake but still wanted to sound like she had been paying attention."

     “Ooooooooo,” said all of the Giants (except Cosma who had become distracted by a slight breeze)."

    Oh dear!!  Looks like I am affiliated with Cosma!!!
    Posted 19 months ago by Pirate Apples Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Lord Bacon-o, I love this. Also, I now like Pot very much. I never had before, but bags AND naps? Pot has the market on awesome things.
    Posted 19 months ago by Incarnadine Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Can we just go ahead and vote this in as pseudo/canon/official backstory? I am loving this.
    Posted 19 months ago by That Kid Tyler Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Wonderful story Lord Bacon-o! Can't wait for more.
    Posted 19 months ago by Piece of Serenity Subscriber! | Permalink
  • PART TRES
    in which not a lot happens excepting setting the stage for some stuff later on
         In those heady early days, there was much to do and much to be imagined. And (this is important) unimagined. When every new idea comes into being, it is pretty much guaranteed some of those ideas would be mistakes. For example, the Gum Tree. Or, even worse, the Gun Tree. In any case, the Giants were busy. They didn’t really realize they were busy. They were just doing what they did. 
         While he waited for word from Pot, Lem did what he did: He wandered Ur. He traveled its surfaces and its belows and its aboves. He passed amongst its woods and through its caverns and across its deserts. Up to the top of its mountains and down to the bottom of its seas. He walked to the very edges of Ur and then walked over into the non-space beyond. In this way he defined where things began and where they ended and the distance between them. He thought up new ways to move from one place to another. Walking was simple. He added jumping, floating, falling, sliding, ghuffthing, sauntering, following, wampling, rolling and kerziquillicking to just name a few. (As stated, some things were mistakes.) It was a productive, perhaps overly productive, period for Lem.
         Lem was also trying to have something that he’d never had to have before: patience. As each day passed, waiting for Pot became more and more difficult. He tried to fill the anxious moments with attemping to imagine a way of making it so that he could imagine time first. But without time to study, and enough time at that, he didn’t even know where to start. So all he could do was wait for Pot to find an answer.
         Of course, Pot discovered something about time right away: that you can put off something today and plan on doing it tomorrow. And the great thing about tomorrows is that there is always another one coming up. It would be unfair to call Pot lazy. He certainly did stuff. It was just not necessarily what he was supposed to be doing. ‘Supposed to’ is a bit of a stretch. ‘Promised to’? No. Perhaps ‘Mentioned that he would.’ Sure. Let’s go with that. And this is not to say that in the following days Pot never looked into the issue. He would pull out time and bounce it around, causally thinking about what Lem had asked. However, every time he did, he came to same conclusion that, even if time was fleeting, it was also abundant. And very flexible. At times he would get lost in thought and realize that days had passed without him noticing. Other times, like if he was watching a sapling grow, it would crawl along at an almost imperceptible pace. Time and time again, Pot would set time aside and move on to something else. 

