Topic

To friend or not to friend?

When I get friend requests from someone I've never communicated with in game I don't know what to do. Have they seen something of mine in the forums they like? Did they whizz past me and like my clothes? Is it just for a badge?

I started out friending everyone who asked, expecting that something would develop from there - or at the very least I'd get an initial communication from them telling me why, but now I have loads of people in my friend list without any context at all, which makes it hard to keep track of the ones I've actually chatted to. Terrible memory, y'know?

I know there have been threads about ways to categorise friends (which would be a good thing) but in the meantime I'm more interested in why the requests come. This is in no way intended to be critical btw, I'm just curious.

So what do you do when you get a request out of the blue? What assumption do you make about the reason for the request? Do you send requests to people you've never talked to? If so, why?

Posted 12 months ago by Pomponella Subscriber! | Permalink

Replies

  • I look at whether there are any friends in their friends list I spend any amount of time hanging out with or talking to. If there are people in their list I trust, then I tend to assume that they themselves are reasonable people and okay it (and vice versa- if they've got people in their lists I've blocked then nope- trumped if they have the right mutual friends). I tend to approve more than I pass over; if they prove themselves to be obnoxious, I can always remove them later on.
    Posted 12 months ago by Djabriil Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I have these same thoughts and questions. I friend people I've never talked to if I'm in a group with them and liked something they posted there, or when someone makes a particularly awesome forum post or comment (usually that means awesome as in, I think they seem like a great person, rather than awesome like, Masterful command of game mechanics). I used to do this without contacting them because it was SO irritating to send mail to people (back when you had to find the blue box). As it is, I still find it pretty irritating to have to send a fancy in-game message about this. I wish there were a way to make a status update @ someone, or to have a short message accompany a friend request, like you can do on facebook. 

    If I see that someone I don't know has friended me, I'll check their profile to see if they're in any of my groups or if they're friends with any of my close friends. If they aren't, I probably won't friend them back. 

    I wish we had a way to annotate our friend list. I've started keeping a list on my own of who my friends are and how I know them. Since I'm a greeter this is especially important - I really don't want to forget when it's someone I've greeted!
    Posted 12 months ago by Meridian Subscriber! | Permalink
  • So what do you do when you get a request out of the blue?
    - Nothing. ATM I have 52 open request from people I have never met in the game. I stopped accepting everyone because it clutters up my friends list and I don't notice my real friends coming on anymore.

    What assumption do you make about the reason for the request?
    - Sometimes I can trace it back to a party I attended. But I've also been added when I wasn't even in the game. I just assume those people saw something they liked, maybe a forum post or my spreadsheet.

    Do you send requests to people you've never talked to? If so, why?
    - No. Maybe once, but only to send them a message in the game.
    Posted 12 months ago by Victoria Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I don't get "requests".  What I see is an announcement in my local chat window that "player name has made you a friend".

    And on my home page, there is a statement "Player Name  added you as a friend. You can add them back, or not."   On my home page there are also two buttons: "Add them back" and "not now".

    I don't treat these as 'requests'.  If someone wants to make me their friend, for whatever reason, that's fine.  So I don't have to make any assumptions about 'the reason for the request'.  If it's someone I recognize from previous interactions, either in the forums or in the game, then I may (or may not) add them based on that information.  Otherwise, I don't do anything.  Nothing bad happens if you don't push the buttons.

    If they want to ask me to add them as a friend, then that chat or mail can be the basis for a conversation about why they want me to do that.  But I really don't need to quiz them about why they want to put me on their friend list.  

    When I add someone as a friend, it is so that I can see their status updates and/or have one-click access to their user name for starting in-game chats. It makes no difference to me if they add me back or not.  That's their business if they want to clutter their chat list with an additional name, and if they really care at all about my game status updates.  
    Posted 12 months ago by WindBorn Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I've added people who've asked to be friends cos there's an achievement in it. I have not gone out of my way to add people unless we have shared a moment in game.
    Posted 12 months ago by jiva Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I am commenting here only to respond to Pomponella's questions, not to start any kind of debate or anything, just wanting to add my 2 c's from my own personal experience. I appreciate your curiosity, Pomponella.

