Topic

New Business: Lord Bacon-O's Anonymous Remailing Service™

Do you have a secret Glitch crush? Too shy to let them know?

Try LORD BACON-O's ANONYMOUS REMAILING SERVICE!

Want to repay a kindness but don't want the fuss them knowing who you are?

Try LORD BACON-O's ANONYMOUS REMAILING SERVICE!

Need to send message but keep your identity secret?

Then you should try LORD BACON-O's ANONYMOUS REMAILING SERVICE!

Our service is the most trusted in Ur. Your secrets stay secrets with our staff. In operation since the moment I hit post topic, not once has LBARS failed to deliver its message or have we revealed a name. Fast-ish, reliable, and cheaper then any of our competitors, what more could you ask for?

HOW DOES IT WORK?
Simple! That's how!

All you need to do is send the message you want relayed and who you want it relayed to (with a link to their profile). Attach any items you wish to send. Also attach 100 currants*.

Make your subject line "LBOARS."

As soon as you can say "Yoga frog, get out of my face!", our staff of highly trained individual resends the message and items to your desired recipient.**

BUT HOW WILL I KNOW THEY RECEIVED IT?
While we can't promise they will read the thing, we do send you confirmation that it was sent. AND if they wish to reply, that is covered in original cost!***

HOW CAN WE TRUST YOU TO NOT TELL PEOPLE?
Because we swear we won't. We double swear.
Not only that, but starting next test, we double dog swear.

CAN I SEND ANY MESSAGE?
No.  LBOARS will not send what we consider hate mail. Our guidelines are very clear - up to our own moral compass and arbitrary whim.

However, if we consider a message inappropriate, we tell you so, return any items and the fee PLUS refund the cost you paid for the message. (20 currants).****

So what are you waiting for? Send a secret admirer note today with...
LORD BACON-O'S ANONYMOUS REMAILING SERVICE!

When you absolutely positively need it sent pretty quickly but more importantly secretly.

TRY IT TODAY!*****


*100 currant fee pays for: The cost of mailing, the cost of paper and the cost of one reply from the recipient and a nominal processing fee. Not included is any fees paid to Frog Delivery. We also do not send priority, so don't ask.

**Mail will be sent in a timely matter depending on whether or not we are online. But should be in less than 24 hours. Way less most like. Maybe ten minutes. Maybe not.

***Please to not make inquiries as to whether they've sent a reply or not. If they do, you'll get it.

****So you'd get 120 currants back. While we don't accept hate mail, if you want to send plop or guano with a nice note or even no note, go to it.

*****Or when the world is next open.

(LBOARS™ is owned and operated by The Elbow Grease Industries Company Corporation Enterprise Holdings™.)
(All use of ™ is Satirical™ in nature.)

Posted 17 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink

Replies

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  • You rock Lord Bacon-o! Fantabulous idea!
    Posted 17 months ago by Cuppycakes Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Marycontrary, when I get a note from LBOARS next test I'll know....
    Posted 17 months ago by jasbo Subscriber! | Permalink
  • LBOARS should go live today!

    But...
    I have a bunch of stuff to do this early evening so I apologize in advance for any delays in mailing.

    LBOARS - Where its Valentine's Day Every Day.
    Posted 17 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Two sales!
    Counting cost of paper and mailing (both messages and receipts), I've netted 116 currants.
    Posted 17 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I can volunteer to send on the love notes to Lord Bacon-o.  Super secretly, of course.  It will be a non-profit service unless you all start to misbehave.
    Posted 17 months ago by larky lion Subscriber! | Permalink
  • +4 8 15 16 23 42
    Posted 17 months ago by kidsojo Subscriber! | Permalink
  • kidsojo, if I get a message for you, where should I send it? I checked your status and it alternately says "Island", "30 years ago", "Sideways" and "Not purgatory but, well, basically purgatory."
    Posted 17 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I want to go to Sideways! (I'm already in "Not purgatory but, well, basically purgatory.")
    Posted 17 months ago by Jennyanydots Subscriber! | Permalink
  • LOL, I'm now on the "other side"
    Posted 17 months ago by kidsojo Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I <3 whoever Kidsojo is...... I <3 LOST so much <3 :)
    Posted 17 months ago by NutMeg Botwin Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Kidsojo loves NutMeg Botwin:)  Lost was a more than groovy show.  
    Posted 17 months ago by kidsojo Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Lord Bacon-O.  What about this for a slogan.