         Lem’s patience eventually grew very thin, as thin as paper that grew slowly on trees. He made a quick calculation and realized that Pot had possessd time for almost twenty-seven full days. So Lem tracked Pot down to the what would one day be Marylpole Mount. Pot had gathered a few dozens of Humbaba’s piggies who were milling around, chatting to each other.
         “Lem! So good to see you,” Pot cheered. “You must see this. I’m not sure if it will work. But I was playing around with Zille’s rocks and such. Crushed them into almost nothings and put the nothings back together into slightly larger nothings and then mixed some of those together. And something pretty amazing came about!”
         “Sure, Pot. But I was—”
         “Just a moment. You know how I love lots of things. I mean, I like lots, not that I like many different things. I mean, I do. Things are fine. As are different things. But I quite enjoy the mass of a one thing.”
         “Yes. I know,” sighed Lem with exasperation. “That is why I gave you time. It’s been almost twenty-seven—”
         “Now watch this!” yelled Pot as he shook a jar of pink powder into the air. The powder caught in a bit of the wind a spread across what was not yet Marylpole Mount, and then slowly drifted amongst the piggies. The pink dust whiffed up into their tiny huffing snouts. In unison, the plethora of porcine eyes blinked once and then twice. And then chunks of meat sprung from their backs. Piles and piles of meat. Meat upon meat upon meat. A fountain of pork. So much meat that it appeared that time started to move in fits and jumps. So much meat that the world itself could not keep up and it was lagging behind, struggling to catch up.
         The piggies seemed not to mind in the slightest. In fact, they all at once said, "Oooooooooooo," and then went right back to chatting about the mild weather they were having. 
         Pot and Lem stood silently for a few moments, gazing at the sea of flesh.
         Pot finally spoke. “Well, that was interesting. Don’t know of I’ll do that again.”
         “For a moment there, it seemed like you almost broke the world,” whispered Lem.
         “Mmmmmm. Yes. Yes, it did. So, what were you after?”
         “Time!” exclaimed Lem. “I gave you time and you were going to figure out have to make more of it. Just like you did there with the meat. Would that powder work on days?”
         Pot shook his head. “Oh no. If there is one thing I’ve figured out, it is that piggies are not time. And meat are not days. Or visa versa. Or versa visa, I am pretty sure.”
         “Maybe a different powder?”
         “Perhaps, but I doubt it. I may be wrong, but time is, well, different from most other things.”
         “How? How is it different?” demanded Lem.
         “Oh, I don’t know. Just, um, different.”
         “Did you learn nothing in twenty-seven days?”
         “Well, I did make some observations. As far as I see it, there is plenty of time. So much time that most of it just goes to waste. Only way I can see that you can make more of it is to carefully use the time you already have.”
         “But I don’t have any time!” snapped Lem. “You have it!”
         “No need to get upset,” said Pot, a bit taken aback by Lem’s tone. “Here. Have it back. As you said, I’ve had my twenty-seven days.” He looked back at the red stacks surrounding them and licked his lips. “No need to be greedy.”
         Lem grabbed time from Pot and ran off. 

         He needed to think. He was getting nowhere and needed a new plan. And, most importantly, he need to not let time get away from him again. 
         “I’ll hide it,” he thought. “I’ll hide it somewhere, just until I can think of what to try next. Somewhere unseen.” He moved onto the craggy cliffs to the north, searching for a crevice to stuff time into. Or perhaps a rock to put it under. Finally he came upon a small dry patch of dirt. He quickly dug the patch up, shoved time into the hole and covered it back up. “There. It is nice and safe.” Lem took a moment to make absolutely sure he would remember the location of the patch (not a problem for Lem) and then went to do some serious thinking (something that seemed to be quite a problem). 

         About a day later, Spriggan was making her way across Ur, tending to trees and trying out some new things. She was some what pleased with her new tree. A good type of tree. But the problem was that if you touched it at all, you became covered with sticky gum. And if you tried to remove the gum, whatever you tried to remove it with became stuck to you. And if you tried to remove those things with something else... well, you get the idea. (And also a glimpse at just some of the problems with Gum Trees.) Spriggan had finally just removed the last sticky batterfly from her face when she came upon the little dry patch.
         “Oh! I do dislike seeing an empty patch,” said Spriggan to the batterfly who really couldn’t care less about what Spriggan liked or didn’t like at this point. Spriggan sprinkled the patch with water and then began to turn the dry dirt around to get it nice an wet. “Erm. What is this?”
         The batterfly just sneered with contempt.
         Spriggan reached into the earth and pulled out time. She brushed off the dirt and mud. “It’s that time thing, I believe. Now who would be so careless to try to plant time? Ridiculous. Since no one seems to desire it right now, this seems good as time as any to have my twenty-seven days.” 

         Later, when Lem returned to check on time (although he had yet to think of a new idea to try), he found not the little dry patch but a gooey sticky Gum Tree. 
         “My patch!” Lem yelled. “Who planted in my patch? That was my patch and I needed it! Who would be so inconsiderate to just come along and plant a tree in my patch?” Lem stomped around the cliffs, yelling at no one.
         Once he had calmed down, he began a careful search. It took him a few days to discovered that Spriggan now had time. Lem thought about demanding Spriggan give it back but then thought better of it. “So far I have used nine of my twenty-seven days and have gotten no further than I started. I might as well not waste the days I have left. I’ll just keep an eye on who has it at any given moment and make sure they aren’t going to try something tricky.”
         (Lem was had rapidly learned on of the first rules of being devious: as soon as you start thinking up devious thoughts yourself, you realize how easy it would be for others to have devious thoughts. And then you suspect them of devious thoughts. And from there it is just a short skip and a jump to having devious thoughts to counter the suspected devious thoughts of others. Lem may not have learned how to increase time but he was definitely learning how to increase his personal stash of paranoia.)

