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When Alph Imagined Time: A Story of the Calendar (completed & available for download)

EDIT: Here is a much easier to read and proofread PDF copy downloadable via Media Fire. LINK.

[As a silly silly side project, I've been making up an 'astrological' chart for the world of Glitch. Due to the curious nature of the Glitch calendar and the placement of certain holidays, it has gotten a bit wonky and complicated. This is fine. Astrology should be a bit wonky and complicated. In my head, I began to come up with justifications for some of the choices I was making. And then it started to become a story so I started to write it down. Since it looks like we'll have a relatively long break between tests right now, seems like a good time to start posting it.]


Table of Contents:

PART ONE
PART THE SECOND
PART THE SECOND POINT FIVE
PART TRES
PART GO FORTH 
PART A FIFTH OF HOOTCH
PART FIVE SUBSET B
PART LEONARD PART SIX
PART SE7EN
PART HENRY THE EIGHTH
PART MINER FORTY-NINER
PART X, the first
PART X, the second
PART X, the last aside
PART ELEVENTY


PART ONE
in which Alph imagines something and other Giants figure out what to do with it
     Some time after the Giants imagined existence, a thought occurred to Alph. “We don’t even know how much ‘some time’ it has been since we imagined existence because we haven’t imagined ‘time’ yet! Hell, can we even have existence without time?” (Interestingly, when (if there was even a 'when' if they didn't have time) Alph thought this, ‘Hell’ had not been imagined yet. That is another story however.)     So Alph gathered together the other Giants and said, “I’m going to imagine something so that we can keep track of how long something has been and how long it will be until the next thing.”
    “What do you mean by ‘how long’?” asked Mab.
    “What do you mean by ‘has been’?” asked Spriggan.
    “What do mean by ‘until’?” asked Humbaba.
    “What do you mean by ‘something’?” asked Cosma, who was a bit slow on the uptake but still wanted to sound like she had been paying attention.
    “Look,” exclaimed Alph, “this will make more sense if I just do it, okay?”
    “What do you mean by ‘will’?” the ten Giants asked in unison.
    “Time!” yelled Alph. And then he imagined time. “Boom. There it is. Deal with it.”
    “Ooooooooo,” said all of the Giants (except Cosma who had become distracted by a slight breeze).
    Now, Alph enjoys the whole fun of creating things but rapidly gets bored with everything that comes after. So he wandered off to get on with the business of imagining, leaving time sitting there in front of the other ten Giants.
    They all looked at time and then looked at each other. This lasted awhile, in part because they weren’t sure what to do with this new thing and in part because they just enjoyed the experience of having an ‘awhile’ for the first... um... time.
    Eventually, Tii gave a small ahem. “It appears to me that time is tricky business. I’m not sure how much of it we have. It may be infinite. It might be finite. Or It might be both. Or neither. That is the nature of these sorts of things. But in the name of fairness, we should break it up into pieces so that we can share it equally.” And with that Tii cut up time in years and years into months and months into days. (Only later were days separted into hours and hours into minutes and minutes into seconds. Again, a whole other story.)
    Tii continued, “I have broken time into years so it is manageable. And I broke each year into eleven months, because there are eleven Giants. And each month I’ve broken into days because months are still too big to carry in a bag.” Pot smiled at this because bags were his idea. “I made three hundred and seven days because that is a nice prime number. Each month has a different number days since having each month with an equal amount of days would be, well, boring. So now we should just decide which of us gets which month.”
    The Giants began roll the problem round in their big giant heads. Friendly, always one to peer through murk and see to the heart of a situation, rolled the problem quicker but with more care than the others. “Tell me,” he said to Tii. “I see that one month has three days and one month has seventy-three days and all the other months have a different number days in between three and seventy-three, correct?”
    “Yes,” Tii beamed. “And all of them fine, good prime numbers.”
    “Yes, yes. Very nice,” consented Friendly. “But if we split it straight by months, some Giants will get many days and some Giants will get very few. That does not seem very fair, now does it?”
     All the Giants looked to each other, unsure of whether it was fair or not. You see, the whole idea of fairness was a very new one. In fact, not much old than time. If such things had existed yet, fairness would have been created on Twoday and time was created on the very next Hairday. But they didn’t exist, so we are talking metaphor. (Of course, ‘metaphor’ wasn’t created for another week and a half, metaphorically.) With all of this in mind, the Giants were not sure what to do.
    Finally, Friendly spoke again. “The fairest thing would be to split the days evenly. Tii, how many days would each of us get?”
    It took Tii no time at all to figure it out. “Twenty-nine point nine zero nine zero nine zero nine zero nine zero nine–”
    “Good enough,” interrupted Friendly.
    “It keeps going,” said Tii. “Quite fascinating.”
    “This may all be fascinating to some,” snapped Grendline, “but that number seems like a very difficult one to deal with. Especially for those of us who are still confused by what numbers are in the first place.”
     Friendly said, “Then we shall make it simpler. We’ll each get twenty-seven days. Alph can have the first twenty-seven since it was his idea and all. And then, in turn, we can each have twenty-seven days, until the year is all gone and we start a new one. That seems fair, yes?”
    All the Giants nodded enthusiastically as Friendly’s idea seemed to exactly fit the very idea of fairness, as well as they understood it. 
    “Who shall get the twenty-seven days after Alph?” asked Zille who rarely spoke up unless it seemed like the obvious next thing to say.
    “Oh, we have twenty-seven days to figure that out,” said Friendly with a smile. “If I understand this whole time thing, that will be plenty.”
    And with that, eight of the Giants went off to imagine new things to fill the world. Only Friendly and Tii remained. Tii raised a tentacle (which, being wrapped around his/her/its central eye, was as close to an eyebrow raise Tii could get) and said, “Your plan sounds fair except for one thing. When all is done, there will still be ten days left over. What will become of them?”
    Friendly made something with his face and mouth and eyes that may have been a knowing smirk. Perhaps it was something different. “Something tells me that, in the end, it will all sort itself out. Yes, I believe it will.”
    Tii was not sure what Friendly meant or what the look on his face meant, but nodded as that seemed like the simplest thing to do.

