Topic

Chicken Wants In

Dear Glitch,

I can't seem to enter my house because an ornery chicken is standing in front of the door and wants to go inside. I have a goldfish that is very allergic to fowl, so chicken inside the house is a no-no. However, anytime I get near the door, he stares at me with his beady eyes and I feel a little bit of my soul die inside. I don't know when chickens started being able to do that, but I would like to maintain my soul as best as possible. Can anyone offer any advice? I miss my herb garden and my barnacles are getting lonely.

imgur.com/YauWK

Posted 10 months ago by Zu Subscriber! | Permalink

Replies

  • Type KFC and it will leap into the air to escape and be outta the way.

    Also, in the screenshot there is litter near your neighbor's door that you might want to do them the favor of cleaning up.  The bureaucrocs who enforce the littering ordinances are on the roll lately.  Simply deposit the waste at your nearest shrine/trash container.
    Posted 10 months ago by Kalstept Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I threaten KFC, but this chicken fears no colonel! He wants in BAAAAAD.
    Posted 10 months ago by Zu Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Enforcing ordinances is boring, but litter is interesting.  I say down with bureaucrocs and up with litter!
    Posted 10 months ago by Miss Portinari Subscriber! | Permalink
  • That chicken isn't just standing there. It's in, like, PERCHING mode. I think they only do that when they're territory-marking. Very bad sign.

    My advice: take the goldfish and run.
    Posted 10 months ago by Sirentist Subscriber! | Permalink
  • How sad - to live in a barrel because the chicken has occupied the house :'(
    Posted 10 months ago by Vic Fontaine Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Sniff the door jambs - it's likely that the chicken has already marked its territory with chickie urine. If so, you're in trouble. The odor is almost impossible to get out, and it sends any Gandlevery you might plant inside into a complete frenzy. I would find a realtor who's not too scrupulous about full disclosure regulations and dump the house as quickly as you can.

    P.S. Don't be alarmed. That sinking feeling you're experiencing isn't really your soul dying inside, no matter how beady the little creature's eyes are. You're just experiencing low blood sugar from the stress. Have an Expensive Grilled Cheese, and you're sure to feel better.
    Posted 10 months ago by Brownee Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I knew they would eventually make good on their threat. "Tomorrow: Revenge. Today: Grain." I've heard them whispering it in the caverns of Kajuu. It seems you may be their first intended victim. I have only one word of advice: RUN. Run as fast as your barrel-topped legs will carry you. Don't stop and don't look behind you. Be well young glitch, and may the Giants keep you.
    Posted 10 months ago by N2ZOrtolanaBlue Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I think the chicken cocked its leg to "mark" its territory.
    Posted 10 months ago by psibertus Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Don't blink. Don't even blink.
    Posted 10 months ago by Zany Serendipity Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Can you catch him like he was a l'il piggy? Make him part of your home pet collection?
    Posted 10 months ago by Gordon Lughsen Subscriber! | Permalink
  • you can use a youth Potion on him, pick him up, take him inside and then feed until he regains his mighty stature :P
    Posted 10 months ago by psibertus Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Try squeezing it - it may squawk and fly away.
    Posted 10 months ago by Mocha Maid Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Kill that chicken with kindness.....hug 'em until he explodes!! Make it a statement to all the housejacking chickens of Ur!
    Posted 10 months ago by Dannelynn Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Just kick him off the porch.  I often "rescue" chickens from trees, porches and other locations that they don't belong in.
    Posted 10 months ago by Brib Annie Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Zany is right; if you blink the next thing you know it will be right in front of your face with outstretched claws ready to grab you!
    Posted 10 months ago by anonymoose Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @Sirentist : Wasn't there a movie about a chicken on the run? Must Netflix it right away.

    @Togger: Very true! However my barrel is fully stocked with all the basic necessities of Glitch life... liquor.

    @Miss Brown: I probably need to find a new house now since the chicken has poisoned my herb garden, thank you for the warning and for the dinner suggestion!

    @Bruja: Did you knows bears can run really really fast? Just another perk to having bear feet.

    @Zany: I will not let you win this staring contest.

    @Gordon: I would, but this is one wily chicken. He's covered in grease, that slippery lil' fowler.

    @Dannelyn: I am intrigued by your proposition. This might just be the first sign of the Bacocalypse.

    @Brib: My bear feet have very sharp nails, and as a follower of Friendly, kicking a chicken might cause unrepairable harm to said fowl.

    @anonymoose: Everytime I sleep I am haunted by the thought of the chickens fighting back.

    The chicken is still standing guard! Any other suggestions?
    Posted 10 months ago by Zu Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Assuming this is a male chicken, present him with a female chicken. If they are anything like pigeons he'll start following her beak to tailfeather and you'll be able to sidle in before he realises. Of course- getting back out could be a problem.
    Posted 10 months ago by Twoodle Subscriber! | Permalink
  • request incubation
    Posted 10 months ago by AwesomeCardinal2000 Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Walk away, then, when you're safely far away (and no chickens around, perhaps in the Ancestral Lands) teleport directly home.
    Posted 10 months ago by Zanthis Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Make a new group called Chicken Alerts (refers to this) and call everyone to action. Then stun Der Chicken with Martial Imagination!
    Posted 10 months ago by Sweet Stuff Ng Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Zu, it appears your chicken has moved on.  I found him outside my front door just the other day.  I, having no fowl-allergic goldfish, invited him in but he did not seem interested.  Maybe he sensed my lack of skill in caring for chickens and was only there to protest my continued rough squeezing of his species.  I was actually beginning to worry that it was a hunger strike, as this went on for several days.  Each day was the same...I would greet him both as I left the house and when I returned, always using my neighbor's ladder so as not to disturb him and inviting him inside every time.  His only response was to glare at me with what could only be described as fowl contempt.  His occupation ended when I, distracted, forgot about him for a moment and teleported home...landing right on top of him.   He gave an indignant squawk and disappeared.  I kind of miss him...

    www.flickr.com/photos/77079...
    Posted 10 months ago by Sweet Tangerine Subscriber! | Permalink