    [to be continued]
    Posted 19 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • (An aside: I have no idea what sex Spriggan is. Or Alph. So I just guessed. If any dev (or anyone) could give me an answer, I will correct it if needed.)
    Posted 19 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • This is brill, but I love the piggies' reaction to the extreme fecundity powder the best.
    Posted 19 months ago by Lianne Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Pot, the inventor of lag. :)
    Posted 19 months ago by Lelu Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I'm absolutely loving this story, puns and all. :D :D :D
    Posted 19 months ago by Taral Subscriber! | Permalink
  • What? Me? Puns? NEVER!

    Honestly, I think my favorite part to write was the freak out over the patch. 
    Posted 19 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • [note: part of this part got just a bit serious. the tone took a change i, as the writer, wasn't really expecting. just a heads up. i tend to deal with it and not treat it lightly. and hopefully it won't over take the light, playful tone i've been going for. but, well, sometimes characters act in ways you don't expect. just a heads up.]

    PART GO FORTH 
    in which time is passed along and Lem comes up with a big plan that, yet again, goes poorly
         More days moved on. Spriggan used time wisely, carefully marking the growth of the trees. Near the end of her days, a month ended and a new one began. Spriggan had just happened to be discussing the importance of water with Grendaline on her twenty-seventh day and so passed time to her.
         Meanwhile, Lem bided his time even if he did not have it at the moment. He had watched Spriggan from afar, trying to gleam anything he could. She tended time like she did her trees, never rushed, never seemingly concerned about how much she used or how little she had left. She just paid attention to the time that was right now, right in front of her. She treated it like a gift or, one might say, a present.
         Grendaline, on the other hand, seemed to just toy with time. She let it run through her fingers like water. Or pool around her like, well, water. And, perhaps most shocking, she drank of if. Just cupped time up and put it to her lips. She savored it. 

         All of this was incredibly interesting to Lem, but he was unsure if it was at all helpful. The more he secretly watched, the more anxious he got. Let me see if I can explain how he felt. Have you ever been really excited to participate in something but know that you can’t? Like there was a place you’d like to go and you spend your days constantly checking that place but every time you do you are met with a sign that says “We’re currently closed”? And you knew that the sign would say that but you keep checking anyway? No? Never felt that way? Well, anyway, Lem felt like that.
         Lem also knew he needed to find a way of turning time’s flow but was still at a loss. So his mind would keep coming back not to the problem of what to do with time once he got it again, but to how to make sure he could get it  instead of someone else. The more he watched others with time, the more he suspected that they wanted to keep it all to themselves.
         The real problem was that he wanted time and not have to worry about anyone else taking it from him again. (Never mind that no one had ever taken it from him. He had handed it to Pot, and Spriggan had just found where he’d hid it unattended.) If the next time he had time, he could make sure all of the other Giants were occupied for while. Or if they were just....
         And then he remember some things he’d learned from Pot. Not in relation to time. Other things. A plan began to form. But he’d need get some stuff first. 

         Days wore on. Another month passed and more days flowed by. After her twenty-seven days, Grendaline passed time to Cosma.
         Now Cosma was, well, Cosma. The word often used to describe her is flighty and that just about nails it. With her in possession of time, the days began to fly by. And she kept misplacing them. All over Ur, Giants would come across days just left lying around. If they weren’t all used up, the Giants would return them to Cosma when they saw her next. Most of the Giants didn’t give it much thought.
         Lem, however, became more and more concerned. What if Cosma completely lost time? What if she took it into the sky and left it somewhere and it blew away in the wind? What would happen then?      He tried to stay focused. He tracked down Pot and stole a nap from him. (Pot would have just shared a nap with him if Lem had asked.) Lem got some of Zille’s rocks and crushed them up into dust and put them back together and made some powder, but powder unlike the pink powder Pot had showed him. As Cosma’s days waned, Lem was pretty sure his plan was ready.