[to be continued]

Posted 19 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink

Replies

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  • I would like to know why the giants have so many eyeballs.
    Posted 9 months ago by Thursday Soleil Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Also maybe you could do a story about the early glichen, and whats up with certain places like snool. Also you could write on whay the broken statues and obelisks mean. another idea is why the animals and trees need us and why they say what they do.
    Posted 9 months ago by Thursday Soleil Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I haven't finished reading it all yet but i am absolutely enchanted by this wonderful story!!  Well done Lord Bacon-o!! :)
    Posted 9 months ago by Monkeygirl♥ Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I. Lobe. This. Story. I really liked the little Ajaya Bliss origin story in there, too.
    Posted 9 months ago by Fernstream Subscriber! | Permalink
  • wow!
    Posted 9 months ago by Misty Power Subscriber! | Permalink
  • At some point I'll need to write a story "The Day All Houses Changed" or something... but how that plays out is still a mystery. (soon™)
    Posted 8 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Pleasepleasepleaseplease?!?!?!
    LOBED this story, and have been waiting for more....
    Posted 8 months ago by Dahlia DreadNaught Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Seconded. Count me in for a subscription to all your future works.
    Posted 8 months ago by Meridian Subscriber! | Permalink
  • bump because this is amazing!
    Posted 8 months ago by La Mariposa Subscriber! | Permalink
  • A Musing:

    Eons later...

    One day the Giants gathered all together to have a discussion. For many years, a debate had raged amongst them and they decided once and for all to come up with an answer.

    "Okay," yelled Alph over the hubbub of the others. "Let's get this over with."

    Grendaline spoke first. "We have had these Glitchen running around for quite sometime. And when we imagined them, we gave them the ability to imagine. And also the ability to grow. But back when we made them, we made their growth based on their past experience. And that strikes me as wrong."

    "It made sense at the time," said Tii. "We are want we become. We learn from what we've done and we become better. Right, Lem? That's how learning and growing works, right?"

    Lem shrugged. "Yes and no. Learning is tricky. And it changes. And learning is all about becoming better at things and doing new things. If you'll all remember my experiences when Alph imagined time...."

    The other Giants groaned as Lem seemed to bring up that time at every opportunity.

    "We are what we are," rumbled Zille. "And we are what we were. And we will be what we were."