    I just cleared out my friend's list of over 70 people the other night. These are people who I no longer see log in; which leads me to believe that either they no longer (or haven't for weeks) play and/or they have removed me from their own list. (OR, they perhaps changed their name of which I might never know unless they let me know. I've only had one friend let her friend's know of her name change, so far.)

    If I had to guess, I would say that most people now friend either just to get the achievement or they are used to adding everyone/anyone like they do in other games or online communities. (Again, these are just my own personal opinions.)

    It makes me feel a little bit uncomfortable (for lack of a better word) when people add me without at least saying "hello" or anything at all for that matter. I am not saying this to sound "picky" or "rude" or whatever, I simply think that it is more polite to at least have a little chat with the person *before* adding them. (I have had a few people let me know in-game that they added me due to something I said in a forum post, btw, which surprised me at first, but I was very glad they at least took the time to communicate with me.)

    I have been very active in another "virtual world" for many years now and I am starting to bring some of that into my Glitch game ie; limiting my friend's list to only those who make an effort to keep the communication going even after adding me, with the exception of a *very* few.
    (And yes, this does work both ways.)

    I love getting mail and IM's from my Glitch friend's and it only takes a minute to let someone know that you are thinking about them or to just say a quick "hello" when they are on.

    I too have stopped adding back people who I don't know of who have never spoken to me before.

    -C.J.
    Posted 12 months ago by Carnivale Justice Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @Carnivale Justice:

    Just for your information: You don't have to be on someone's friend list in order for you to see them log in.  As long as you have them listed on your friend list, you will see all their activity.  It makes no difference at all whether they've listed you.  
    Posted 12 months ago by WindBorn Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @WindBorn, that is correct.
    Posted 12 months ago by Carnivale Justice Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Communication sometimes is a bit flawed in Glitch.

    For example, if I read something interesting from someone in the forum and want to interact, I cannot do that until I friended that person.

    The person whom I ask then indeed has absolutely no clue what my friendship is about. I also got quite a few requests from people whose names I did not recognize at all, and I declined almost all of them. Sometimes, I realized later, that I do know one or two names from the forums.

    I like following the update status of my closer friends a lot (see what they are doing, what skills they are acquiring, etc.), so it bugs me a lot when this list is full of people with whom I have very little interaction.

    Dont really have any solution for that.
    Posted 12 months ago by Louis Louisson Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I return friend requests from basically anyone, as I periodically mention my willingness to help with things like peat quests in the forums, and I think that is where many of my requests come from.  I think it likely makes a new player feel more welcomed when their friend request is reciprocated.

    Of course, the friends I regularly chat with are in groups with me, so I use those to catch them online, and ignore the miles long friend list.
    Posted 12 months ago by larky lion Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I only friend someone after I had a meaningful social interaction with them. If I get a request and don't recognize/remember the person, I ignore the request.
    Posted 12 months ago by Zogje Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I end up with a lot of requests through little drive-by interactions or goofball (maybe sometimes helpful) antics in global. I also get a bunch because people like the silliness of my name. I'm a hermit IRL so sometimes it leaves me scratching my head. I often hold off on adding ppl back until I have a more meaningful interaction with them.

    For my part, I have added people in the past because of forum posts, etc., particularly in beta-the-first, when the game was closed for days and our main way of interacting was through the forums. For example, I added WindBorn back then, whom I have found to be measured and insightful. :) We don't chat often, but I do like to hear what they have to say.
    Posted 12 months ago by Voluptua Sneezelips Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I've friended a couple people after I saw them post something in forum that impressed me. I dont think I messaged them to explain why I requested them. I think its pretty "unfriendly" to decline a friendship request just because you don't know the person yet. But I guess thats as understandable as having a friend list full of people you don't know, lol.
    When I get a request, I look at the profile and only decline it if there's something there I don't like, sometimes even the name of the Glitch..names can be very revealing of the person's character sometimes. I think a lot of the requests are from people who're working for the badge. Especially if you see lots of "..added you" in the profile.
    Posted 12 months ago by Phoebe Springback Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I probably friend a lot of people with what seems like no context - I tend to friend folks who seem to be generally kind, helpful, and outgoing that I run across relatively often - be it in-game or in the forums.  Since I'm *not* the most outgoing person, I'm sure some of my requests seem to come from nowhere.

