Topic

The Legend of the Hell Hog...

First told by Fanng on a dark night, by the light of the full moon...

There is a legend of a poor abandoned piggy in the depths of Hell. This little piggy only wished he could go to market! 

Our story begins in Coffee Snob's house. Coffee is busily searching the auctions for the absolute best deals on EVERYTHING, when she stumbles upon a deal for a hog-tied piggy that is too good to pass up. As she clicks the 'confirm purchase' button, she does not know how doing this will change this little piggy's very destiny!!

Fanng and Coffee are just hanging out, when they decide that sniffin' a little No-No won't hurt anyone. Fanng is showing KittKat Coffee's icons while Coffee is browsing the auctions. All of the sudden, Kitt is alone while Coffee and Fanng disappear. All that remains are a pair of headstones in the foyer.

In Hell, Coffee receives her auctions. This includes the little piggy. She is on "Piggy Escape" cool-down. As Fanng and Coffee wander the bowels of Hell, the little piggy escapes!!! *GASP* Poor little piggy is bored, so Fanng and Coffee try to recapture it, but they have ZERO energy! Piggy is not happy! Fanng, thinking that naming Piggy would make it happy comes up with "Hell Hog."

No dice! Hell Hog is really upset... And whiny, can u imagine?!

So having resolved to find a way to liberate the poor piggy who did nothing wrong from Hell, Coffee and Fang squish grapes like mad and leave Hell. But they have, as yet, been unsuccessful...

Isn't there someone who could please help this little guy out?! Isn't there some way to spring him from a life of eternal boredom because of Coffee and Fanng's inability to heed a warning?!

Please Obi-Wan Kenobi ~ You're our only hope!!

Posted 12 months ago by CoffeeSnob Subscriber! | Permalink

Replies

  • And this is why you don't do no-no, children.
    Posted 12 months ago by Sororia Rose Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I came across a poor sad piggy in hell once... I jumped onto live help and begged for someone to come save the poor little guy, and a lovely staff member rescued him immediately.  Yay!  A happy ending!  I recommend trying this solution, it was nice to know poor piggy was back amongst the trees, happily munching :-)
    Posted 12 months ago by Clarabelle Subscriber! | Permalink
  • These are not the pigs you're looking for..
    Posted 12 months ago by Volkov Subscriber! | Permalink
  • If you stay in hell until New Day, your energy refills and the pig can be recaptured.
    Posted 12 months ago by Fernstream Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Nope.  If you stay in hell until New Day your energy refills right down the drain.  If you are there long enough, hell tortures you by bringing up multiple 'New Day' refills.  You scramble to crush grapes but when you return to the living realm, nope.. zero.  Time to eat and sniff some cheese.
    Posted 12 months ago by Parrow Gnolle Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I wonder if the animal aging potion works in hell...
    Posted 12 months ago by MrVolare Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Luckily, as the forlorn piggy stood there, he was reminded of a story long told in piggy lore. The story of the Pixels are Sad piggy.  It was a story of great courage and rescue, and Hell Hog began to feel slightly comforted.

    Hell Hog remembered when he first heard the story told to him by Lady Gaga's meat dress piggy.  He didn't pay attention at first, as a chicken was climbing a rope, Hell Hog always giggle oinked when they scurried up ropes and ladders, and Lady Gaga's meat dress piggy was telling him off.  However, he finally settled down to listen to her soft oinks as she told him the story.

    Lady Gaga's Meat Dress looked at Hell Hog intently, and said

    "There is a place in this wondrous world that will sap all your energy and mood. In there, you won't be able to smile, have your ears scratched or to offer your haunches to be nibbled."  

    "It is a sad, lonely place with only extreme vegetable harvesters, afk statues and the pit-stop end of day deathers for company.  It was into this place that your poor Aunty The Pixels are Sad Piggy found herself one day."

    Hell Hog snuggled deeper into his pile of grain, guano and corn, as he listened to Lady Gaga's Meat Dress.  A frightened look on his face.

    "How did Aunty get there?" Hell Hog asked.

    "That is the troubling thing, my sweet Hell Hoggie, she does not know.  No piggy who has ever been to Hell, I shudder just saying that word, knows how they got there.  We simply know it exists."  

    "The Pixels are Sad said that one moment she was relatively comfortable in her white, square crate, enjoying the slight bumps as the Glitch travelled along.  She was looking forward to seeing her new home.  The trees and other animal friends.  However, all of a sudden the gate opened on her crate, and she was violently sucked out into a blinding world of red.  Above her were sharp, blades of rock which almost pierced her flesh.  She could see pools of red liquid around her. At first, The Pixels are Sad feared the worst, but soon realised it was just tomato juice.  This was her first sigh of relief, until she realised that she was too despondent to drink it."

    Hell Hog gasped at the time, and he looked around his surroundings in his present situation, and was again comforted as much as he could be by The Pixels are Sad story.  For he didn't have to face the jagged rocks, and pools of undrinkable tomato juice.

    He did, however, still need to get out of Hell, so he once again remembered Lady Gaga's Meat Dress words to him that day.

    "Didn't anyone help Aunty The Pixels are Sad?" he remembered asking.

    "Oh yes, many tried, but Hell affects them in the same way it does us, so they they could only offer kind words." replied Lady Gaga's Meat Dress.

    "It wasn't until a moderator/member of staff came along, and very kindly whisked Aunty The Pixels are Sad back into a lovely white travelling crate again, and now, as you know she lives happily over in Salatu."

    Hell Hog sighed in a somewhat contented way as he waited in Hell.  He knew he wouldn't have to wait too long, and would end up happy just like Aunty The Pixels are Sad.

     
    Posted 12 months ago by Oristia Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Update...

    Hell Hog was rescued earlier today when Fanng went to Live Help. And he was supposed to post here to let everyone know that this little piggy is doing well.

    Thanks for all the input, especially from Oristia.

    And May the Porcine be with you!!!  ;)

    ~Coffee
    Posted 12 months ago by CoffeeSnob Subscriber! | Permalink