Ladies and Gentlemen!
I present to you an all new way to gambl… er… win a cubimal! With good (read: somewhat exclusive) odds and for only a sixth-ish of the cost, you could win the cubimal of your dreams!*
Introducing Lott O'Cubimals!
Here's how it works:
Each Wednesday at 12PM CST (that's Texas time to some, Chicago time to others) there will be 12 rounds of lotto madness based on the 12 sides of that crazy blue, giant-patronizing dice. Each round offers a 1:12 chance of scoring that cute little windup your collection has been dying for. Tickets are sold (via auction) per round, per giant and one ticket overall to any one player (no stacking, I'm afraid). "But there's only 11 giants," you say? Luckily (for the House), there's that dastardly Rook side. Should The Rook get rolled, no one, unfortunately, wins that round and the prizes go to The Rook's Nest (dun-dun-duuuuun).
Learn the answers to all your wonderful (and fundamental) questions about the lottery in the Lott O'Cubimals FAQ. Keep reading for a bit of a dive into the world of cubimals contestry! Can't wait? Go buy your ticket before it's to late!
The rounds are in alphabetical order via the giants' names. Thus, Round 1 is Alph's Roll. Round 2 is Cosma's Roll. And so on. Round 12 concludes with the Rook's Roll. Each ticket is named for each of the 11 giants and includes the Round it is for.
For example:
Alph :: Alph's Roll
Cosma :: Alph's Roll
…
Zille :: Alph's Roll
And thus concludes Round 1's available tickets.
But wait, there's more! What if you bought the Lem ticket for Lem's Roll and won! That's a pretty astounding coincidence. Quite the stellar fortune you got there. Take me to Vegas with you, ya? Well sir (or ma'am) that there win is DOUBLE PRIZES!
OMG!
TWO CUBIMALS!
ORLY?!
YESRLY!!!
You've won both Showcases. Solved the puzzle without buying a vowel. Paid 750₡ for TWO cubimals! "Two cubimals? That's it? What kind of cheap lottery is this?" My, my; you folks sure do ask a lot. It's a rare roll, to be sure, and it deserves respect—so we demand it! Take your 750₡ back, too! "Blasphemy! This is madness!" Madness, you say? This. Is. GLITCH-AAAAAAA! Good job, you lucky … ahem …
So, what of Round 12? Well, the Rook has a stake in this as well. All the tickets have an 8-digit alphanumeric code that must be presented by the purchaser in order to receive winnings, thus one must be present to win. Failure for the winning ticket to show itself before the next round starts (within 5 minutes), moves that round's prizes to the Rook's Nest. This will likely be a rare occurrence as, surely, everyone will be frothing at the bit waiting to cash in their winning ticket for their colorful toy (and yes, I called you Shirley). This round is the only round that offers a 12th ticket. The Rook :: Rook's Roll. This ticket has some pretty special properties and it comes at a rather reasonable price of only 1,500₡. "SWINDLER!!!!" Now, now… let this humble snake oi… er… Lottery MC explain himself. If the Rook is rolled on this 12th round, you get a fair prize package (at least, we think so):
• Two Cubimals
• Two MORE Cubimals (GREAT GOOGLEY-MOOGLEY!)
• Ticket price refunded
• Entry for any one ticket (save The Rook :: Rook's Roll and the hidden ticket—what?!) of your choosing for the next week's lottery
Now to add a little spice to the pot, each week will have a free ticket hidden somewhere in this wonderfully imagined world. You'll have a couple of days to track this ticket down, but if you do, well, that's 750₡ still in your wallet. Oh, and of course, if you win with the ticket, you get your money "back". HOW CAN I SUSTAIN THIS BUSINESS MODEL!??!? As the week progresses to the upcoming lottery, we'll drop hints (say… every 2 days or so) getting people closer and closer to finding this secreted note. Once found, the finder must mail the note back to the Lott O'Caller (that's me) to claim it (and again, lock their name onto the ticket). We'll mail it back ready for action and call off the hounds sniffing about the lands. Not spicy enough? As it turns out, the hidden ticket corresponds to the 12-week cycle of the lottery. Week one is Alph's Week which will have the Alph :: Alph's Roll ticket hidden somewhere out there.
And, you guessed it: The Rook :: Rook's Roll will be hidden every 12th week. Week 12 is super amazing awesome crazy fun insanity good time YAY! I can't keep it in! The finder of The Rook on the 12th week who has The Rook rolled on the 12th round gets the whole damn Rook's Nest (in addition to the other, normal prizes—NORMAL?!)!
Go buy your chance for victory now! Good luck!
*Cubimals are boxed and contents unknown at time of winning. Actual dream fulfillment is not guaranteed.
**Auctions last for 24 hours and will close around 4:30PM CST, Saturday, November 5th and will be reissued late Sunday (November 6th) evening.