    "If you love Bacon, you'll be taken what I'm shaken because it's off the wakon"

    See what I did there was change "wagon" to "wakon" so that it would rhyme...
    Posted 17 months ago by kidsojo Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Hehe
    Posted 17 months ago by NutMeg Botwin Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Of course I read it as "wankin'"... which got weird.
    Posted 17 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Can I apply for a job here?
    Posted 17 months ago by sugarj Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I got one today!  But I am not so sure it's a love note, it came with 10 stinky cheeses...
    :D
    Posted 17 months ago by Nanookie Subscriber! | Permalink
  • sugarj, when we expand, we will be hiring interns.
    Posted 17 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Oh, good giants, don't take an internship! You'll either be running out to the grocery vendor for coffee every 5 minutes or they'll get you to be the *other* kind of intern...

    On second thought, depending on your feelings toward his lordship, that might not be so bad.
    Posted 17 months ago by Magic Monkey Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Two solid days of business.

    Over 24 messages sent, most with attachments. And a bunch of folks replied.

    Boom.
    Posted 17 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • oh really
    Posted 17 months ago by ShawnSavoie Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Got three stinky cheeses from an anonymous admirer.  Returned them with interest* to my mysterious, cheesy swain.

    Another satisfied LBOARS customer.

    *More age.  More stink.
    Posted 17 months ago by jasbo Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I'm shameless. I just send my love notes directly. But I <3 this LBo
    Posted 17 months ago by g33kgurrl Subscriber! | Permalink
  • interesting...I SENT 3 stinky cheeses to a certain someone, and had them returned later.  Coincidence?
    Posted 17 months ago by marycontrary Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Were they EVEN STINKIER THAN BEFORE?
    Posted 17 months ago by jasbo Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I got possibly the strangest poem ever written via this service. Still haven't decided if it was admiration or a slight upon my no-no use (less now that it sucks though;) and perpetual naked or half-naked state. Thanks, Lord Bacon-o, because this was just the funniest thing. I know it kept you busy but sounds like you had fun! Look forward to thinking who I can LBOARS next test :)
    Posted 17 months ago by RM Subscriber! | Permalink
  • I think I need to start a competing business, get into a price war that results in both of us going broke, then apply to the  bureaucrocs for tax breaks and subsidies to support my lower costs, before merging with LB-O's service and jacking prices up even higher than before. What do you all think?
    Posted 17 months ago by Edward Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Hmmm, so who else got missives from Godawful Poet?
    Posted 17 months ago by Nanookie Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Not me said the flea.
    Posted 17 months ago by g33kgurrl Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Anonymous Remailing Service To Lord Bacon-o!

    Have a secret crush on Lord Bacon-o? Too shy to let him know?
    TRY ARSTLB TODAY!

    Admire Lord Bacon-o? Love his posts?
    TRY ARSTLB TODAY!

    Want to repay a kindness to Lord-Bacon-o, but don't want repayment?
    TRY ARSTLB TODAY!
     

    Just mail your letter with contents to feifei1000 and put ARSTLB on the title!

    Try it TODAY for FREE!!
    Posted 17 months ago by feifei Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Nanookie, I think that was who sent mine :)
    Posted 17 months ago by RM Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Elbow Grease Industries may give a funding grant to ARSTLB.
    Posted 17 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • Bump.
    The staff is getting their quills all ready.
    Posted 17 months ago by Lord Bacon-o Subscriber! | Permalink
  • This does finally explain the random stew.

    Edit:

    Wait, no.

    Because, at the same time, it only spawns further questions.  New and troubling ones.  I see a lot of evil coming from this.  Vicarious evil, but evil nonetheless.
    Posted 17 months ago by Kipple Subscriber! | Permalink
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