         Lem found Cosma high above Ur, spinning and looping in the strong winds.
         “Lem!" delighted Cosma. "Come and dance with me!”
         “I have no time now,” answered Lem, “but if you give it to me, perhaps then I will.”
         “What? Time? Oh, right! Sure. Let me think... where did I put it?” Cosma began searching around her, found a high flying butterfly and immediately chased after it, seemingly to totally forget about Lem.
         Lem flew after her. “Cosma! I need time! Now!”
         “Butterfly!” yelled Cosma with glee as she swooped in spiraling loops.
         “Time! Where is time?” Lem shouted after her. He was starting to feel himself fill with anger.
         “Butterfly! Butterfly! Butterfly!”
         Lem’s frustration grew too great and he decided that patience was greatly overrated. As was fairness. He pulled out the powder he had mixed with concentrated ground up nap. He flew up to Cosma and grabbed her.
         “Give me time!”
         Cosma was suddenly frightened for the first time she could remember. (Which, to be honest, isn’t saying anything since she rarely remembered what she’d had for breakfast or even what ‘breakfast’ was.) 
         “I...I just had...had it. But I can’t....” stammered Cosma.
         “Give. Me. The. Time!” demanded Lem, rage in his many eyes. He tightened his grip on her.
         “Here! It’s here!” said Cosma as she suddenly remembered that she’d had it the whole time. She pulled it from the air and held it out to Lem. “Take it! Please! Just... stop.”
         Lem realized that things were getting out of hand and was beginning to realize that he didn’t like the Giant he was becoming. “It’s okay,” he tried to justify to himself. “If this works, I will have time all to myself. And once I can make it go backward, I can make sure this never happens. Or will never happen. Or will never have had happens.” Just as he took time from Cosma, he shook out the powder into the sky. 

         Here is what Lem’s plan was: The powder would cover Ur, from one corner to the other, picked up in the winds.
         That much happened.
         It would travel to each and every Giant. And each and every Giant would fall into a blissful nap. With all the Giants sleeping, he would have time without having to worry about the other Giants.
         Of course, there were a few flaws in Lem's plan.
         One small flaw and one pretty big flaw.
         The small flaw was that the powder he’d mixed up caused everyone to sneeze. Including himself. Cosma sneezed, sending her soaring backwards through the sky. Lem tried to hold it in but the tickling in his face grew too great. The sneeze sent him flying in the opposire direction, and, more importantly to Lem, it knocked time from his grip. He watched in dismay as time fell down through the clouds. 
         If one were paying attention, one could hear all of Ur sneeze all at once.
         The bigger flaw was more problematic.
         “Each and every Giant” also included Lem.
         Cosma was used to being in the air all the time, so as she slipped into sleep she just floated. Lem, however, spent most his time firmly on the ground. And as he felt his numerous eyes drifting shut, he realized that as soon as he wasn’t thinking of flying, he was going to fall. And fall far.
         The last thing he thought as sleep draped over him was, “I’m an idiot. A big giant idiot.”  

    [to be continued]
    Posted 19 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • PART A FIFTH OF HOOTCH
    in which Giants sleep, a piggy eats, and Friendly gives friendly advice 
         For five days Ur slept. And Ur dreamed. 

         There are many theories to why months were named what they are. Some are obvious. Primuary, for example. The reasons behind other names have been lost (aas far as we know). Now, I can’t say the reason the fifth month is called Fever is due to the worldwide fit of sneezing. I wasn’t there. Or why sometimes the five days in the middle of Fever are called Dream. Or short handed to Fever Dream. This is just what I was told.
         The Giants and the world slept and dreamed, and the dreams filtered back out into the world. Alph dreamed that the world would be asleep for keeps (or AFK). Zille dreamed of moon beams crystalized into stone. Tii dreamed that the value of a thing at any given moment could be expressed in numbers and these numbers could be given form. Grendaline dreamed of tiny cone shaped oceans that could be carried in one’s pocket but were otherwise useless. Mab dreamed of a radish that became a turnip and then became a parsnip but she didn’t dream that parsnips had seeds. Pot dreamed he poked very very stinky cheese and made a discovery. Humbaba dreamed she squeezed a chicken. (She actually dreamed she did more than squeeze but let’s not go there.) Spriggan dreamed the first gas tree. (When he fell asleep, he had just finished eating a grove’s worth of beans.) Friendly dreamed of things to come that he never spoke of. 
         Cosma had fitful dreams at first, but her bright nature led her to dream calming thoughts that radiated out to others, bringing them peace.
         And Lem? Lem dreamed of things lost, of things destroyed by fear and desire. He dreamed of anger and guilt. He dreamed of falling forever into darkness. And he dreamed of the distant beating of shadowy wings. (Some dreams come from within and go out. Others come from without and seep in.)
         He also dreamed the first subway. But he only dreamed one stop so it was pretty pointless.

