As of writing this I'm ranked #5 on the achievement leaderboard. Most achievements are straight forward: Milk so many butterflies, harvest so many beans, etc. I'm writing this for glitchen who have leveled up, who are perhaps nearing the end of the skill tree, who are looking to tackle a few of those obscure and difficult achievements. Or for folks who are just curious about how to do various achievements. Hopefully these tips and tricks will save you some time grinding...
Patch tending achievements:
+You can't get these by tending gardens, you need to tend tree patches. There's a trick to this one, though it might be considered a bug, so try it quick before Tiny Speck fixes it... Die once near your patch. Then come back and repair stuff or simply wait until your energy is 0 (you can't die from losing energy twice in the same day). Now tend that patch. You'll get a message like "You're too tired to tend that patch!" but that attempted try still counts as a tend achievement-wise. Thus, you sit at 0 energy and spam-tend your way all the way up to a thousand patch tends and the achievement. Hooray!
Make a Crab Happy achievement:
+As of now, the super rare SB-1 musicblock is included in the circulation of musicblocks the crab needs to hear, thus making this achievement nearly ungrindable. I'd suggest simply not trying until TS fixes the problem. Here's a full explanation.
Repairing Kitchen Tools Achievements:
+Breaking a kitchen tool is based on number of uses, NOT how many foods you've made. So make things one at a time. All tools have about 60 uses, typically it'll break around 63 to 65 uses. You can make loads of flour one at a time, or you can make something like tacos, which requires three tool uses to make one. Whatever floats your boat.
Dying Achievements (Becoming a Zombie Dracula):
+You can only die once a day by losing energy, so get ready to use no-no powder. You can only die 18 times per day before you are super-pooped and can't die any more. It will take you about 40 minutes to kill yourself 18 times using no-no. So just start 40 real minutes before the end of a game day, and keep using that no-no. And remember, no-no doesn't work if you're pooped, so eat a taco or meditate after you escape hell before sniffing up again.
Firefly Catching Achievements:
+ Chakra Phool and Shimla Mirch are the firefly locales. To cut back on energy lost, you can jump in the air before opening your jar. I've found the sweet spot to be just left of the epicenter of the swarm. Any fireflies in your jar will escape and WILL NOT go back into your jar in the same catching. Also, there are some decoy fireflies that are slightly larger than regular fireflies. They will NEVER go in your jar. They are always in the same place. A few rounds of catching and you'll know where they are, just be careful when counting a swarm for at least seven fireflies.
Paper Harvesting Achievements:
+ Paper is found in the ancestral lands. Using some Glitch maps and Ur's guide on paper tree locations, you should be able to map yourself a route that hits about 12 - 16 paper trees per trip. I set a permanent warp to Languid Line W in Xalanga and routed my way through Xalanga and Choru to grab about 15 paper harvests per trip.
Dirt Traps:
+ You'll hit more open traps if you visit the ancestral lands during off peak hours (i.e. don't go between 7pm and 11pm EST)
Numismatizer Achievements:
+ This only counts the DAYS YOU PLAY (i.e. you don't have to wake up every 4 hours to do this). Thus, while doing these, just make sure you don't log in near the end of a day, and make sure you get a hundred coins on any game day you do log in on. Chakra Phool is a great coin grab location.
Game of Crowns Achievements:
+This is the Austen Powers or Borat of glitch achievements. The first time you experience Game of Crowns, it's fun. But the more of it you're exposed to, the more you hate it. In terms of long-term replayability it is poorly designed. Since glitches move at the same speed, it favors the crown holder. After about 5 games, you'll figure out a loop to travel that hits all the crown-lock buffs, thus making it virtually impossible for anyone else to win. Now it becomes boring for you and frustrating for the people you thrash. Furthermore, the yellow booths are broken. Give one a try, you'll sit there for 20 minutes, unable to do anything, waiting for people to show up. If you want to rope suckers in, buy a bunch of tickets, and just pop up challenges in populated areas or at parties. Special Note: If you've got the crown-lock buff, your time counts for winning the game, but not for the "held the crown" achievements. Once you get your loop down, practice hopping the buffs. Trust me, it's still nearly impossible to get nabbed once you get the crown and know the terrain. Also, even though the achievement description says, "win X number of games," the other games don't count for these achievements.
Tree-Saving Achievements:
+You can do these all at once with one tree in your backyard. Poison it, antidote it, poison it, antidote it, poison, antidote it, etc... Since it's your backyard, there's no poisoning delay debuff.
