Topic

I be ruining the game.

Two words: Giant shipping.

COSMA AND LEM GO ON A DATE FOREVER
1.
Lem gazed into Cosma's fifteen eyes. 
Cosma gazed into Lem's sixteen eyes.
"Lem," she whispered, and her voice was like the faintest breath of wind on a clear spring day in the middle of Groddle Meadow. Such a breeze would only wake the button flowers, which would stop drooping but not do much else. Anyway, this is how Cosma addressed Lem.
Lem said, "Yes?" He had many voices and they all sounded like Glitchen. He had more voices than he had eyes and tentacles combined and that's saying something.
"I think...you have more eyes than me," Cosma whispered.
"I do," said Lem. He couldn't really whisper because when he did it still sounded like the loud hissing of a giant snake. (He didn't know what a snake was but decided it must be some sort of lawn mower based on the auditory description just given. He didn't know what a lawn mower was either.)
"How could you!" Cosma screamed, her less-than-Lem's eyes filling up with cerulean tears. "How could you have more eyes than me? I trusted you, Lem!! I--trusted--you! And you decided to have more eyes!"
"But Cosma--you butterfly!" Lem said. (We're not sure if that was an insult or what.) "You know my eyes have always been the same--I haven't grown more or anything since, well, forever!"
"YOU MONSTER!" Cosma screamed, and called upon her butterfly minions to assault Lem. 
2.
"Cosma," Lem said, looking deep into her eyes.
"Lem," Cosma said, looking deep into his.
"I must tell you something," said Lem.
"Y-yes?" Cosma barely dared to breathe.
Lem chose his words carefully. Spoke them carefully, too.
"You...look...like...a...bird."
3.
During Friendly's Giant Zilloween Party, Cosma turned from the drinks table, looked at Lem, and winked.
She closed exactly half of her eyes.
She had fifteen.
Lem didn't sleep well that night.
4.
"I am in charge of directions," said Lem.
"I am in charge of butterfly farts," said Cosma.
5. 
Lem stared deep into Cosma's eyes.
"It's just us, you know. Us here together," he said.
She nodded.
"Just me," Lem continued, thinking up a speech on the spot. "And you."
"And me!" Friendly screamed. "YOU TWO SHOULD KISS!"

Posted 6 months ago by Sororia Rose Subscriber! | Permalink

Replies

  • I'm laughing too hard. idek why xD
    Thank you, Sororia Rose!

    edit: I especially like the third part.
    Posted 6 months ago by Millie Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Bwahahahahahah. I"m CRYING with laughter, Oh Sororia, you are AWESOME :D

    I LOVE the argument they had about Cosma being upset that Lem had more eyes then Cosma. Tour de force. Masterful, truly masterful. Thanks for the best laugh in a while. 

    *hugs* and Cheers :D
    Posted 6 months ago by Bachjess♫♫♪ Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Very humorous! A match made in Glitch!
    Posted 6 months ago by Cajun Chance Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I love that Friendly ships them, too. :D :D 
    Posted 6 months ago by Celeloriel Subscriber! | Permalink
  • ++++11

    Also, please please don't hate me, but Lem has 17 eyes. :x  Gah I hate myself for thinking that as I read it and more so when I went to check. There are 4 across the back.
    Posted 6 months ago by M<3tra, obviously Subscriber! | Permalink
  • omg plz rite moar!!!

    I want to see one where Friendly invents the Cosmapolitan to impress her and Lem is all jealous until Friendly is like "lol no not trying to break you up, I'm into both of you, why do you think I'm called Friendly, wink wink" and then things get ~exciting~

    :B
    Posted 6 months ago by Tathak Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Eye count. D:

    I gotta hire someone to count the eyes. An eye counting...professional. With the Giants, you just can't tell!
    Posted 6 months ago by Sororia Rose Subscriber! | Permalink
  • That was quite funny! ^_^
    Posted 6 months ago by PANsy Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Anyone who denies that Pot and Humbaba are anything other than an old married couple is clearly blind and lying and wrong.

    Also, this story is now canon. Official canon. I don't care if every dev in the game comes in here and tries to refute it: THIS HAPPENED.
    Posted 6 months ago by Bina Q. Dry-Roast Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Love it!  3 was also my favorite!
    Posted 6 months ago by Brib Annie Subscriber! | Permalink
  • OMGiants!  I love you now... that was awesome!
    Posted 6 months ago by RainyRain Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I love you Sororia Rose. You have won my heart with laughter... platonically, of course.
    Posted 6 months ago by Siderian Subscriber! | Permalink
  • This was so full of awesome, I feel I shall have to roll away from this thread now...I am quite sated, thank you Sororia Rose for yet another brill' piece of writing!
    Posted 6 months ago by Poppy Fields Subscriber! | Permalink
  • OMGiants indeed.  Moar.  Moar.  50 Shades of Glitch.

    Tathak, I like the way you think.