         And for five days, no Giants had time.

         The Giants were not the first to wake. In fact, they were the last. Perhaps due to the size of their being, they took in more of the nap powder. When they did finally wake, they found the world moving along without them. A well imagined world doesn't need to be watched over. They shook off the vestiges of sleep and went on with their business. Some were curious as to what that had all been about, but sometimes things just happened without much of a reason and it was better to just get on with life than to dwell.
         Cosma woke a bit confused as to what had taken place. Her memory was hazy. She knew she felt an edge of lingering fear but couldn’t remember why. She stayed in the sky for a while and it was a week before the air did not contain a chilly bite. And it was a long time before she felt comfortable around Lem. That is another tale.
         Lem woke and immediately panicked. He searched and searched the land for time, but even he could not find it. Because of him, time appeared lost forever. After days of searching, he finally gave up. Cloaked in despair and shame, he traveled far beyond the edges of Ur to be alone.

         It was odd that he could not find it. He was Lem after all and wheres were his thing. But to explain why, we need to jump back to shortly before the Giants woke. We turn away from Giants to one lone piggy, foraging in the forest.
         “That was one heck of a sleep,” the piggy said to the trees. “I could use a good petting. And a meal. Man, oh man. I could use a meal.” And with that the piggy ate a bit of grain it found. And a random cherry just lying there. And then he ate something he didn’t recognize and didn’t particularly enjoy but beggars can’t be choosers.
         A little later, the piggy came upon Humbaba, still fast asleep. “Oh! My favorite of all Giants!” the piggy exclaimed. And in his excitement, well, he plopped. “Oops! How embarrassing. Glad no one saw that.” The piggy scurried off.
         The sharp smell woke Humbaba. She yawned and stretched and looked around. “Oh, plop!” This was a normal thing to find but it wasn’t quite a normal plop. The smell was off and the color not right. Humbaba picked it up and smelled it and tasted it and finally examined it.
         “My oh my, little piggy. What have you been eating?” What she found was not the seeds she expected but time. She brushed off the remains of brown swine feces. “Seems like this is my time. Or at least these days are mine.”
         (If you are curious, swallowing and digesting time does change a person. Or at least it changes a pig. He went on the lead an extraordinary life, full of adventure and glory and romance. But, you guessed it, that is another story.)

         It was Friendly who found Lem far beyond the edge of everything.
         “Hello, Lem,” he said. “I haven’t seen you for a while.”
         “I want to be alone.”
         “Ah. Yes. Alone. Is that why you are so far away from everything?”
         “Yes. Please let me be.”
         “I can do that. Actually, I can’t do anything but that. You are. That is a fact. I couldn’t let you not be. But I can't let you be alone because you aren’t. Even out here. We’re always with you. You are never really alone. Someday that will sound cliché but not yet.”
         Lem and Friendly just were in the nothing beyond everything. They existed in the silence, only interrupted by the occasional heavy sigh from Lem and the occassional flapping of Friendly’s wing ears.
         Lem finally spoke again. “Friendly, I think I messed up big.”
         “Probably. It is bound to happen to all of us.”
         “I feel very lost. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to make things right.”
         “That is a hard one, that’s for sure. Sometimes you can’t make things right. Sometimes things go wrong and we lose sight of what is what.”
         “Yeah. It just seems all so murky.”
         Friendly smiled. “Oh yes. That I understand. No one can see the future.”
          There was something in the way Friendly spoke those last words that made Lem turn to him and look closely. But Friendly was the Giant who had first imagined the word ‘unfathomable.'
         “All I know,” Friendly continued, “is that if you resolve to remain in one place, you’ll remain lost. The only way to not become lost, even if you don’t know the way, is to take one step after the other.”
         Lem began to cry. “But I hurt...” And then he stopped, unable to say the words and changed what he was going to say. “I think I lost time.”
         “Time? Oh, that. Humbaba has it. In fact, she’s had it for twenty-six days now. You should go ask her for it.”
         Lem brightened up. He was still filled with doubt at the future and the past, but  the fact that there was still time, gave him a silver of hope. He wasn’t sure what he’d do with time now, but he knew he’d figure out something. Something good, he was sure. 