Tree-chopping Achievements:
+Again, backyard is ideal as you won't have to camp a poisoned tree and you can poison/chop four or five trees at once depending the size of your house. It takes 3 minutes for a tree to die, and roughly the same time for a new tree to grow to be chopped. You can poison even the tiniest tree so long as it grows past the initial petting.
Wood Tree Achievements:
+For the "petted and watered x number of wood trees to fullness" achievements, the wood tree only needs to go from 3 wood branches to four. Thus: Grow wood trees in your backyard up to fullness (4 branches). Harvest it twice to get it back to 3 branches. Then water and pet, but don't harvest, until it grows back to 4 branches. Then chop chop, water pet, water pet, chop chop, water pet water, etc... until all the wood tree achievements are yours.
Glitch Train Achievement:
+If you're going to rally people to do this, I'd suggest starting it in Eglesgown Wanks in Groddle Meadow. There's a sign post there that connects five streets, thus you just have to click through all five streets, you don't even have to move. This is important as dragging 20 glitchen across a street can create problems, it might bug out, or one person might accidentally move and break the entire chain. If you're all at that sign, and no one touches the keyboard except the train leader, it should work fine.
Trader Joe, Vic, Carl Achievements:
+Since trade windows aren't used often, Glitches at work will often close them out if you simply walk up and try to trade. I'd suggest going to a party where glitches are just fooling around. Shout out in chat that it's stew time, and then just start trading people awesome stews for nothing. You'll find that people will often trade you back cubimals, food, powders, and other goodies just for kicks. Fun. Takes all of 15 minutes to get all three achievements.
Pig, Butterfly, and Chick raising achievements:
+It takes 3 feedings of anything to raise a piglet to pigginess.
+It takes 1 bubble to raise a catterpillar to butterfliery.
+It takes a bajillion feedings of grain to raise a chick up. (EDIT: technically 10 feedings)
Shriner Forty Niner Achievement:
+Doesn't matter how small the donation is. Fill your bags with meat and donate them one at a time. Despite comments to the contrary in the forum, I was still able to get spinner tickets doing this, and ended up with about 50 tickets after completing the achievement. Yop!
Sneeze-O-Rama and Sparkle Buddy Achievements:
+There are usually a bunch of glitchen gathered around the tool vendor in Cebarkul.
Chatting Achievements:
+You can just spam IM people "hello" to nab this one. But hey, try doling out some compliments on glitches' fashion choices. Spread the cheer.
Jellisac Achievements:
+Southern Shimla Mirch is a great location for jellisac. Fjarke alone has like 16 jellisac slots. But if there are other glitchen scooping, consider heading to Chakra Phool. It only takes ones glitch to empty out a whole region of jellisac for a few minutes. If that glitch doesn't realize you can scoop cooperatively, it can be a real pain.
Friending Achievements:
+Don't be shy. Spam "add to friends" everyone you meet and everyone in global chat. Glitchen generally don't mind, they're trying to get this too after all.
Emblem Collecting Achievements:
+ABP. Always Be Powdering. Extremely Hallowed Shrine Powder is your best friend. Donating large amounts of small items is ideal as you can control exactly how much favor you gain. (Favor is gained at 1/10th the currant value of anything you donate). Hundreds of meats, hundreds of milk, etc. Also, you do not need to have all the emblems at once for these achievements, you just need to have earned them.
Completist Achievements:
+These are the ones you get for visiting all locations in any given region. If you're confused on any particular one, remember that these include the special locations that require keys to reach.
Subway Riding Achievements:
+These suck and there's no short cut. Remember, you have to get on AND off the subway to count as one ride (rather than a ride for every stop you pass). You can double up grinding by meditating while you ride. Put on an audiobook, listen to some This American Life, WTF podcast, whatever.
Musicblock Achievements:
+You can straight up buy these achievements at the auction house. But if you want to do it organically, the rare musicblock, BB-5, can be obtained by tending tree patches.
Moneybags Magoo Achievement:
+Buying houses doesn't count for this. Buying stuff from an auction does. If you can't find anything for over 5k, have a friend post a bubble up for 5001 and buy it. (EDIT: You can get this from vendors by simply buying more than 5k worth of goods at once, like 3 gnomes)
Dragon Chaser Achievement:
+No-no powder halves every time. Six minutes, then 3 minutes, then 1.5 minutes, then 45 seconds, etc. (EDIT: you can do this with two powders so long as you sniff the second one before you time out!)
That's all I got for now. If anyone knows a way to coax a ju-ju up to chase you, I'd love to hear it, as I usually only see a couple during a full trip through the ancestral lands. Apparently ju-ju appearances are tied to how long you are in the ancestral lands (last half of any trip?). Thanks for all the comments and additions so far, and feel free to add any tips below. Cheers!