    Bina Q., I am a big believer in Death of the Author.
    Posted 6 months ago by Meromorphic Subscriber! | Permalink
  • YES YES YES YES YES
    Posted 6 months ago by Spaghetti Thompson Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Farcically lovely.
    It will be re-read. Oh yes.
    No other words 'cos laughing.
    Posted 6 months ago by Voluptua Sneezelips Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Please, I know this is all for a joke, but you will make the real shippers feel their bile is tolerated here.  And no amount of their sexual nonsense should ever defile the Giants (who are about as sexless as it can get)
    Posted 6 months ago by Kirnan Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I suspect Friendly invented the post system primarily to facilitate drunk-mailing his fellow Giants. Something must have gone amiss at one point, because this ended up on my Glitch's lawn. I've been saving it out of reverence but I think the world may be ready now.

    It was a little damp. I don't know why.

    TO: POT
    FROM: FRIENDLY

    wearing onion sauce now
    only onion sauce
    made it myself in this little saucepan
    WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE MY LITTLE SAUCEPAN
    cmon gravyboat
    lets do this
    Posted 6 months ago by Bina Q. Dry-Roast Subscriber! | Permalink
  • And nobody ever felt entirely comfortable making Secret Sauce ever again.
    Posted 6 months ago by Tathak Subscriber! | Permalink
  • this is amazing and I love it

    I just thought you should know this
    Posted 6 months ago by Hirune Subscriber! | Permalink
  • You have ruined onion sauce for me now, Bina.

    And by ruined I mean yes, more.
    Posted 6 months ago by Meromorphic Subscriber! | Permalink
  • This is spectacular.
    Posted 6 months ago by Stuv Subscriber! | Permalink
  • LOL FOREVER!
    Posted 6 months ago by Kittn Subscriber! | Permalink
  • brb dying of laughter
    Posted 6 months ago by Toksyuryel Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Awesomesauce!

    I mean, onionsauce.

    Oh no. Ew.
    Posted 6 months ago by Pascale Subscriber! | Permalink
  • :D
    Posted 6 months ago by Kristabel Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Best. Fanfic. Ever.

    Seriously, ever.
    Posted 6 months ago by Belle Z. Bub Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Loved the snake part.
    Posted 6 months ago by daniel5457 Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Ewwww!

    (also, um, off-topic?)
    Posted 6 months ago by katlazam Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Hahaha! I was a little afraid of opening this thread, but now I'm glad I did. Keep 'em coming!
    Posted 6 months ago by Twotone Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I suspect there may be a great many of these unflattering scraps of Friendly correspondence, and that the apparently mis-routed ones that my Glitch has encountered are just the tip of a very large iceberg.

    TO: HUMBABA
    FROM: FRIENDLY

    it's called a flaming humbaba because it's on fire i don't know why you're even making this a thing
    i couldn't call it a humbabmapolitan because
    that's just stupid
    there's some other stupid things i know
    like YOUR FACE
    i mean i wanted glitches to think of me and you and grind is that so wrong? IS IT?
    also i really like your face really, that was a lie about it being stupid
    can i touch it
    like on the trunks
    you can touch mine too if you want, it's soft
    Posted 6 months ago by Bina Q. Dry-Roast Subscriber! | Permalink
  • It totally makes sense that Friendly is a rabid shipper. After all, alcohol is a great social lubricant.

    Now do one for Friendly and Zille. They are canon, after all. :D
    Posted 6 months ago by Dorothy Gale Subscriber! | Permalink
  • oh my god this entire thread is quality
    A++ would lol again
    Posted 6 months ago by Classical Subscriber! | Permalink
  • +1 entire thread
    But especially chapter 3.
    Poor Lem.
    Posted 6 months ago by Liathea Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Luv it !!!

    You need to work Friendly's long tongue in there somehow !
    Posted 6 months ago by BlackWolf Subscriber! | Permalink
  • You Have Made Nepeta Proud
    Posted 6 months ago by Echo Spirit Subscriber! | Permalink
  • *wipes tears of laughter and tries to remember to breathe*

    Perfection.
    Posted 6 months ago by Flowerry Pott Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I am so glad I clicked through to this thread. Ditto the amazings wonderfuls awesomes that everyone else said!  Hilarious! PLEASE write some more :D 
    Posted 6 months ago by OHNOSQUIDS Subscriber! | Permalink
  • OMGiants I love this.

    I will never be able to grind or use a saucepan again.
    Posted 6 months ago by Sparrow Odele Subscriber! | Permalink
  • This thread restored my faith in something
    Posted 6 months ago by Bees! Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Thanks everyone. :D Yay I made Nepeta happy! Now as for the other 54 combinations. Or 65 if I ship Giants with themselves. 153 if I don't ship Giants with themselves but add in piggies, butterflies, chickens, batterflies, sloths, foxes, and frogs. 

    Also, When Alph Imagined Time has gotta be canon.
    Posted 6 months ago by Sororia Rose Subscriber! | Permalink
  • This, for some reason.
    Posted 6 months ago by Sororia Rose Subscriber! | Permalink
  • You had me at 'cmon gravyboat'...
    Posted 6 months ago by Jennyanydots Subscriber! | Permalink
  • LOL!!!!! Awesome xD
    Posted 6 months ago by rosedragon Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Genius.  Seriously. I love this!  Great work Sororia...
    Posted 5 months ago by Foofala Fury Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Bwahahahah*hic*
    genius
    Posted 5 months ago by Fogwoman Subscriber! | Permalink