    "I don't see it that way," said Grendaline. "Us Giants change all the time. Sure, it is based on out past experiences. But more importantly, those experiences happened because of what we imagined the future could be."

    "But Glitchen are not us and we are not Glitchen," said Spriggan, half in suspicious statement of fact and half in doubtful question.

    "If we wish Glitchen to be as much as we imagine they could be," continued Grendaline, "then we should allow them to be able to imagine what they can be. Experience is important. Sure. But more importantly than what a Glitchen has done is what a Glitch imagines they could do."

    The other Giants mulled this over.

    "How long would it like take?" asked Pot. "To, you know, change all the Glitchen?"

    "I'm not sure," said Grendaline. "Several hours, I would guess. But it's a big change. Many things could go wrong."

    "Yes," said Lem. "One should always be prepared for things to go wrong. That reminds me of the time I—"

    "Let's do it," interrupted Alph. "Let's put all the Glitchen to sleep or something and get to imagining imagining."

    "Can we let butterflies and clouds and snowflakes imagine too?" bubbled Cosma.

    "Best do one thing at a time," suggested Humbaba. "We are still cleaning up after your 'Let's inflate bears with helium' experiment."

    "They're so fluffy and big now!" exclaimed Cosma.

    Lem leaned into Friendly. "I hope this goes well. Those Glitchen can be awfully excitable."

    "I shall see about giving them some dream," said Friendly. "I don't know. Something where they can chat and talk and say silly things. They seem to enjoy silly things."

    And the Giants went to work.
    Posted 7 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • You're still doing these, Bacon-o?!

    You are AMAZING!!! <3

    Can I do an article on you for the Glitchen ImaginatUr? :D
    Posted 7 months ago by le beebs Subscriber! | Permalink
  • <3 as always!!
    Posted 7 months ago by Scarlett Bearsdale Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Oh, Lord Bacon-o! LOL! This is GREAT! Humor does help keeps things in perspective! Thank you! (I seem to like exclamations points today!)
    Posted 7 months ago by Blithe Subscriber! | Permalink
  • oh i love these stories well done
    Posted 7 months ago by Santa Clause Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I love it! It's perfect! I also am a bit satisfied that Gren championed imagination. ((((hugs Grendalines pinky toe)))) My favorite giant! And wow... Again, this is really good!
    Posted 7 months ago by Fernstream Subscriber! | Permalink
  • LBO, your imagination is amazing! Thank you for writing and sharing this lovely musing! 
    Posted 7 months ago by welshcorgi Subscriber! | Permalink
  • LOBE!  Holy talent, LBO :) This is SICK!!  <another reason to vomit on my diploma> 
    Posted 7 months ago by scroobienoob Subscriber! | Permalink
  • "Tii!" snapped Mab. "Stop taking all of their currants away!"

    "I was just counting them," Tii said sheepishly from behind piles of coins. 
    "To make sure they were all there."

    "Tii....."

    "Alright, alright. There. All back."
    Posted 7 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • :D :D :D
    Posted 7 months ago by Lilith Subscriber! | Permalink
  • " <another reason to vomit on my diploma> "

    Considering mine has led to what is basically fan fic, I'm not sure mine is worth much more.
    Posted 7 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Don't question the creative spark Bacon. Just go with it.   
    Posted 7 months ago by Thursday Soleil Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Go LB!  Keep the Chronicles coming.  How else will we know the truth?
    Posted 7 months ago by swampfox2222 Subscriber! | Permalink
  • "What do you mean they have two houses?!" said an irate Alph.

    "Just that," said Tii. "They have two houses."

    "Each!?"

    "Yes," said Mab. "So many gardens."

    "A trees," said Spriggan. "A lot of trees."

    "That can't be right," grumbled Alph. "Which of you Giants are in charge of houses?"

    The Giants look around at each other. No one spoke up.

    "Um," said Friendly. "I think it may be you, Alph."

    "Really? I sure don't remember imagining them. No matter. Get rid of half of them."

    "Now?" asked Pot. "I like that there are a lot of houses. And all those streets."

    "Too much stuff. Too confusing. I mean, who in their right mind needs two houses?"