    [to be continued]
    Posted 19 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I am really enjoying reading the Giant's History, thank you so much :)

    I thought Great Story Telling was a lost art but I was wrong.  
    Posted 19 months ago by xoxJulie Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Me too. :). I really enjoy this story and I'm looking forward to hearing more about Lem and all the giants.
    Posted 19 months ago by Lelu Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Thank you. It has been fun to write. 

    I would call it "A Giants Myth" and not the history. (No surprise but I am a Neil Gaiman fan, especially Sandman).

    The story will be on a few days hiatus. I have a one act I NEED to finish in the next two days and I've been avoiding putting my nose to the grind stone. 
    Posted 19 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Part 6 should be posted sometime tomorrow.
    Posted 18 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Is it posted yet? *reload* *reload* *reload*
    Posted 18 months ago by Taral Subscriber! | Permalink
  • tomorrow, my time, taral. say in 12 to 13 hours. i appreciate the enthusiasm.
    Posted 18 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • i has bedtime story! thank you, thank you!
    Posted 18 months ago by coolbettycakes Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Will I ever get to meet a giant when Glitch is open?  

    I keep hoping and looking.  

    I donate to every shrine, but the shrines are not enough.

    Will the Giants ever walk among us?
    Posted 18 months ago by xoxJulie Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Oh My.
    I have resisted reading this because, in general, I detest fan fiction. But this isn't that. And If it is, I refuse to acknowledge it as such.
    It's Myth. It's an Epic.
    It's an epic myth of Glitchian proportions.
    Thank  you Lord Bacon. (Can I call you Fran?)
    Posted 18 months ago by caley dunn Subscriber! | Permalink
  • (Sorry I didn't get to it today. Tomorrow, I promise.)

    Thank you, caley. That is very flattering. I too hate fan-fiction. But I do enjoy a good myth. Especially origin myths. And all of Glitch is sort of an origin myth you are placed in the middle of.

    (You can call me Fran, although I'm not sure why. Just don't call me Shirley.)
    Posted 18 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Awesome! Can't wait to read the next chapter.
    Posted 18 months ago by DiggityDad Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I've just now gotten around to reading this, and all I can say is "wow!" Fantastic job. I'll look forward to the next part, whenever it comes
    Posted 18 months ago by Essie Kitten Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Lord Bacon-o, please, please write more!!!
    love it
    Posted 18 months ago by feifei Subscriber! | Permalink
  • PART FIVE SUBSET B
    in which we take another aside
         I must apologize for being so tardy in continuing the story. But things come up... or down as it were.
         You see, I've been trapped in the Deeps. Small cave in, nothing to worry about. But it was just me, a batterfly, a yoga frog and a dullite rock. Let me tell you, not fun. My clothes all smell of guano and there is only so many times you can do the Downward Facing Frog position before you cross from meditative calm to batsh*t bonkers. (See what I did there?) And have you ever tried to have a long conversation with dullite? It was named that for a reason.
         Why not teleport out, you ask? Well, it wasn't working. Not sure why. All I had to eat was a few respawning planks so it was hard to get up the energy and vim. Also, I think Lem may be miffed at me telling this tale. Maybe because it’s all true. Or maybe because it’s all lies. Or maybe something in between. Who knows the minds of Giants?
         Anywhozits, I'm out of the caves now. Turns out, the frog could fly out anytime he wanted to but was enjoying taking a break from work. So I auctioned myself. Spent a few days in a mailbox before someone final let me out. So this particular story of the calendar and time and whatnot will continue 'real soon.' 
         And I do realize that you may have heard things from trees and pigs and patches that contradict what has been written here. Again, I claim not that anything in this story actually happened. Don't shoot the messenger. (Unless it is that darn frog I was trapped with. I mean, seriously? A week and then you tell me you could leave at anytime. What a jerk.)