    And I personally find random friend requests to be just fine - I like to pretend that I must have done sometime heroic or delightful to inspire someone to add me.  :)
    Posted 12 months ago by Zoethor2 Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I see it the other way round compared to most of the comments here. Rather than declining in case they're not nice persons, I accept in case they are. There's always time to remove them later.
    Think positive!
    Posted 12 months ago by Zira Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I friend everyone who friends me, b/c I'm one of the administrators of a large group (Sandbox).  I also friend anyone who writes a note that interests me, and sometimes people whose outfit or name I find clever.  I look at it as taking a chance on finding someone who is interesting for future contact.  I try to take a few moments to catch up on Updates every day or so, and several people who I can't remember friending (or why I friended them in the first place) have become people I enjoy following and chatting with.  Friending doesn't cost me anything, so why not?
    Posted 12 months ago by chilirlw Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Friending is a prerequisite for communication. People can't easily tell you why they've friended you until they friend you. 

    I often get mail from people explaining why they've friended me in-game, but of course that doesn't really help if you're getting these updates via email or on the home page. As others have said, stop viewing these as "requests" - this isn't facebook, there's no emphasis on reciprocation. 
    Posted 12 months ago by Xev Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I don't support "friend whoring" not even for those achievements {which is hysterical since i'm going crazy trying to do all the others}. I don't like for one second that people can add me to their list of friends without my consent. There has been someone who added me, and then proceeded to spam request me over and over to join the group named after himself. In the end, I had to just block him to make it stop - because i can't communicate with him unless i add him back. Over all, i don't want to have to block everyone just because i don't want to be on their epeen friends list.

    I had this conversation with someone last night. standing right next to this person, for no reason, they added me. right away i asked them to please remove me from their contacts. Let me tell you, no one seems to think it is rude to add me without asking, but giant forbid i ask them to remove me. /eyeroll

    There should be a mutual or nothing aspect to it, there just should be. OR at the very least, we should be able to remove ourselves from someone else's contacts.
    Posted 12 months ago by Pixieyelsraek Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @Pixieyelsraek

    It is quite easy to remove yourself from someone else's friends list.  Just block them.  They'll never know.

    And if you are worried that they might find out someday, unblock them right away.  You'll be off their list with no evidence left behind.
    Posted 12 months ago by WindBorn Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I tend not to add back people I don't know from prior interaction. This is partly out of shyness and partly because I often see people adding me without saying anything, apparently because I happened to be in the same room with them. There're actually a few people I'd like to add, but it'd come out of nowhere (and at least one of them has a lot of people on their list already, with even more that they haven't friended back).

    I suspect a lot of them are doing it for the achievement or simply randomly adding people, or something. I don't really hold it against them, I'm just not likely to respond by adding back. Usually, I look at those adds and see if there's anything about them that catches my interest. Things like being in a group particularly interesting to me, or an interesting profile, might get an add-back.

    I did recently add someone who made some forum posts I respect. They added me back, too. I'm still shy about doing things like that, though.

    I do kinda wish there were ways to include messages with friend-adds, or other ways to communicate with prospective friends.
    Posted 12 months ago by Kaja Rainbow Subscriber! | Permalink
  • If someone is the admin of a group I've joined, or someone I've talked to on Global, then I'm inclined to add them. If I've chatted with people in the world and they felt like adding me, I accept it. People who DEMAND that I friend them (and I've had one) get the ignore, as well as people who just pass by me and decide to add me with no contact at all (though I have added a few). I like having great conversations in game with people, and helping people out when I can, but i don't like the idea of "friend whoring" or just adding people for the sake of the badge. I have patience, when I get enough people who've added me, I'll eventually get my badge.
    Posted 12 months ago by Ayasta Subscriber! | Permalink
  • @windborn - well,as i said "Over all, i don't want to have to block everyone just because i don't want to be on their epeen friends list." BUT you do give a good solution to this for me if it works - so blocking them will remove me, but unblocking them won't have me show up again? I guess i just assumed a block doesn't actually remove me so much as just masks the connection, and that unblocking would simply remove the mask. hmmm, how to test this. and how to easily figure out who has me added....

    EDIT: i just did what you suggested, and it worked, bit of work, but doable. However I stand by my "mutual or nothing" ideas.
    Posted 12 months ago by Pixieyelsraek Subscriber! | Permalink