    And the Giants went about unimagining hundreds of streets and thousands of houses. Far in the distances, could be heard the giggling of rooks.
    Posted 7 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • That's so freaking awesome, Lord Bacon-o, you rock!
    Posted 7 months ago by Kouki Sangoma Subscriber! | Permalink
  • ok see now that is the best part of this update... EVAR.
    Posted 7 months ago by Thursday Soleil Subscriber! | Permalink
  • lol Lord Bacon-O! lol!

    I agree totally wtih Thursday and Kouki xD
    Posted 7 months ago by NightDraconis Subscriber! | Permalink
  • "What is taking so long?" bellowed Alph.

    "Well, you could help out," said Mab.

    Alph erumphed. "I create. I don't uncreate."

    "It is not a simple thing," droned Zille. "There is much to unimagine."

    "And these Glitchen," said Humbaba, "seem to love abundance even more than I do. They have so much stuff in their houses. Just piles and piles and piles of... stuff."

    "I'm covered in jellisac," said Grendaline. "Drenched in the stuff."

    "Just destroy it all," snapped Alph.

    "No!" screamed the other Giants.

    "We can't do that, Alph," explained Lem. "It would be unfair. And if any Giant knows about fairness, I do. Have I told you about—"

    "Yes. Yes, you did. Maybe I can create something to make this easier." And with that Alph imagined up a thing.

    "What is that?" ask Friendly.

    "It's cute!" said Cosma poking it with a metal rod.

    "It's a Myles," said Alph. "Let it go do its job. I am sure it is very good and work really hard, but you may need to whack it once in awhile."

    "To make it work hard?" asked Humbaba.

    "Nah," said Alph. "It's just entertaining."
    Posted 7 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • "It's a Myles"....Oh LBO this is ever so much better than tv :DDD
    Posted 7 months ago by welshcorgi Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Day turned to night and night into morning and the worked continued.

    Humbaba and Cosma looked at the Myles. It was still trying to work but it kept falling asleep. Humbaba poked the Myles with a stick. It stirred into frantic activity for three seconds before nodding back off.

    "Oh! The poor thing," cooed Cosma.

    "Perhaps we should feed it," said Humbaba. "What does it eat? Does it eat?"

    "An idea! I have an idea!" said Cosma. Out of the air she pulled a jar. It was indistinguishable from a firefly jar except that the things flying inside did not glow.

    "My my. What are those?" asked Humbaba with genuine interest.

    "Bees," beamed Cosma. "Let's stick them in the Myles's pants. That should wake it up."

    "I'm not sure this is a good idea, Cosma."

    "Can't hurt if we don't try."

    "Yes but.... Oh, go ahead."
    Posted 7 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Hahaha thanks for the entertainment LBO!
    Posted 7 months ago by WeavingTheWeb Subscriber! | Permalink
  • O_O  Bwahahahahaha!!!

    Holy crap, that just made my morning!  Many thanks, Lord Bacon-o. :)
    Posted 7 months ago by Grem Sketch Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Love it
    Posted 7 months ago by Thursday Soleil Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Now I'm torn, do I want the game back or more of these mini-updates?

    (Poor Myles...)
    Posted 7 months ago by Jennyanydots Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I just had a funny idea for a joke. So a glitch is mining while he's waiting for his crops to grow and his friend comes by and asks what he is doing. The glitch say he's 'Killing time'. All at once all the giants run to the vault where the time is. It's just an idea for a joke I have no idea if anyone else has thought of this joke.
    Posted 7 months ago by Witchinda Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Witchinda, oh my! I must work that in somehow.
    Posted 7 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Ah, I wish I had seen your updates as the game was changing/down! When I got to the line, "It's a Myles..." I actually squeed and did a little excited happy dance. I love how charming and clever it all is. Thanks again for sharing!
    Posted 7 months ago by muffin Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Wonderful! Congrats!
    Posted 7 months ago by IZA_C Subscriber! | Permalink
  • This. Is. Awesome!
    Posted 6 months ago by OMG BACON!! Subscriber! | Permalink
  • DITTO!!!!
    Posted 6 months ago by Misty Power Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I am starting a new story. But it shall be posted in game (on my home street). And it shall be a Choose Your Own Adventure. It is going to take a while to complete.
    Posted 6 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Can't wait!
    Posted 6 months ago by WeavingTheWeb Subscriber! | Permalink
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