    [to be continued]
    Posted 18 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Hmmm, that's funny Lord Bacon-o, I'm sure I saw you a few times running around Heights or Meadows or somewhere.  Perhaps Lem imagined a pretend you so no one would know you were trapped in that cave? :) Loving your story!
    Posted 18 months ago by Bree Subscriber! | Permalink
  • PART LEONARD PART SIX
    in which Lem returns to Ur and eggs are discussed
         When Lem got back to Ur, he found Humbaba squeezing some chickens.
         “Oh! Wait,” exclaimed Lem with more than just a little embarrassment. “I’m sorry. I see you are obviously... um... busy.”
         “What? No no. Please, Lem! Join me!” Humbaba held up the chicken in her grasp and thrust it towards Lem. The chicken squawked and coughed up some grain.
         “No, um, really. It’s okay,” said Lem backing slowly away. “I’ll come back when you are not, well, occupied with, um, whatever it is that you are doing. What are you doing?”
         Humbaba looked the chicken in the face. “I’m trying to get an egg out of this thing.”
         “An egg? What’s that?”
         “An idea I had. You know how everything comes from our imaginations? Well, I thought, what if animals could imagine and make themselves.”
         “Animals aren’t Giants,” Lem said skeptically. “They can’t imagine.”
         “Oh, that is where you are wrong, Lem. They can! But it works a bit differently for them. It’s... complicated, I think. I bet if all us Giants really put our minds to it, we could come up with an animal... or something like an animal... that could imagine stuff we never could.”
         “That sounds messy. Glitchy, even.”
         “Maybe. But in a good way, I think.”      “You were talking about eggs?”
         “Yes. Eggs,” Humbaba said. “Many days ago, I fell into a long sleep and dreamt that an animal could imagine itself. Because animals are small, the imagining would have to be a smaller version of itself. And weak at first. To protect it... and make it easy to carry... animals do squirm so... this tiny imagining would come it a lopsided sphere.”
         “Why lopsided?”
         “Why not?”
         “Well, spheres are pretty perfect in form. All circular and uniform?”
         “Why is uniform perfect? Different can be very good.”
         “But with a circle you know what you get every time because the are all the same.”
         “But what if all circles were not the same?”
         “But they are the same.”
         “Look,” huffed Humbaba. “Your circular reasoning is getting us nowhere. I dreamt lopsided so eggs are lopsided.”
         “Okay, okay. But that doesn’t explain what you are doing.”
         “Well, I dreamt eggs grew inside chickens.”
         “What?”
         “Just what I said.”
         Lem raised three eyebrows. “Inside chickens? Like plop inside pigs? That’s weird.”
         “What is weird,” said Humbaba giving the chicken a firm squeeze, “is that I can’t find eggs inside any of them!”
         “Well,” said Lem, “perhaps you, um, need help. Animals and the like are not my thing, but maybe one of the other Giants. Spriggan is good at figuring stuff out. You should talk to her.”
         “That, Lem,” smiled Humbaba, “is a very good idea. Thank you.”
         Lem blushed a bit, not out of humility but from shame for all the bad ideas he’d had recently.
         “Is there anything I can help you with?” ask Humbaba toss the chicken over her shoulder.
         “Well, yes, in fact. Friendly said you had the time.”
         “Oh, I do,” Humbaba said passing time to Lem. “All done with it. Enjoy.”
         Lem took time gingerly and held it close. And then stopped and sniffed.
         “Humbaba?”
         “Yes?”
         “Why does it smell like...”
         “Plop. Smells like plop.”
         “Yes. Why?”
         “Oh, you know. Sometimes plop happens.”

    [to be continued]
    Posted 18 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Bree, what?! There is another me?!

    Potentially, it was my evil twin. Or my good twin. I forget which one I am.
    Posted 18 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • This is brilliant!  I can't wait for the next part!
    Posted 18 months ago by WhizGidget Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Bravo, sir!!!

    ::applauds::

    I especially like, "Have you ever been really excited to participate in something but know that you can’t? Like there was a place you’d like to go and you spend your days constantly checking that place but every time you do you are met with a sign that says “We’re currently closed”? And you knew that the sign would say that but you keep checking anyway? No? Never felt that way? Well, anyway, Lem felt like that. "
    Posted 18 months ago by jasbo Subscriber! | Permalink
  • OMG...Fanbloodytastic LB! :)

    I have read this all in one go, even though I really should have been doing other things!  I think I was possibly dreamed up by Pot in that way!

    I was just saying to someone the other day, that I don't often read books now, simply because a story really has to grab me and then I just don't put it down until I've finished it!

    Well, I am hooked and actually very grateful that this is in instalments, or I would never get anything done for at least the whole of Doom and Widdershins!

    You rock LB, can't wait for the next - have b/m this thread;)
    Posted 18 months ago by ♥joby♥ Subscriber! | Permalink
Previous 1 2 3 4 5